Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

[ZanySheep]

We have talked about marriage although bf is still going through his divorce. 3.5 years in, we live together with my kids (they call him step dad) he's met everyone on my side we are very very happy . His ex has said to him I will never be a part of their dd's lives (19&21yrs) still I have never met them because of this . They were living together when we met. They are still married going thru divorce. I have a feeling he will propose when divorce comes through.. my question is should I say yes if I've never met his girls ? I've met his parents , some friends. They live local he sees them every week , gives them money still . He's a brilliant dad . What are everyone's thoughts ?..

He had an affair with you. Do you trust him not to cheat again but this time on you?

No way would I marry him. Why not just cohabit? You absolutely have to meet his daughters. They’re adults. It’s not like you’re going to be a mother figure to them.

He's a brilliant dad compared to my ex who doesn't pay a penny towards our two children

So their dad starting shagging you while he was married to their mum and they were teenagers, he moved into a new cozy little family set up quickly and you wonder why they don’t want meet you?

I don’t don’t blame them tbh

Of course not, what are you thinking? He could be a shit dad, you only have his word for it @ZanySheep

This is telling. I think your standards are on the floor. The whole situation has red flags all over it. I wouldn't marry him, and would recommend you get some therapy.

i just know we are going to be together till we die we were both married over 20 years to our exes and we both grew apart . We aren't young I'm approaching 50 he's not a player !

Then it's not surprising his ex is angry with you. But she can't dictate to her adult children. Ask him to invite them for coffee. No reason to get the ex's permission.

You may as well marry him. The daughters may never forgive you for helping hurt their mother, so crack on.

So, you are (rightly) cautious about accepting a proposal because you've not met this man's dds and there's obvious bitterness because he cheated. But you readily brought the same man into your dcs's lives, living in their home, creating a 'stepfather relationship without the same caution? I just don't get it.

Yes I was thinking this

I wouldn’t marry a cheat regardless of whether I had met his children.

But then I guess he’s in good company..

Oh hell no, legally tying yourself to this guy would be crazy bananas. He has already proven that he is a liar and a cheat. On top of that he thinks it's OK to have a completely seperate life to his kids, a life and a family that they can never be involved in because their dad is a liar and a cheat. He chose to move in with you before his kids had had the time to get over the betrayal. He's really quite a shitty person and I'm amazed you can't see it. Why do you want to inflict all this drama on your own kids?

Remember that when a man marris his mistress, he creates a vacancy. He'll do the same to you as he did to his wife.

he had an affair and broke up his family at a time when his daughters were likely getting ready for GCSEs and A-Levels, probably causing them huge additional stress.

you shouldn’t marry him until you meet them because they will be a huge gap at your wedding and that will be a strong memory for
him. But don’t expect to meet them soon

Would love to hear his wife’s version of this story. The fact his adult daughters won’t meet you shines light on his lies. They were devastated and hence won’t meet you. Surely you can see that op? If you were 20 I could understand you believing the grew apart story but you are in your 50’s.

No not at all however it's been more than 3 years and they're grown women . He slept on the floor before he met me for a year their relationship was far from roses

Given that his daughters are adults it makes zero sense for you to not to meet them. The ex doesn’t make that call, he does.

i wouldn’t accept any proposal until this has happened

No, the DDs get to make that call and they don't want to meet their dad's mistress. It's hardly surprising.

Every terrible dad insists they are a brilliant parent! You absolutley should be meeting everyone important in his life first, multiple times.

Just remember- when a man marries his mistress he leaves a vacancy

I'm sure his wife thought that too!!! You absolute fool, he'll upgrade from you in time too.

If he were my dad, I wouldn't want to meet you either. I despise cheats.

I would not marry this man, I would not even be under the same roof as this man for so many reasons.
Protracted divorce why is it taking so long? Not met the adult dds, being told they will never be part of my life, He seems to have home A and home B [you] I could think of more, why is he even still paying the mortgage ? Sounds like the entire amount.
He's got it made with you roof over his head, sex on tap etc.
Shut the door behind you Joe.

That old chestnut! You were the OW and played a part in destroying their parent’s marriage. The communication may have come from his ex wife but I wouldn’t be surprised at all if the children have no desire to meet you, rather than the wife saying they can’t.

3 years is nothing. my dad trotted out the grown apart story and expected us to feel sorry for him. It was news to us that’s for sure ,as they was no sign of it before the ow.

I refused to meet the other woman my dad left my mum for for 6 years…. Then he left her too and went on to the next woman… don’t meet her either…

I bet it would be an interesting conversation with his wife as to where he was sleeping before he met you. You genuinely believe he slept on the floor for a year?