AIBU? Costings and date nights

[ForLuckyReader]

I’ll stick to the facts.
— I (28) have been living with DP (32) for about 8 months now. He owns the home via mortgage which he has had for 5 years.
— I pay half of bills which is £150 per month — I pay half of food shop which is £200 a month - 70% of which is food for DP.

DP never offers to pay for a date night, ever. It’s always split on Monzo - everything from coffee to a meal. I want to be taken out once in a while. It gives me the ick.

AIBU

OP pays £150 a month for her contribution to all housing expenses, she has a high doctors salary and the boyfriend is the one who is mean with money??

How on earth can he be tight when he’s financially subsidising the OP.

...

😂😂😂😂😂

He doesn’t but she does
pays no rent or mortgage. Only 150 towards bills and still moans she has to pay half when they go out.

While you are living here you can save loads towards a deposit on your own place op! Sounds like you’ve got a good deal. If you think he’s tight, then he’s not the one, doubt he will change. What’s stopping you moving on?

@ForLuckyReader when DH and I met, he was on his uppers, literally cardboard in his shoes, renting a room in a minging house, contemplating changing careers because he didn't have the parental backing to survive above subsistence until the fees started coming in.

In had my own house admittedly no debts. He stayed there until wengot married, although he kept the minging flat on for two years. He contributed towards food and bills , not the mortgage because it was my house.

His finances got better after 6-8 months. He always says he'd have thrown the towel in had it not been for me.

Good job I didn't get the ick. Within a few years, in the 90s, he was earning £300k pa and it only got better.

It might be lacking in grace to split every expense down the middle when you are out for a meal/drink but that just suggests you should take it in turns to treat each other, not that he should pay for date nights. Expecting him to pay - especially when you are a doctor and living rent-free in his house - is poor form, and clearly stems from some outdated ideas of gender roles.

You aren't married.
He has substantial debts.
You've lived together in his house for 5 minutes. It's not a joint tenancy , you are not financially committed in any way.
You are a doctor
You are young.
You have a million choices.
Why are you passively living in this life? Make a list of the bits that make this the future you want/ don't want and then make a decision, stay or go. Stop faffing around and stop whingeing .

He’s skint and on the bones of his arse with nothing left over. How do you think he should magic up money?

Yeah I dont get this either. I live alone and my bills are just short of £1000 a month. My mortgage is less than his.

I also think rent should be paid, even if a token amount. If renting you would be paying landlords mortgage

Maybe the OP as the only newly qualified doctor in history to have no student loans or debts should start paying a fair share of their living expenses rather than less than a teenager on minimum wage,

Or maybe both of her threads are absolute made up nonsense - who knows 😘

I'm afraid this and other thread smacks of journo trawling for a story. Don't waste your posting

Get a joint account for expenses like this. Saves all the stress.
Also, given you live in his home rent free I think be is being generous already.

And the band played believe it if you like….

This. I couldn't live like that (I'm single and will stay single if that's the alternative)

I'm going with the 'made up' option.

What's the female equivalent of a cocklodger?

Yep. I’m leaning towards someone had a few vinos and was bored last night

Fanny freeloader?

🤣🤣

If you had a friend who owned a property with a mortgage, and you moved in with them as a housemate, do you think you wouldn’t have to pay rent to them because ‘it’s their house’ and you won’t profit from its sale?

This is no different. Just because he’s your boyfriend, he is still effectively your landlord and you should be paying your way.

Gosh some of these comments.

I of course have student debt. A lot of it.

I didn’t take out 2 x bank loans, though, to what sounds like piss up the wall / gamble etc.

And yes I am a Dr and wow.. the only doctor you know without their own house?! How privileged of those you do know.

I am from a very low class background and am only now in the position to save for first time in my life, but always has that mentality of.. never go above your means. That’s the issue here. The difference in attitudes around it.

Perhaps some recognition that your £150 for “bills” is the reason you can save for the first time?

What do you prefer- living somewhere else and paying what you pay now plus rent and be treated a couple of times a month? Or stay where you are? Only you know the answer.

Normally you’d pay rent, and you aren’t doing. So you’ve already been subsidised a lot by him.

I’d treat my boyfriend on his birthday for a meal out, and vice versa (before we were married!). Other evenings out we’d split. We’d do nice things for each other all the time and make sure we each felt appreciated, but not necessarily by paying flr
dates out.