Boyfriends debt.. gutted

[ForLuckyReader]

Gutted.

Just found out about boyfriend’s (33) debt. He took out a 2 X 15K loans 5 years ago after he bought his house. The interest on them is huge. He will be paying them off for next 3 years. He has no spare £ each month due to the minimum payments, car finance and his mortgage.

My heart has sank. I am an avid saver and have worked so hard to get out of my working class background (I am a Dr now). Both parents on benefits since a young age and have sacrificed so much to get to this point to ensure I have enough £ as an adult. The poverty trauma is real.

Anyway.. I’m bloody gutted. I just know this isn’t going to work.

Honestly OP, if this is a deal breaker for you. Do it.

i have also worked very very hard and been with a man who has ruined his finances.

I put up with it and tried to help him but I am no longer putting my life on hold for him.

he can fix his own bloody mess.

life is too short to let anyone hold you back from what you want.

Agreed. Theres always 2 sides to every story..

Serviced debt is not a problem, a mortgage is a debt (a very big one) debt is only an issue if you can't afford it and are comfortable with the risk, he can and is paying it off.

To be honest he sounds far more financially savvy and capable than you.

Is it his birthday today?! He’s now 33 but was 32 yesterday lol

Yes, I was just about to comment on that. At this rate he'll have died before he's managed to pay off his debts.

Why is this not going to work?

DH and I have different ideas around money. I grew up very poor working class, he grew up middle class

Im the one who was the white collar worker, hes the tradesman

Our incomes have fluctuated back and forth over the past near on 40 years, sometimes Ive been the high earner , mostly he has. Hes the spender, Im the saver

But we work as a couple, it's JOINT . Sure when we first got together we had our own baggage which we had to sort ourselves , but as we moved in together, then got a mortgage - joint choices, joint finances

There's times I could hammer him for his easy come easy go ways and Im sure he feels the same about my " we cant afford it ways" But we have managed nearly 40 years, coming up to retirement and won't be scrabbling around to pay the bills

Maybe if you paid half his mortgage then he would have some money to play with and pay for dates. If you were renting you wouldn’t get anything as cheap as this AND if the landlord sold you wouldn’t get nothing so no difference.

Bit dramatic.

Most people in the country are in debt.

you're making it sound like you've found out something really awful about your partner 😅

No idea from what you have written.

He is in his 30’s and has a house with mortgage that it seems like he is servicing - no issue.
He has a vehicle he is paying off and seems like he is servicing this - no issue.
He must have a job to be servicing the above - win.
That just leaves the personal loans which it seems as though he is servicing and will pay off in 3 years so no real issue on the surface of it.

However, it depends on what the personal loans were for. If they were to travel while young before settling down, or for home reno’s, or unexpected expenses such as old electrics packing it in and having to be redone, then it’s no issue at all.
If it was to fund a gambling addiction, or for 1000 video games then I’d worry this may be a constant thing in the future, and I’d find that a dealbreaker.

His spending style will just have you on it the whole time. Split up but tell him if he’s still single in three years time to call you.

This totally depends on what the loans were for and how he feels about the debt.

I don’t understand the problem. He’s buying his home, meeting his monthly mortgage payments, and from what you've said, he’s repaying the two loans as well. Being is debt is a way of life for many people who are not privileged to be able to save each month, and I see nothing wrong in that. Apart from which, if he’s only your boyfriend, it’s none of your business if he is £5, £50,000, or £500,000 in debt.

It very much depends on if the loans were to pay off gambling debts or maintain a lavish lifestyle that’s beyond his means, or if he needed a new roof or had a new kitchen and bathroom.

You could help by paying rent...

Do you own your own property too or are you renting?@ForLuckyReader

I imagine it’s easier to have savings and be debt adverse when you pay £150 towards your “half” of bills.
Perhaps he doesn’t want to cover the whole date because he’s already subbing you on bills.

Either way breaking up with someone because they have pre existing debt in itself is quite odd. It’s not particularly uncommon for someone to take out a home improvement loan to do repairs to a house, he’s been paying it off, there’s nothing to suggest he’s a reckless spender.

It’s funny you do seem to be suggesting you’re financially better than him while only paying £150 and he’s a homeowner.

So you don’t have a property and likely have uni debt you’ll be paying off for 20+ years but you’re annoyed about waiting for 3 years, presumably so he can then pay for all meals etc.
if he’s making payments, no defaults, and paying a mortgage then well done to him. You can’t penalise someone for something they did years ago.
if he’s kind and loving then I think you need to think of how you’re approaching this.
Speaks volumes.

He not for you but personally I don’t think he’s done anything wrong
years ago when I bought my 1st house I was in debt as took loans to do work on house and furnish it nothing to do with being financially irresponsible just did what I needed to do to get myself established
A couple of financially tight years as a means to an end

First and foremost - congratulations on working hard to qualify as a doctor; secondly it’s perfectly ok for this to be a dealbreaker.

You’re young and you will have plenty of other options.

If you’re working in a hospital setting there should be a reasonable supply of male medics.

Having read both your threads about your situation, I think you are the red flag here.

If you are unhappy, just leave, and good luck finding somewhere else to live for £350 a month!

So he took personal loans after he bought a home like roof leaking kind? My debt is infertility and crumbling property also paid in 3 years and I overpay. If his credit score is good, he doesn't have a problem, you do.

Wtf!!!!!

if you paid him some rent then perhaps the debt would shift a bit quicker!!!!! If you gave him some money a month out of your doctors salary, which will be hefty then he’ll hey there quicker
I had no idea about the other thread but this screams selfish and grabby!!!!!!!

so he’s keeping you and you’re moaning!!!!!

I'm afraid this and other thread smacks of journo trawling for a story. Don't waste your posting

lol come back to the thread if and when you own a home, you’re judging him for taking out a loan to I’m assuming do some home improvements on his house which plenty of us do. Get a life and grow up. Dump him and let him find someone who actually understands life. It’s all well and good preaching about being a doctor and poverty but you don’t own your own house he does.

Either that or someone had a few vinos and was bored last night,

None of it adds up