Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to friend’s wedding dilemma

356 replies

ScullyD · 15/03/2026 00:59

I was part of a friend group at uni 15 years ago and from that group I remain closest to my friend Emma. In particular me, Emma and Fraser were close for years and took trips together. Sometimes me and Fraser, or just me and Emma, or all 3 of us. Then when he got a gilfriend he seemed to drop us and it was very hurtful. I missed him.

i remember meeting the new gf twice and each time she looked me up and down quite nastily which I took to be feeling threatened of the platonic friendship. 5 years later he suddenly reappeared making an effort with Emma and I went for lunch with them. But crucially he has never kept in touch with as he used to and according to Emma she’s only invited to the wedding because she’s managed to befriend his girlfriend.

long and short of it - Emma lives out of town and I live next to the venue. Therefore Emma wants to stay with me while she attends the wedding. But I think I’ll find this upsetting and difficult although it’s not Emma’s fault. AIBU to expect her to make alternative accommodation?

she said she might angle at if a guest can come but even still the fact they haven’t invited me still stands.

OP posts:
4wardlooking · 15/03/2026 02:04

PollyBell · 15/03/2026 02:02

Op are you getting therapy your thinking is not normal and no I cant say I have read anything into the way other people look at me without communicating with people like an adult

Edited
Show quote history

Are you reading something different to me?

AnnieLummox · 15/03/2026 02:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ilovesooty · 15/03/2026 02:04

PollyBell · 15/03/2026 02:02

Op are you getting therapy your thinking is not normal and no I cant say I have read anything into the way other people look at me without communicating with people like an adult

Edited
Show quote history

Why on earth would she need therapy? Of course it's normal to feel hurt when a friend drops you.

TheTattooedLady · 15/03/2026 02:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Punctuation is generally not her strong point on any thread.

Katflapkit · 15/03/2026 02:10

You are very defensive about about what happened after he met the girlfriend. Understandably, it was hurtful but right now the bitterness you are holding onto is not good. It's like that old adage about drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. He is former friend, let it go.

Do you enjoy seeing Emma? Would it be good to spend some time together? Then let her stay.

Nearly50omg · 15/03/2026 02:12

ScullyD · 15/03/2026 01:58

There is absolutely no way I would lose Emma’s friendship over this. Just a mental suggestion. She knows I’m hurt about this.

Then Emma is not your friend she’s just using you for free B&B!!

Starlight7080 · 15/03/2026 02:15

If he really wanted to be your friend he would. You need to move on and not let this bother you so much . We all have people we thought we were very close to in the past . Who we now never see . Its just normal.
Maybe he didnt see you as such a close friend.
Plus weddings are boring I dont get why you care so much . You sound like hard work in general .

ThePerfectWeekender · 15/03/2026 02:21

So it's been five years since you've been active socially together and you really expected an invite to the wedding? especially when his GF doesn't like know you.
I doubt they care where your mutual friend is staying or that it would be an issue after all these years.

PollyBell · 15/03/2026 02:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aw bless

AnnieLummox · 15/03/2026 02:22

PollyBell · 15/03/2026 02:22

Aw bless

Show quote history

I see you still haven’t learned.

TheTattooedLady · 15/03/2026 02:25

She’s not wrong though, @PollyBell

Friendlygingercat · 15/03/2026 02:37

I would just turn up at the evening session when they have the disco - just for the sheer hell of it and to see their faces. They can scarcely say andything in front of the other guests. Turned up before at places I knew I wasnt invited nad no one said a dicky bird.

ThePerfectWeekender · 15/03/2026 02:40

Friendlygingercat · 15/03/2026 02:37

I would just turn up at the evening session when they have the disco - just for the sheer hell of it and to see their faces. They can scarcely say andything in front of the other guests. Turned up before at places I knew I wasnt invited nad no one said a dicky bird.

This is psychotic! You're talking about someone's wedding.

ilovesooty · 15/03/2026 02:42

Friendlygingercat · 15/03/2026 02:37

I would just turn up at the evening session when they have the disco - just for the sheer hell of it and to see their faces. They can scarcely say andything in front of the other guests. Turned up before at places I knew I wasnt invited nad no one said a dicky bird.

I wouldn't even think of doing something like that. It's weird. In any case it doesn't address the OP's situation.

SomethingUniqueThisTime · 15/03/2026 02:42

I don’t quite understand what the issue is? Emma is now friends with both of the couple - they meet up and socialise.
You have seen Frasier only once in the last 5 years, and that was only with Emma not his partner and you were a bit snippy with him. Why would you expect to be invited? Most wedding guests know both the bride and groom, unless random family members who live a long way.
That being said , I acknowledge it’s sad you no longer have any friendship with Frasier but that’s not Emma’s fault you didn’t try to get to know his girlfriend.
If it’s going to upset you make an excuse or go away that weekend and let Emma stay whilst you are away.

ForeverTheOptomist · 15/03/2026 02:49

I can see that you're very hurt, and I would be too in your position. It's clear that the woman in question finds you threatening and has presumably made it clear to Fraser that you are not to be in the picture.

I have an idea. Don't know if this will help. By all means have Emma to stay if you're comfortable with that, she's your friend. However, have you thought about going away for a couple of days whilst the wedding takes place? Do something really really nice, and leave Emma the keys.

Idea ...

Or, if that isn't feasible, perhaps you could do something nice with Emma the following day. Go out for a special lunch or the theatre or something ...

mumofoneAloneandwell · 15/03/2026 02:50

It sounds complicated

✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️

Monty27 · 15/03/2026 02:55

@ScullyD I'm struggling to understand why you should expect a wedding invitation from people who are practically strangers these days. Nice you're still close to Emma.
Feel safe in the knowledge you know where you stand.
Have a fun time with Emma.

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 15/03/2026 03:01

Fraser is 100% to blame for the problem with the friendship. And Emma is being a bit tactless to ask to stay with you while she attends the wedding. Most people would understand that this is a bit awkward, to say the least.

Marchitectmummy · 15/03/2026 03:10

I don't think Emma can stay with you for this, you are clearly too upset by it all. Whether her not staying will really improve things is doubtful probably the only way is for her not to go at all then you both don't know anything about the wedding.

Op the fact is regardless of your friendship with Fraser a wedding and the guests is for both of them to decide. If he wife to be foenr like or knows you he isn't going to reach out and invite you. Really he should have not invited either of you that would have been the simplest solution.

Beyond that you have to move on keep the memories and forget being friends with Fraser.

TheTattooedLady · 15/03/2026 03:13

ForeverTheOptomist · 15/03/2026 02:49

I can see that you're very hurt, and I would be too in your position. It's clear that the woman in question finds you threatening and has presumably made it clear to Fraser that you are not to be in the picture.

I have an idea. Don't know if this will help. By all means have Emma to stay if you're comfortable with that, she's your friend. However, have you thought about going away for a couple of days whilst the wedding takes place? Do something really really nice, and leave Emma the keys.

Idea ...

Or, if that isn't feasible, perhaps you could do something nice with Emma the following day. Go out for a special lunch or the theatre or something ...

Edited

Honestly, if your starting point is that a woman is somehow responsible for a man’s actions, it’s very hard to give any weight to the rest of what you say because you are biased to your core.

Why in 2026 are we still treating women as if they’re accountable for men’s behaviour, while removing responsibility from the men.

Zanatdy · 15/03/2026 03:22

If you’re so upset about it (which you clearly are, so doesn’t matter if many feel you shouldn’t, you do) then just explain to Emma that you’re upset you’re not invited and it will be difficult for you, so you’d prefer her to stay at a hotel. A shame, as an opportunity for you guys to catch up.

Ultimately, you’re not really friends with him anymore, and yes this isn’t your fault, but it still stands. You’re not friends with the bride, and again, probably not your fault, but weddings are expensive, so it’s not unusual to not invite someone you were close to 5yrs ago, but not anymore. Different with Emma as she remains closer to him, and is friends with the bride. Try not to take it personally, you can’t invite everyone you once knew, numbers are restricted and have to choose carefully who you invite.

ForFunGoose · 15/03/2026 03:51

Give Emma key and go away for the weekend .you could even go to her house, do a house swap.

You need to shift your mindset from victim mode OP it’s a long time ago. Time to move on from the dramas

nowayho · 15/03/2026 03:56

It does sounds as though his partner probably didn’t want him having any female friends, and I can see why you’re sad, however, I would let you friend stay at yours and get ready.

PolyVagalNerve · 15/03/2026 04:05

Ok, what happened hurt you
I get it
but you need to let it go
your preoccupation with this is too much -
if you can’t cope with Emma staying, tell her but run the risk of pissing her off, she’s done the leg work, put herself out there and managed to maintain a friendship with him and his wife and she’s invited
you took umbrage and didn’t maintain the friendship
horses for courses !!