AIBU to want to sell my house and daughter wants continue to rent it ?

[Chloe2434]

This is difficult to to decide.

my daughter is 42, working with 2 children ( my lovely grandchildren) One has anxiety problems, young teenager. daughter has rented my house for 6 years. I did want to sell my rental house previously but my daughter wanted lower rent and asked to rent mine for a while. Its now been six year, i charge low obviously.
iv been diagnosed with a slow growing cancer and explained to her i want to sell it and release some capital so i can do a few things while I am still relatively healthy, my daughter has called me selfish, “ I'm throwing my grandchildren children out etc ‘ it’s causing us to argue and the guilt gets to me, as to be honest she is single and rents are hard aren’t they for single parents.

Her daughter is FORTY TWO!

When we become parents we don’t sign over to give everything to them forever. After 42 years, is it not time for the woman to do something for herself. The woman has cancer and wants to spend some money enjoying life while she can. The daughter has benefitted from her mothers generosity for some years but now the mother wants a different arrangement.

Id do exactly the same.

OP I suspect your daughter will refuse to move out to sell the house after you die to release the money to her sister. She obviously won't be in a position to buy her sister out then either, will she?

What on earth has she been doing these past 6 years if she's not been saving money? Did she think she can just live in your house indefinitely? Were the details ever discussed?

I think you either deal with the fall out now and take the hit being the "bad guy" now, or your other daughter will have to down the line.

I think you need to gird your loins and crack on.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through x

I'm not in your position, but I must admit, I think I would feel the same. It was.my gut feeling too on reading the OP's post.

Is there an option to remortgage and release some cash that way so that the current house remains in the family?

Ah, two kids.That changes it.

Yes, there needs to be a fair split. The home will have to be sold at some point to give your two kids a fair and equitable split. Your oldest has already benefitted from a lower rent for 6 years plus additional financial assistance.

Have you gone over your plans with a financial advisor since your diagnosis?

Disadvantaging your other daughter by leaving this dAufhter your house is very unfair. That said if she isn't settled in some way I couldn't turf her out. Can she get on an HA list by you serving notice? Then you sell once she has HA property maybe?

Be careful about capital gains tax. It’s a second home. Doesn’t matter who you sell it to. You could sell it cheap to her and she gets some inheritance now.

It is not selfish to sell your own home. Your daughter has been very, very lucky to have paid below market rent for six years and whatever arrangements were made six years ago are irrelevant now. You've received a cancer diagnosis and are entitled to spend your own money however you wish.

Not wishing to be unkind but she will have to move anyway once you have died. Yes she will have half the value but will she be able to buy then?
As the sister I’d be furious with her tbh. She needs to stand on her own two feet, be grateful for past and current support and stop being childish calling her mother names. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!

Could she afford to buy the house form you OP?

Practically you do need to sort this out before your demise. I can just see how awful D1 will be in the future when the house has to be sold - and quickly - to ensure her sister gets her just inheritance. Whatever you do, D1 has shown you how she will be in the future - try and protect both daughters.

Yes I understand this and hence my guilt …. Worry

No to the buying at low price I have offered this ofcourse already

Firstly, sorry to hear of your diagnosis OP - it's a worrying & scary time for you.

No-one lives for ever & your daughter & grandchildren would need to move when you die in order to sell the house & give her sister her half of their inheritance.

What about equity release? This is in effect a life-time mortgage paid on your death. That way you can release some capital, but wouldn't need to evict your daughter & grandchildren.

However some conversations about what happens in a future are going to be needed. Your daughter needs to be taking responsibility for her own bills & making plans for a future which doesn't include a home at a cheap rent & not having someone to bail her out.

On the odd occasion when we've helped our children out financially, we've always been scrupulously fair about it. If we've given one <say> £1000 towards the cost of a new boiler, we've also given the other 2 £1000, whether they asked for it or not. The last thing we want is for our children to feel that we are preferring one over the others.

That’s a tricky situation. I think possibly, you’ll be best sorting it out now because it doesn’t sound like DD1 will be happy to sell and divide with DD2 when and if they inherit.
You’ve given her help, and presumably aren’t throwing her out next week. She should have been saving the money from the cheap rent really. No good deed goes unpunished OP! Hope your treatment goes well.

Yes ofcourse. I have suggested £15 thousand for a deposit on another house or money towards renting new house until she gets on her feet and feels more manageable. Even a flat rather than a house she maybe could afford a mortgage for but she wants a house with a garden etc

I can see why you would feel like that when your kids are young adults but the OPs daughter is 42. She has been extremely generous to her daughter. For her daughter to call her selfish is really nasty. I’m amazed people are defending that.

To be fair to OP, she is making sure both her kids are fine as well as her getting to do some things while still well.

The thing is here is that @Chloe2434 isn’t just thinking she wants to sell her house to go on holidays and her daughter and grandchildren are an afterthought.
She is facing a life-limiting fate. Both of her daughters should be there for her right now, as she has been for them.
Putting any pressure on her or making nasty remarks is absolutely out of order. This is a loving mum who is facing something awful at a relatively young age.
I think it would be good to sort this now. If she doesn’t when she is no longer here to do so no doubt DD1 will possibly make it hard for DD2 with more emotional blackmail.
OP isn’t wealthy. She has a singular house which she would like to sell, have a few good times before she can no longer have them, and then leave each DD with money.
DD1 is going to get the shock of her life when her mum is no longer there to emotionally manipulate - she won’t be able to stay in the house anyway an when her car breaks or she can’t pay a gas bill, Bank of Mum will be closed.
I am not being hard, it’s life OP has done her best so far to provide and support. A woman or 42 speaking to her ill mother this way is awful.
She should be offering support and working with her mum to find a solution.

I think offering £15k towards the cost of a new property is more than generous. So she wants a 3 bed house with garden?

Well I'd like a 5 bed, 5 bathroom house with a swimming pool and staff to cook & clean for me, but we have to cut our coat to fit the cloth don't we?

You owe it to your other daughter to settle the house arrangements now op. Otherwise she will be battling to release her share of the house after you've left us. That will inevitably leave resentment from her towards you both.

Your other daughter has had an easy ride. How on earth would she have managed if her mum didn't have a spare house she could have rented super cheap for years?

The house was rented to her with low rent while she left her husband and I wanted to help her and grandchildren out. It was discussed was temporary as I did the same thing for her sister when she left her husband 8 years previous. In-between I rented my house out full cost to people I didn’t know for my pension plan

I think the home will need to be sold before you die. Go over plans with a financial advisor, see what they say.

If you've already offered to sell oldest the home at a reduced price and she's refused, you know she thinks you'll leave it to her and she'll be likely to make selling it afterwards very difficult and for your other daughter to get her share. I wouldn't leave that mess behind.

You're probably best off to give your daughter a time frame to find a new place as the home will be sold. You offered her 15k, so she could get established in a new place. See what the FA says about that.

particularly the reason that you want to sell, due to having cancer and having to retire because of it. I get it’s tough as a single mum with 2 children but her attitude does come across as very selfish.

This is a really difficult problem.

I would seek advice from a financial advisor.

Is there any way she could buy a share in the house to release some cash? Apologies if this is a ridiculous idea!

I don't often think equity release is the right advice, but if you "only" want £50k to do some enjoyable stuff while you can, it might be right for you in your present situation @Chloe2434 . You then you don't have to ask your daughter to move out, and when the house is eventually sold by your heirs, the mortgage is redeemed before they receive equal shares of the remaining proceeds. If property has increased in value.

But you need to make a will setting this out now clearly so both your daughters understand and have time to come to terms with the situation.