To get DD out of a rave

[TheSassyHedgehog]

We've just realised DD (17) is probably at a rave in the middle of nowhere. We knew she was going to a party with a friend but thought it was in the city we live in. However from her last location on phone, DH and I can see she's a good 20 ish miles away, probably in woodland, no houses for miles, and there's no signal now so we don't know how she'll organise to get home, plus have all the worries about whatever's going on there. We were young once though and know she could be having the time of her life but we want to get her home as it'll be getting cold. We think DH should drive to last known location and look for her but she may well be furious. AIBU?

Free raves in the woods were far more fun than in a stinky warehouse!

We used to have an annual rave in my mates quarry in the peak district, although it was all friends and we only had about a hundred people at it. the cops would show up every year but when they realised the owner was there, they'd hang out by the fire for a couple of hours listening to the tunes. We'd always get some random folk schlepping across the fields to join us when they heard the music, and they were welcomed with open arms. Good times, I miss those days.

Are E’s even a thing anymore? Round here it’s all coke and ket as far as I can see

A 2pm curfew! 🤣🤣🤣 "But Mum, there's still three hours of shopping time!"

I love typos.

I miss them too! Last tech-free era!

There’s a lot more diversity in drug use at raves nowadays, but the UK remains a huge user of E.

One way of looking at it 😂

I was chatting to someone last week and apparently the Es are very good these days! I am constantly baffled by the popularity of ketamine, I tried it once when it started popping up in about 1994, 1/10 would not recommend.

Who were you chatting with?! Your drug dealer?

An old friend!! Doesn't everyone buy their drugs online these days?

Maybe it’s too light in the summer? There was an epic rave post Covid in our small city. It was so loud it woke everyone up even my parents who live 5 miles away and are quite deaf.

Even made the local news. Was killing my self laughing as the local new reader intoned “many of them continued to dance - even though the music had long stopped”

Mandy and pills definitely still a thing,coke and ket all also huge, plus shrooms etc

Why on earth was my post deleted??!?!

And some people are so desperate to insist their nearly adult teenagers are “a child” is embarrassing.

I think teenagers develop af different rates. I’m very aware that legally my dd will be 18 in a few months. However, from a maturity perspective, she’s not yet her chronological age. Normal, as she’s recovering from ED. The brain shrinks and takes a long, long time to recover. People, who are ND are also generally younger than their years. I don’t think this is all down to the parents. Some of this is down to the individual teen. But do I say my almost 18 yo is a child these days? No. Even though she very much is and it’s often like dealing with a 15 yo rather than 17. Tough gig. She needs parenting a lot and a lot of guidance.

This is why parents should not be tracking youn people by phone..... it turns the parents into creepy nutters.

This ^
Raves in the countryside take you far away from the drunken, meat-market that is town nightclubs. The people have put in quite a bit of effort to get there and are committed to the party. Everyone (or it was in my day) looks out for each other, you often get adopted by other groups if you get lost. It's mostly safe.
I hope she's had a fantastic evening and wish I could have been there myself.

Perhaps 30ish years ago when we were out our parents were less stressed because they didn't know where we were. No location tracking. In fact, no phones. And they would never EVER pick me up gone 10.30pm.
Maybe just turn off the location tracking.

The way to gain trust is to not lie. A parent teaches their kids that there are consequences to lying. Hopefully the biggest consequences in this situation is embarrassment, and not the scary alternative.

You do you, but this child put herself in a situation that could have bad consequences. Where her parents didnt know where she was. Id rather my kid be upset with me because I called them out on their stupid behaviour, than dealing with a scary alternative.

That's exactly why I don't track mine - I get anxious enough without adding a tracker into the mix, it'd just feed any anxiety and I can see how it'd become easy to obsess over keeping checking it and their whereabouts!
It's not healthy.

You’re free to disagree. That doesn’t make denigrating other parents reasonable.

It’s still weird to treat an adult like a child!

Jesus this is still going on. I think it’s clear everyone is different. My DC are now both away at university (in fact one is about to finish) but when they were still at school and living at home both had to leave at 2am and it was never an issue for them. You may find it weird. It’s completely normal for lots of people (including most of their mates) partly because getting home becomes a logistical nightmare when you live out in the sticks if you leave it any later. Even leaving at 2am you run the serious risk that you won’t get a uber. You don’t need to be worried for my poor cloistered children. Theyre perfectly fine.

Sorry but it is. It’s not a different subjective parenting approach - it gets quite odd fast if you try and actively “parent” a legal adult. It’s actually quite sinister.