Not invited to friend’s wedding dilemma

[ScullyD]

I was part of a friend group at uni 15 years ago and from that group I remain closest to my friend Emma. In particular me, Emma and Fraser were close for years and took trips together. Sometimes me and Fraser, or just me and Emma, or all 3 of us. Then when he got a gilfriend he seemed to drop us and it was very hurtful. I missed him.

i remember meeting the new gf twice and each time she looked me up and down quite nastily which I took to be feeling threatened of the platonic friendship. 5 years later he suddenly reappeared making an effort with Emma and I went for lunch with them. But crucially he has never kept in touch with as he used to and according to Emma she’s only invited to the wedding because she’s managed to befriend his girlfriend.

long and short of it - Emma lives out of town and I live next to the venue. Therefore Emma wants to stay with me while she attends the wedding. But I think I’ll find this upsetting and difficult although it’s not Emma’s fault. AIBU to expect her to make alternative accommodation?

she said she might angle at if a guest can come but even still the fact they haven’t invited me still stands.

@SlayBelle To be fair, Dave did at least have the decency to email me and apologise. For all the difference it made.

But did he actually explain WHY you'd been dropped? Becase it seems to me that this is the real problem with ghostig long-term friends/partners. They are blindsided and can't metabolise and move on because they don't understand what has happened. It's cruel. In the OP's case, I'd be astonished if Fraser's reasoning (whether sincere or otherwise) had not been discussed with Emma.

I think the OP still feels angry and hurt becasue none of her 'friends' have actually spelled out to her why she's been dropped and she is the only person from the wider group not to be invited.

Maybe the OP and Emma got dropped because it was reported back to Fraser and/or his new gf that the OP had been making mean comments about her (we have all seen the OP's comments about their two meetings) and OP and Emma got dropped as a group but it was the OP who made the comments, hence Emma eventually being offered an olive branch. Who knows? Well Fraser, and I suspect Emma, know... but no honest conversations are happening with the OP, and maybe, once the hurt has died down, OP could reflet on why that is.

Maybe Fraser can find and pay for a hotel for your friend to stay at.Sounds as though is he evening pussy whipped.

Go away for the day of wedding . And tell your friend your are busy and it's not convenient to stay with you.

Don't send them a card or buy a present..Thet are not interested in you.

Get some new friends.

😻

I would let Emma stay. If she was going to the wedding of a stranger in your town presumably you'd let her stay. She's made the effort to maintain the relationship with him by any means AND build a relationship with the bride to be - and you haven't. Yes I can understand you feeling a bit put out but put your friendship with Emma first.

I think Emma’s also in the wrong to even ask to stay with you based upon all of this.

Tell her you are away on that date, also book something and go away on that date OP. Just remove yourself from all of it.

If this were me in that situation, and emma was as close as a friend as the OP is making out, I'd see absolutely no need to lie like that.

This seems a sad post and hurtful OP. I guess friendships drift and move on but it's not nice for the person left questioning why. I don't understand your last sentence, are you hoping for Emma to angle you an invite? I think it's abit cheeky of Emma to have asked or assumed you will host her and I think it is insensitive considering the circumstances. I would just make plans to be away to distract yourself. Also, I get you in terms of how girls/women can treat eachother, judging on appearance. It's not nice, shame you didn't get off on the right foot but maybe you've dodged a bullet.