Boyfriends debt.. gutted

[ForLuckyReader]

Gutted.

Just found out about boyfriend’s (33) debt. He took out a 2 X 15K loans 5 years ago after he bought his house. The interest on them is huge. He will be paying them off for next 3 years. He has no spare £ each month due to the minimum payments, car finance and his mortgage.

My heart has sank. I am an avid saver and have worked so hard to get out of my working class background (I am a Dr now). Both parents on benefits since a young age and have sacrificed so much to get to this point to ensure I have enough £ as an adult. The poverty trauma is real.

Anyway.. I’m bloody gutted. I just know this isn’t going to work.

I guess it depends on his attitude now. I got myself trapped in a debt loop when I then met my now DH 20 years ago. He loaned me some to clear it, which I paid back, and I've never been in debt again since. I think him showing that though he disapproved he would help me to change, it gave me the push to sort things out.

I've been doing that regularly for a while now, to be fair.

Depends what the loans were for surely?

I ended up married to someone like this OP. Run, run now while you still can. He won't ever change and ignore the other posters saying its not a big deal.

Do you think the OP’s freeloading nature will change?

It depends what life stage you are at. I am now a high earner - but took on a biggish mortgage and a car loan in my twenties. Didn’t save as much as I probably should have - but it got me on in the property ladder 24. Yrs I had a lot less disposable income than my peers and a lot more debt - but I am very glad I did it.

i bought my big dream home five years ago. Took out a big loan and did an awesome renovation. Have less exotic holidays than my colleagues / and drive a much older car - but I am connectable with the level of debt (and to be fair I now have a good savings cushion and a very healthy pension pot).

debt isn’t always bad - it has to be manageable and that will mean different things to different people

If she leave him she has to be independent.

My ex H made my life a misery with his incessant debt. Its such a relief now he's gone. Dont waste your life on people like this.

We don’t know his debt is a problem. If they were loans for renovations to a new house for example and of his earnings are increasing it might be okay.

Do you have zero tolerance to debt now?

He took out loans for a home. A completely normal thing. He's the one who should run from this gold digger

Yes. Ive been really careful with my money I cant have someone else messing up my future.

So you would expect someone to be mortgage free? (Not judging, just genuinely curious). Or do you have a good debt / bad debt mindset?

It's whether debt is affordable with some "headroom". From what the OP says, he has no spare money after making the repayments.

It's also the sense (or not) of taking out high interest loans, which the OP says are the two additional loans, which is basically just chucking money away.

Also, what were the two extra loans actually for? If he was caught out unexpectedly needing a new roof or boiler, or similar, then fair enough if there was no choice, but if they were for unnecessary things, holiday, to repay other debts, hobbies, etc., that's a different matter altogether.

Not to mention the car finance. Was it for a "normal" kind of utility car or did he splash out on something extravagant that he didn't need just to look like a Billy Big Balls?

I agree.

I think its also worth noting that while the OP lives rent free and her share of bills is extremely low, she also has a significant amount of student debt (per another thread others have linked). So really it's more a case of did he spend £15k on electrical work or a new kitchen etc for the house or did he just spend it on a gambling addiction?

If it's the former, and the OP is living rent free in said house whilst saving money and having some forms of debt herself, I think its a cruel attitude. Presumably he had to have been able to save money in the first place to afford the down payment so he cant be that bad.

i agree. This is very different to a zero tolerance of debt.

unless people have significant family wealth, most will require a mortgage. Going to university now usually involves debt.

A zero tolerance to debt could limit educational options and mean alway being in rented accommodation.

Hmmm. Op, his net asset base might still be substantially better than yours if you don’t own a home? Do you pay rental fairly to him or do you save off the back of his assets?

OP has said she doesn't pay any rent. She pays £350 a month toward food and all bills (which I think we can all safely say wouldn't equate to half).

No a mortgage is fine Im talking about random careless lifestyle debt.

We don't know what type of debt the OPs partner has tbf. The loans he took out might have been to rewire the electrics in the house or for a fitted kitchen, or equally to go on a lavish holiday. We don't know.

I just find it disgusting that the OP is sponging off him and complaining about his finances. She also has a significant student debt herself.

In which case what the fuck is she whining about? Try standing on your own two feet financially op before you moan about the financial stability of the man who’s propping you up. I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t financially solid but I’ve also never lived off anyone and not paid my way since I left my parents house.