AIBU? Costings and date nights

[ForLuckyReader]

I’ll stick to the facts.
— I (28) have been living with DP (32) for about 8 months now. He owns the home via mortgage which he has had for 5 years.
— I pay half of bills which is £150 per month — I pay half of food shop which is £200 a month - 70% of which is food for DP.

DP never offers to pay for a date night, ever. It’s always split on Monzo - everything from coffee to a meal. I want to be taken out once in a while. It gives me the ick.

AIBU

So you are happy for him to pay but you dont want too?

Do you pay anything towards the mortgage?

Your expenses are £350 a month? How much is his mortgage a month?

No!

That’s obviously not including other expenses I have. There are multiple others.

His mortgage is £550 per month.

Once every so often.. yes! I pay my share of everything, always, when we go out etc. I don’t think it’s unreasonable in the slightest to expect a date night on him every once in a while.. surely? Or is it?

Given that he is housing you for free do you ever take him out and pay the full bill??

How often do you treat him to a night out as opposed to paying your half?

Before you moved in with DP 8 months ago, where were you living and how much rent did you pay?

The whole "date night" thing is just twee bollocks.

Do you take him out?

As i understand you are complaining about date night, the costs of date night is split

If you pay sometimes for both and he only splits yes not fair

But it seems he has to pay all his mortgage and you only split normal bills he still pays more overall but no idea why you would live with him just date if money is your issue

Is this really the life you want ? 8 months into living together and you’re already bean counting. What’s the long term plan ? Doesn’t look like much of a partnership from here, more like housemates that are sleeping together.

He doesn’t even buy you a drink?

Never!! Or if he does.. I get a monzo request for half

He is in debt what do you expect

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5503704-boyfriends-debt-gutted

It sounds like you have a really good deal with regards to living arrangements: not paying for rent or mortgage. You must be able to save loads.

Always splitting 50% rather than treating each other does seem rather mean though.

I honestly couldn’t live like that! So weird.

So why on earth live with him still

So move out and go pay rent somewhere.

In what world is half of the bills £150 a month? I didn’t pay so little 20yrs ago in my little 1 bed flat! I think need to move to wherever you live.. council tax, gas, electric, water, internet, insurance etc… is at least £700 a month in our house.
you are on easy street OP

He sounds really stingy tbh. I’m not attracted to penny pinchers.
You might be happier not living together, and getting a sense of what he’s like then.
If you have the time for it. Personally a monzo request for the cost of a drink would be a firm Fuck Off from me & I’d find someone less stingy.

Posts like this are so fucking depressing. One hundred or so years of progress towards female emancipation, and we still have women who think it’s a man’s job to “take them out”.

No one takes me out. If DH and I go out together we either split it or he gets it one time and I get it the next.

The only exception to that would be a birthday when the meal is part of the gift.

That said, counting the pennies is a little bit much.

Its all ok he is housing her

He’s paying off debts, you only give him £250 a month in total for everything, you calculate that he eats more food than you, and you’re accusing HIM of being tight?

If you were a man everyone would call you a cocklodger. He’s already massively subsidising you by charging you zero rent, so no, he shouldn’t be paying to ‘take you out’.

You’re a grown woman with a job - a doctor, according to your other post - not simpering sugar baby. Get a grip.

If he was a penny pincher he wouldn’t be housing her for free. She’s living in his house and he’s paying the entirety of the mortgage.