AIBU to want to sell my house and daughter wants continue to rent it ?

[Chloe2434]

This is difficult to to decide.

my daughter is 42, working with 2 children ( my lovely grandchildren) One has anxiety problems, young teenager. daughter has rented my house for 6 years. I did want to sell my rental house previously but my daughter wanted lower rent and asked to rent mine for a while. Its now been six year, i charge low obviously.
iv been diagnosed with a slow growing cancer and explained to her i want to sell it and release some capital so i can do a few things while I am still relatively healthy, my daughter has called me selfish, “ I'm throwing my grandchildren children out etc ‘ it’s causing us to argue and the guilt gets to me, as to be honest she is single and rents are hard aren’t they for single parents.

I was waiting for the judgement to creep in. Would you still be considering this if it was your other daughter? Or if the one who rents from you managed her finances better?

Are some people missing the why is OP selling?....

Put yourself first here.

Your daughter is likely just upset and worried about her situation but shit happens doesn’t it and the last thing you need is her guilting you.

Yes of-course I would financially help them out. I do now already help her out with her household bills some times and some times she doesn’t pay rent for a month if her car breaks down or something like that. Iv always helped out which ever daughter needs help. This will never change.

Could you try to sell it to a landlord who will still rent it out? Ask an estate agent.

She might have to pay more rent though but perhaps you could help her a little with it?

OP is choosing to put herself before the needs of her child and grandchildren. By definition that is selfish.

Being in your 40s & expecting your mum to house you is surely selfish?

You’re not being selfish at all OP. Your daughter needs to take responsibility for her own life. I rented a house to relatives once. Never again!

Maybe offer her the opportunity to buy half the house (or another %) So she buys herself security & releases a chunk for you to use.
If you want to keep ownership of an entire property, then sell & buy a smaller 3 bedroom in a cheaper area? Or a two bedroom that kids can share/she could use living space to sleep in. She can still rent, but has to accept her family having less space/further to commute etc as a trade off for low rent.

She can’t dictate to you what you do with your investment, but it would be nice to continue to help her a bit if you can. She also needs to have a plan in place for after your day when she’ll have to share what you leave with siblings.

Iv always helped out which ever daughter needs help. This will never change.

Perhaps it needs to change?

I think this is her being a bit selfish!

If you’re willing to help her out towards buying her own place, that sounds very generous.

Sounds like it wasn’t meant to be a long term thing either!

I can understand why you want to do things while you are well but if it was me I couldn't sell a house that was my DDs and DGCs home.
Can you use the money she pays you on rent to do the things you want to do? Would she be able to find anywhere else to live? How would you feel doing the things you want to do if your grandchildren had to live in unsuitable accommodation? Was the house her family home that she shared with her father? If so how would he feel about it?
Having said that you are not being unreasonable either your daughter should be more understanding she doesn't have a right to rent your home or to pay a under the market rent. Perhaps you can increase the rent?
I hope you can both find some sort of compromise.

Selfish is an odd word though, because everyone should be a bit selfish - you have to put yourself somewhere in your list of priorities!

I guess she’s being entitled as she’s got no right to ask this of you - it’s your house, and she only asked to rent it “for a while” not forever

The OP has a life limiting illness, and would like to use the profit of money she has earned to live while she can. Her DD has had a good ride from her mum for many years, it’s selfish to not see why your mum might need to free up her finances.

I have recently been diagnosed with cancer - my only urge is to ensure my 4 young adult children have the means to have a roof of their heads - it’s been a bit primal for me - if they aren’t going to have me in their life I need to leave them with some physical security. I might well be being irrational but that’s where my gut went unexpectedly - I have no bucket list just to be close to my DCs and see them with some sort of settled foundation.

Your daughter has become very reliant on you and is possibly hoping to just inherit the house as your other daughter is settled.

This is hugely presumptuous.

Honestly OP, has she been trying to plan and help herself towards this day?

Any inheritance needs to be split fairly.
She has already benefited enormously from a low rent.
I wonder has this done her any real favor in the long run?

Stay strong and firm on this.
Do not be guilted by her.
I hope you have good health news going forward.
Do not allow her to stress you further at this time.

You misunderstand me, I would feel the same way. When I die my house ( if I don’t go in a care home or anything ) will automatically be left to both my children. Both children deserve this, not love one more than the other. Their is no judgement, just observations, it’s not fair to penalise one because she deals with their money better or not

If she can't afford the market rent where she lives, she can cope with a 2 bedroom home which will be cheaper. Nobody needs a 3 bed, if it's her and 2 children, at least 2 people will be the same sex and can share.

I can’t just leave her my house solo as have to leave to both my daughters to be fair.

Your daughter has had 24 years as an adult to save up. If you want to sell then sell.

The OP has a life limiting illness, and would like to use the profit of money she has earned to live while she can. Her DD has had a good ride from her mum for many years, it’s selfish to not see why your mum might need to free up her finances.

Yes I know & I agree.

She's young enough to sort her own life out. You, OP, do not have similar time to play with. 💐

I thought you were being unreasonable when I read the first line - I want to sell my house and daughter!

But you are not being unreasonable for wanting to sell your house and enjoy your life.
Your daughter is an adult so can sort housing for her own children. She was lucky to have your support for 6 years and needs to be grateful.

she probably just worrying as she has my grandchildren. Things are more expensive like cost of living etc. single etc. I am hurt about her saying mean things to me as I have always financially helped her out and didn’t expect her backlash. I’m putting it down to her feeling anxious about the changes she would have. I would financially continue to help out ie house hold bills, items for grandchildren etc ofcourse .

If you’re really looking for a 50k boost could you not sell her 50k’s worth of house? She should be able to mortgage that.

I get it though from her side as well as a family member rented out their house to family mortgage free for around £650 a basic old council 3 bed.

The house next door is £1,499 a month the jump would be terrible. My friend family member moved in with a we will match the rent you pay current. Now they are being told it’s going to jump hugely. But they have no choice as they gave up their same price tenancy and won’t pass a credit check and feel royally fucked over as their old landlord is one of those you can stay forever with a £25 a month per year increase as long as the rents paid investor types. If they had of known they would have never moved in.

The regular rent here would be around £850 to £900 and I ask for £60O currently plus I help her out with bills and things. She knows that wouldn’t change I’m sure.