AIBU to want to sell my house and daughter wants continue to rent it ?

[Chloe2434]

This is difficult to to decide.

my daughter is 42, working with 2 children ( my lovely grandchildren) One has anxiety problems, young teenager. daughter has rented my house for 6 years. I did want to sell my rental house previously but my daughter wanted lower rent and asked to rent mine for a while. Its now been six year, i charge low obviously.
iv been diagnosed with a slow growing cancer and explained to her i want to sell it and release some capital so i can do a few things while I am still relatively healthy, my daughter has called me selfish, “ I'm throwing my grandchildren children out etc ‘ it’s causing us to argue and the guilt gets to me, as to be honest she is single and rents are hard aren’t they for single parents.

Look into selling your DD a percentage of the house.
Would that work?
Have the house valued then work out how much 50,000 would buy.
Have a proper document drawn up.
You get 50,000 Your DD then pays a mortgage and also pays rent to you for the percentage that you still own.

Have you worked out what this would cost you in fees and stamp duty? We just moved and it cost us about £30k. Would it actually be better to get an equity release/mortgage to get the capital that you want? But your daughter should be more respectful and appreciative and understanding of your position

@Chloe2434 PLEASE don't feel guilty. You are an amazing mum and have given above and beyond to your daughter. But you do have to prioritise yourself now. Tbh it's so disappointing that your DD doesn't feel the sake way.
There is no reason for her not to rent a smaller house from you if she doesn't want to rent privately. If she has to sleep in the lounge so be it, it's a subsidised roof over her head.
I'm speaking as someone in a not dissimilar position re accommodating a DD and grandchild so understand all the issues. But she has choices, has been exceptionally privileged with the support you've provided, and should be returning that support now. Not giving you grief.
I wish you well, your deserve much better.

I think you are the one with cancer (I'm so sorry ❤️) which is life changing, even if not life limiting (🤞🏼).

I think if you want to sell your property & release some capital to enjoy now, you should!

BUT if I were you (& I'm obviously not! But I have had a life changing medical event, a stroke and it has changed my life completely! My financial plans are in ruins BUT I own my home (well me & the bank!! But the stability is so valued!! If I was renting I'd be so worried I'd be asked to leave (because of private landlords selling up)) You need to be carefully considering your own housing situation. You're not married, it's your partner's house. Life changing health issues change people & relationships. I'd look at downsizing the property you own. But still keeping A property that you could move into should you need to. Which you could let your daughter rent (if you're still so inclined to)

i can't believe your daughter is calling YOU selfish, you're her Mum. Doesn't she care more about your diagnosis & quality of life?? FFS.
yes, renting is hard, renting & being a solo parent is hard (where is the kids Dad in all this, does he contribute??) You wanted to sell 6 years ago ! She's taken advantage of your generous nature for 6 years & is now being horrible to you?!?! Jesus.

If you look at OP's posts, you can click "see all" and see all OP's posts for updates. You know. Get the whole situation picture. Like a sibling so house will need to be sold eventually anyway, financial help plan...

Just felt like that "see all" should be pointed out...

Oh give over. If you were my offspring I would sell the house from under you and spend the rest of my life on expensive cruises! I would make sure you didn't inherit a mouldy penny.

I think the ages of the grandchildren are probably relevant here. Are they both young teens or is one younger? £15k would be the difference in 4 years worth of rent, would that be long enough for her get on her feet a bit more?
While I feel for your daughters situation, I do think it's unreasonable of her to be insisting on a bigger house with a garden, when that is going to impact the quality of your remaining time, and it's hardly 'throwing them out on the streets ' to suggest she cuts her cloth accordingly. The one daughter also has to recognise that you have to be fair to both long term.

Am I the only one thinking 850 to 900 is quite manageable still? When I hear about people being priced out of an area its usually £1300 upwards.

I couldn't deprive my mother of having the money to enjoy her life whilst she has the chance. Could equity release work? In your situation, I wouldn't worry about leaving an inheritance for your DD when she has been so self centred. I don't know all that much about equity release but maybe it's a way to give you the money you need without having to deal with DD guilt tripping you.

Hi Chloe, so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

It sounds like your daughter is being thoughtless, although I appreciate that she is worried about her own kids.
As the local renting market seems relatively affordable, if she receives housing benefit, she could look into whether this would cover any increase in her rent on a different property. The entitledto website is a good place to start to check benefits eligibility.

Either way, you have been very selfless for at least the last six years in respect of your daughter - probably time that she tried to get a change of perspective. You are certainly not at all selfish!

I wish you all the best 🌻

The op says it’s a rental house. Does that mean there are two houses? One she lives in and wants to sell? Or do they all line together?

Sorry too late to EDIT my post.

I hadn't read your following posts.

I'm glad you're looking at buying another property for the security.

I feel for your younger daughter. Being the more responsible one always bites you on the bum.

I totally agree. This now deleted post was one of the worst I have seen on these boards.

You probably missed the updates. The OP rented her own home to her older daughter. And lives in her partners house. She does not own two properties. Just the one her daughter lives in.

I think YANBU.

When I read the opening post, I assumed from your daughter's age that you and your partner were in your mid 70s and therefore a) unlikely to split up and b) that a slow going cancer would still give you a full life expectancy. So I thought YWBU.

But then I saw that you're only 61 and plan to travel, see far flung friends etc. That's exactly what I'd want to do in your position. It sounds like you have gone from being a very young first time mother to raising two daughters and creating a financially secure life for yourself. Your daughters are now middle aged with children and jobs. You probably weren't able to think much about yourself throughout the whole of your 20s (at which age your daughters - like most young adults - were probably having fun, not saving for the future) Your only responsibility is to yourself. You deserve to have money to spend on doing what you really want in life now that you can and while you can.

Children don't remain your responsibility for life. My mum looked after me till I was in my early 20s. There was a period of neutrality. Then I've been loking after her since I was in my mid 30s. That's the natural cycle of parent-child relationships, I think!

OP's already said there's some months her daughter doesn't pay the rent and she helps her out financially with basics. Her daughter is not living within her means. She can't afford a 3 bed home with a garden without significant financial help. Your plan would screw over OP's youngest daughter.

The point has come where OP wants to put her affairs in order. She can't continue to subsidize her eldest and she knows if she leaves the home for the kids to sort, youngest will get screwed by eldest. It's time to give her 42 year old, who's significantly benefitted over the last 6 years and turned down an offer of cash for a deposit, her notice. It's pretty obvious daughter's plan is to guilt her mom into letting her stay, then squat and basically dare sister to remove her.

You’re not being unreasonable. Your younger daughter is being selfish and manipulative.

you’ve a life limiting disease. To be blunt the issue of the house needs to be dealt with now so you can (a) use the money to do what you want; and (b) you’re not leaving your older daughter with the argument/hassle of dealing with this. It would be very unfair to leave this for her to deal with as your you her daughter has shown she won’t go quietly.

TBH whilst you’ve said you haven’t treated your daughters differently, the reality is that your younger daughter has stopped your rental income for 6 which is selfish of her which may or may not be relevant as it will have had an impact on your finances. In your younger daughter’s shoes I’d be embarrassed and be actively trying to improve my situation.

If the current situation in the middle east keeps going for more than 3-4 weeks, you'd be throwing her to the wolves in terms of rents/mortgage rates. Same situation makes travel precarious. In your shoes, I'd wait, if it keeps going like this, you'll profit from the inevitable property value jump and not evict a teenager prone to anxiety just as gcses kick off.

The daughter may be eligible for some universal credit to help pay the rent. As she has been renting from a family member she didn't (if she was honest to them!) as it's a common fraud.

Could you get a mortgage against the home and use her rent to make the payments?

You would have a lump of money, house would still be yours.

Have you discussed with dd who lives in the house that when you die the house will need to be sold to give siblings their share?

Sorry to talk about difficult future times, but I think you need to sort this now. I imagine that down the line it will be very difficult for your other daughter to gain her share of the property. The one currently living in your house sounds like she thinks she's entitled to stay there no matter what. This isn't going to change when your other daughter would like her inheritance. Its likely to cause a rift between them.

OP you need to get this sorted legally as it will be difficult for them to sort out after you're gone.

Firstly, is there a tenancy agreement or is this an informal letting?

I think there is a case for saying you must sell it OP. Because you can't leave this daughter in the house until whenever you die, becasue then it will cause huge rifts between both your daughters, as I imagine the resident daughter will refuse to leave, so splitting the inheritnce will be virtually impossible. So for sibling harmony I would avoid leaving that mess of a situation to occur.

Here on MN I have noticed some people think that some mothers should give everything to their adult children, no matter what and drop everything to run to their aid, even if is something an normal adult can cope with.. It's disheartening actually to see so many people feel so entitled and demanding towards parents.

OP, you are sick. Even if you were not sick, you do not have to sub your daughter for the rest of your life. She has six years to try and put something into place, even be on a housing association wait list if she couldn't afford market rates.

What she has said to you is appalling and unkind. If you were my mum I would want you to live the best life with however long you had left.