Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

[ZanySheep]

We have talked about marriage although bf is still going through his divorce. 3.5 years in, we live together with my kids (they call him step dad) he's met everyone on my side we are very very happy . His ex has said to him I will never be a part of their dd's lives (19&21yrs) still I have never met them because of this . They were living together when we met. They are still married going thru divorce. I have a feeling he will propose when divorce comes through.. my question is should I say yes if I've never met his girls ? I've met his parents , some friends. They live local he sees them every week , gives them money still . He's a brilliant dad . What are everyone's thoughts ?..

He left it a year before applying for divorce to let thing settle

Such a bullshit excuse, weighing up his options more like.

Naviety is incredible - I'll tell you what you want to hear and you're gullible you'll believe any old shit no matter how stupid it sounds in cold light of day.

You would be a fool to marry him.

Soon there will be a vacany for another ow

We have a joint bank account he does see them he doesn't lie .

Yep. Waiting for his nurse with a purse to deliver a roof over his head.

Probably his wife found out he’s a grubby little cheat and kicked his lying arse out.

3.5 years and he’s still not divorced - we all know no one falling lice quicker than a man who needs a roof over his head.

I think realistically you may have to accept that these young women will never accept you, never want to be around you and never see you as anything other than the cause of pain and disruption in their lives. It doesn’t matter whether you agree with that view or not, they are young adults and they get to choose who they interact with. If not meeting them is a dealbreaker for you, then don’t marry him.

A decent man would respect his daughters’ wishes and not push them on this - but then a decent man would have ended his marriage honourably before he shacked up with a new partner 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why did he even propose when he’s still married?
Does he not spend time with his daughters?
They are adults now, the ex really has nothing to do with his parenting now.

Why didn’t he split up with his wife before starting a relationship with you?

He isn't even divorced yet and is proposing marriage. Were you the OW. His daughters are adults maybe they just don't want to meet you. Ever. And not surprising if you were the cause of their parents marriage breakdown.

When you got together they were teenagers, probably doing GCSEs and Alevels. Just about the worst time to experience family trauma.
Im not surprised they want nothing to do with you - the state of their parents’ marriage is irrelevant to them.
They are young adults, still with developing brains.

I'd want to hear his wife's version

I don't think it matters whether you ever meet his daughters - and what purpose would it serve?

As you were the OW they will never like you!

His DD clearly don’t want to meet their dads mistress who causes their DM so much upset and on turn turned their lives upside down during some quite critical educational years. I don’t blame them. You have no evidence he’s a good dad but plenty that he isn’t. Meeting weekly isn’t dad of the year material nor is throwing money at the situation. If he was close to his DDs he might have persuaded them to meet you in the last few years but he hasn’t has he. As for meeting his oarents and rest of the family - that stands for nothing. They are his parents so won’t want to just cut him out by refusing to meet you but I’d imagine they weren’t overjoyed by his actions.

So everything you have heard, you heard from him? The sleeping on the floor, the “fact” that it is his ex wife who has refused to let you meet his adult daughters? And this is from a man who lied to his family to have an affair? Surely you are not silly enough to believe these obvious lies. If you do, then more fool you…

OP, I hope you've brought your suit of armor because you'll need it on here now you've revealed that.

I think you should marry this man if that's what the two of you want. Doesn't matter what the stbexwife thinks.

Of course you don't know that. It takes a special kind of morally corrupt and dishonest person to do what he did to his family. You cannot assume he will be any different with you, he's simply not an honest honourable man.

If man asked you to give him your life savings so that he could invest them for you and you'd get more money back but you knew he had done the same to someone else before but cheated them off their money, would you still give him your money to invest? Marrying him would be gambling with your children's future inheritance. It coould even be the case that his children who hates you will inherit everything from you if you died first.

Bit of a drip feed with your ages here I just know we're going to be... why are you asking about anything if you are so sure, nothing is certain in life.
Marriage or living together if you just know you'll be together for the next possible 30 odd years, why ask randoms on here what to do ?

Is there a reason you want to shag a man who cheated on his wife of 20 years?

Yes he was his DD would make his bed up sometimes on the floor and ex would hide evidence in the cupboard so no one saw they were sleeping separately

Maybe there is info we don’t know here.

OP could have been an affair partner, it says he was living with his wife when he met OP. Even if he told OP “they were only living together for convenience” etc it is very unlikely to be true.

If he did (in the wife’s eyes) have an affair with OP, I can imagine this would impact the transition to new relationship and how receptive the DDs would be to meeting OP. Maybe the mum is putting pressure on the DDs, maybe it’s coming from them.

Either way I don’t think this guy is the one OP!!! He’s jumped from one household to another easy as pie so of course he’s nice to you all…. PLEASE don’t marry him and put your kids’ assets at risk.

Yeah right 😒

hes a hard worker on a good wage I guess that's why ex didnt end things

When those dc have dc that hat will be dropping very often.
And sadly you will be sat at home twiddling your thumbs...

It’s a shit show, but you and he are the shits I’m afraid.

You might as well go ahead and marry him, I guess, the damage to his first family is already done.