To get DD out of a rave

[TheSassyHedgehog]

We've just realised DD (17) is probably at a rave in the middle of nowhere. We knew she was going to a party with a friend but thought it was in the city we live in. However from her last location on phone, DH and I can see she's a good 20 ish miles away, probably in woodland, no houses for miles, and there's no signal now so we don't know how she'll organise to get home, plus have all the worries about whatever's going on there. We were young once though and know she could be having the time of her life but we want to get her home as it'll be getting cold. We think DH should drive to last known location and look for her but she may well be furious. AIBU?

Agreed. My 17yo dd isn’t into drugs, doesn’t really drink. She said the same thing. She’s decided she prefers to go clubbing, hasn’t been for months though. I am not bothered about the drugs tbh because as long as she’s careful, keeps herself safe, she’s unaffected.

ahhh to be a teenager again

We did this in the 90s but were only 15 and didnt have mobiles

🤣

I don’t think it’s about the pregnancy. I think it’s about having an abortion without parental support at 17/18 as your parents are oblivious that you may still need parenting. Some kids are pretty self sufficient by 18. Others are not and I’d be really sad if my dd didn’t feel she could come to me if she needed something.

Nah Id be on the phone. Fuck pussy footing around this situation. If she wants to be an 'adult', then don't lie and and be open about where you are. An adult sees the danger, a child doesn't. Id be pissed she lied. Shes not 18 yet and she lives under your roof.

So do you think that once they turn 18 they will suddenly become independent and capable just because they are now officially 'an adult' ?
Their teenage years are there to build up independence - and the best way to do it is with trusting parents who are there when they need help as they start to navigate the adult world.

It’s perfectly reasonable to denigrate the weird and ridiculous parenting being discussed on this thread. A curfew for an 18 year-old? WTAF.

Exactly!

In the 80’s my brother used to go to raves in caves often in the middle of nowhere.

Did you skip your teenage years? I remember drinking in a graveyard in the snow. That was just what the cool kids did. (I wasn't one of them, by the way, but I was absolutely trying to be!)

No but the raves I went to were indoors and at 15 I could get in to pubs and clubs by knowing the details of an older friends paper driving licence by heart. We did go down the river drinking but not in winter lol. Scotland so maybe it’s different 😆

Stop....using..."cool"...because...people...
disagree...with...you

It is such an unhelpful trend on here

You missed out. Free parties outside is a whole different vibe to raves in clubs. Try one!

hopefully you can find it in yourselves to trust her in future. If she’s already told you she’s out all night raving let her be unless she asks for help

I agree 👍.

😂

Having grown up raving in the 90’s to all sorts of jungle, happy hardcore, drum and bass etc I can 100% confirm that raves although more pleasant in summer do most certainly happen year round. One of my most memorable ones was in the middle of a forest off the side of the M6 where we all built quite possibly the biggest bonfire the UK had ever seen to keep us warm. The police were less than impressed of course when they came to shut it down following reports of poor visibility on the motorway and the sound of junglist massive. Ahhh back when life was one big adventure and we lived weekend to weekend finding out the locations of the next one on pirate radio stations as we didn’t have wattsapp! Bagleys, Helter Skelter, dreamscape, United dance, dream FM, walking through a field of cows at 6am trying to get back to your mates car that you were sure you’d parked somewhere around here!

Yes. I discovered this in my 50s!!!

...and when I did, because of my age people would say to me "It's just like the good old raves back in the 90s, isn't it!" and I'd have to laugh and admit "I've no idea, I was busy cleaning the bathroom every weekend back then" 🤣

Thanks I’ll give it a miss. Having spent my entire 20’s and more living in a holiday resort basically going out for a living for a large part of that, I’m happy now to nor have experienced that. I like to be at home where it’s peaceful by 10pm these days although I work Saturday nights in a pub with a dj and can’t wait til the end of the night for the loud music to go off 😅

It’s actually hilarious and sweet lmao

They do more than dance their socks off. It's far from a 1920's tea dance.

My DS flew to Germany alone in the summer aged 17. He arrived at Munich alone and managed to find his way to a train which he caught to the centre of the city and met his friends at their airB&B.

He had never even walked to school alone, been to town alone, walked to his friends’ alone as they all live some distance away.

He was fine. Your DD will be fine.

I was a raver in the 90s and back then, they only happened in the summer monnths( outdoors). Winter was warehouse parties.

So if it is the woods in freezing pissingMarch today's teenagers are hardier than I was.

We live in the sticks so it was parent lifts or nothing when mine were teens. We did all that willingly because of where we live. As they got older they would sometimes pre-book a taxi (none would drive out here otherwise) and share the cost with a friend. Either way we had to have some timescale to go by even though we never tracked them. If they were at a party in a field then DH would expect a phone call to pick up within a reasonable range of times and they were both very good at messaging.

Interestingly the boot was on the other foot recently. DS had been trying to ring me and got no answer several times. I then got a message saying he was setting off to come over as he was worried. He got some teasing about the time he got drunk and we had to find him in a field somewhere but I was touched by his concern.

Err you're talking to a stalwart of the late 80's and 90's club and free party scene. I know exactly what goes on.

If my teen DD told me they were at a party and their location showed woodland, you bet I'd go looking, because its not just raves that have young women in woodlands, is it? If she was 'mortified' then too bad. Life lesson, if you don't want your embarrassing mother turning up at a rave because she's checking you've not been dragged into the woods; then you tell the truth about your plans, and if they change you send a two minute message to say so.

What do you mean? Drugs? The drugs at a rave are mostly to facilitate the dancing off of the tits. There isn't usually much sex going on as although E makes you feel like you love everyone it isn't often conducive to feeling horny. Not sure what else you'd be concerned about them doing?