Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

[ZanySheep]

We have talked about marriage although bf is still going through his divorce. 3.5 years in, we live together with my kids (they call him step dad) he's met everyone on my side we are very very happy . His ex has said to him I will never be a part of their dd's lives (19&21yrs) still I have never met them because of this . They were living together when we met. They are still married going thru divorce. I have a feeling he will propose when divorce comes through.. my question is should I say yes if I've never met his girls ? I've met his parents , some friends. They live local he sees them every week , gives them money still . He's a brilliant dad . What are everyone's thoughts ?..

You know that makes no difference, right?

I’d look at it purely from a financial standpoint because there is no reason you can’t continue to cohabit as you are with no issues. How would you benefit from marriage ?

Do own your house ??
How much equity is there in it ?
Do you have a pension ?
Savings ?

How will his divorce impact him financially? Please bear in mind the possibility that his proposal could be for his own financial interest.
Most people are considerably worse off after divorce. Will his assets post divorce, match yours ?

Everyone gets married thinking they’ll be together until they die but things can change, even in second marriages. In a divorce, he’d get half your assets.
If anything happens to you,his kids could end up getting a share of your assets instead of it going direct to your own children.
My lawyer told me that marriage overrides any previous wills that have been written.

Protect yourself and your children and see a lawyer before you decide anything.
When you take the superficial romance out of it, marriage is just a form of legalised financial protection.

So just think: Would you be protected or more vulnerable ?

his DD would make his bed up sometimes on the floor and ex would hide evidence in the cupboard so no one saw they were sleeping separately

Sure.

He told you all this presumably, as you haven’t met his DD so they can’t corroborate his stories.

He is living with you because he can’t afford rent and mortgage to house his DC.

Sounds like you have a cock lodger tbh.

If she’s 21 now and you met 3 1/2 years ago she wouldn’t have been at university.

If he is such a hard worker why didn’t he make his own bed.

No fool like an old fool.
One day in the future another woman might have same issue with your children refusing to see her.

21 and dropped out of uni over 3.5 years ago? Daughter making up father's bed and wife hiding the evidence? Something's not adding up.

Run as fast as your legs will carry you.

You are good enough to live with but not to meet his adult children. Raise your standards.

He is not your children’s step father as you are not married, he is still married to his wife.

If you marry him, if you predeceased him your estate would go to him, unless you have a robust will in place after the marriage.

You are living with another woman’s husband.
Whose house is it? If it is yours for goodness sake protect your assets and do not marry him, once or if they actually divorce.

What are everyone's thoughts ?..

My thoughts are “why are you asking?”.

What is it that stops you thinking? “great, we’re going to get married“ without needing to post on here. There is something and think it will be useful to you, to identify what that is, OP.

I have read all your updates and I assume you have reservations, but I can’t pinpoint what they are.

Joint bank account with OP but he’s still married to his wife

Either there’s a few porkies being told or OP has been well and truly mugged off by a lying cheat looking for a nurse with a purse.

Yes definitely his BITTER wife and not a 19 and a 21 year old making the decision that they don’t want to know you…

marriages break up, people have affairs, it happens. But this was their family and they clearly don’t want to have anything to do with you and are old enough to have made that decision. Marry him if you’re sure you want to but I doubt you’re going to have a relationship with them.

That makes no sense. Do you seriously believe that?

This is like a wild 🐑 chase.

He was a shit dad to them. Cheating is a form of domestic abuse. Now he's replaced them with your kids. They probably hate you because you helped him blow up his home. They might never change their minds. Then there's the 21 year old that dropped out of university long before you met, 3 and 1/2 years ago. So she was in university at 15 or 16?

You'd better see a lawyer and get a loophole free will drawn up if you marry this guy and want your children to get anything if you die. He's not trustworthy, to put it mildly.

Why is the divorce taking so long? Isn't a couple of years unusual?

Need ☕

This.

@TwistedWonder "Joint bank account but he’s still married to his wife"

I feel sorry for the divorce solicitor having to unravel his financial affairs !

If it's a joint bank account, do you pay into it OP?

Ha ha… that is the oldest joke in the book!

they all say that.

hes a liar. He’s a cheat

shame on the pair of you.

This is what I was thinking!

@OP are you really in your 50s? Because honestly your thought process is more akin to one of a teenager - or at least that is how it comes across from your posts.

The DDs dont want to meet you because you imploded their family life and hurt their mother. This should be obvious to any adult - much less someone who was married for over 20 years. You are a source of hurt in their lives and they don’t want to socialise with you. Simple.

Also this man you want to marry does really know to spin a tale, doesn’t he?

Op you only have his word for everything.
This bizarre story about sleeping on the floor that is nuts.
Go meet his kids. Turn up.
In fact you do not even have proof he goes to meet his dds and is not going to meet his (an)other woman or his wife he is married to.

He sounds just like Bill Clinton, "I did not have a sexual relationship with that women" 😆😆😆

i just know we are going to be together till we die

Oh OP, so many women here believed that was true of their own marriage! Until it wasn’t.

Why was the daughter making his bed up? And why on the floor?
And who was the wife hiding this evidence from?

Why would he still be married to her? I'll bet it's because she's a crazy psycho ex and won't sign the forms etc.

It's so bizarre that you believe this.

Wait, you have a joint account with a man you're not married to, whilst he's married to someone else, and going through divorce?

You know that might probably for you when the divorce comes through because it could be seen as a marital asset and you might lose money....

get his name off that account as soon as possible.

Indeed, I'm sure the op thoughts. He was going to be married to her ex-husband until she died when she married him...

If you were the OW in my parents divorce I would have nothing to do with you either. Not ever.
I dont think you can expect to play happy families in these situations.

He slept on the floor before he met me for a year

HA HA HA HA HA. Thanks for the laugh OP 😂

They weren't grown women though were they? I think once the divorce comes through you should wait for it all to settle then do it.