Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

[ZanySheep]

We have talked about marriage although bf is still going through his divorce. 3.5 years in, we live together with my kids (they call him step dad) he's met everyone on my side we are very very happy . His ex has said to him I will never be a part of their dd's lives (19&21yrs) still I have never met them because of this . They were living together when we met. They are still married going thru divorce. I have a feeling he will propose when divorce comes through.. my question is should I say yes if I've never met his girls ? I've met his parents , some friends. They live local he sees them every week , gives them money still . He's a brilliant dad . What are everyone's thoughts ?..

You wrecked these girls lives at 15/16 and 17/18 . I cannot see how they would want to meet you TBH.

He's moved on to live with you and your DC and only see his at weekends?

Doesn't sound like the best dad. But also doesn't sound like he'll ever put them first so you should be fine 🙄

Ya think?

I’ll give it to him he spins a good sob story

I suppose his wife didn’t understand him, they never had sex, he only stayed gutted kids and she was crazy.

And he told you this? You haven't met dd to confirm and his wife, they are still married, wouldn't tell you.

For a mature person you come across as naive as fuck tbh.

I would just talk to him about all this, not in the context of a proposal. Find out what he wants to happen in the longer term- does he see this as a permanent state of affairs or is he working towards introducing you? Do his daughters feel similar to their mother about it all? Proposal or not, it makes sense to get an idea of the kind of life he’s looking to build.

dd is at u uni top grades consistently . The other dropped out of uni before we even met

His daughter would make his bed up on the floor for him? You are truly blessed to have found this prince amongst men. Like I said, I think you should marry him - a good match.

How would marriage benefit you and your kids? Would you risk losing half of all your assets if he decides to cheat again and divorce you?

I don't think his daughters would ever want to meet their fathers mistress or the unrelated kids he chose to live with over them.

His wife could be saying she is 'not allowing' it to save face for her daughters.

Definitely not,don't do it!!!

Neither is old enough to be at uni 3.5 years ago 🤷‍♀️

This jigsaw of shit not quite fitting together

Who owns your house? Ask yourself if you married him, and you died first, what would happen to your assets etc in relation to your kids. You can talk about it with him and get assurances but it is not enough to trust his word.

If you were already “the other woman”, you have solid evidence that he can jump ship quickly. So please think very carefully.

He slept on the floor for a year? Yeah, right! I'm not remotely surprised his daughters wouldn't want to meet you as the OW, but I also don't think that it's a tenable situation to marry him with that kind of rift in place. You're not going to be able to force the issue with the girls though, so perhaps giving it a year or so once the divorce is finalised to see how things pan out, before even considering marriage might be the way to go.

It’s extremely disingenuous of you to blame his wife for the daughters not having met you. They’re grown women and you had an affair with their father, breaking up the family and likely devastating their mother. To then drip feed this crucial information and insinuate his wife is at fault here tells me you both deserve each other.

‘Brilliant dad’: good dads don’t treat their teens the way your partner has treated his. You’re gambling for yourself and your DC on someone who’s a poor bet.

Why would the ex end things? She had a husband of two decades, teenage DDs going through exam periods. She wasn't the one out looking for other people to sleep with, he was. This is all on him. If he wanted out, he should have left her. He waited until he had found his next woman before he left. He's absolutely despicable.

Do you feel any level of regret or empathy towards the family you helped to destroy?
I don't think he is a good Dad, and I don't see how you could ever trust him.

So this is a man who cheated on his wife with you, hasn't been able to finalise a divorce in 3.5 years and who has two adult kids who want nothing to do with him and an ex partner who is, understandibly, angry because his cheating ended her marriage and caused pain to her children.

Frankly it all sounds like a mess.

As the OW you have to accept that you played a part in creating this mess and can't really complain now.

I think that your own kids deserve better than this man though.

All credit to her and none to you or their father. She may do well academically but I promise you the emotional trauma will be very real.

The same reason as anyone marries

He could have bought his ex out of the house, or she could have bought him out. He chose living with you over sorting out the divorce and making sure he had somewhere for his children to live with him.

assuming he’d previously been a good parent he still massively fucked up with his teens. Whatever the situation with his marriage if he wanted to date other women and support his DC he could have treated them carefully, instead of prioritising his sex life with a new woman.

I assume they know about you and he's offered them the opportunity to meet you?

They were teens when he began his affair with you and they probably blame you to a degree. I think you are unreasonable to expect his daughters to want to meet the OW/ their dad's new family. They under no obligation to play happy families.

He slept on the floor for a year
😂😂😂

Is this your DP when he was a teen?

So it would financially benefit you and your kids if divorcing in future?
You have solid confirmation of how this man views marriage.

In what world can you tell a 19 and 21 year old that they will meet her? They can just refuse and who could blame them not wanting them to meet the woman their dad was shagging whilst still with their mum.