AIBU? Costings and date nights

[ForLuckyReader]

I’ll stick to the facts.
— I (28) have been living with DP (32) for about 8 months now. He owns the home via mortgage which he has had for 5 years.
— I pay half of bills which is £150 per month — I pay half of food shop which is £200 a month - 70% of which is food for DP.

DP never offers to pay for a date night, ever. It’s always split on Monzo - everything from coffee to a meal. I want to be taken out once in a while. It gives me the ick.

AIBU

Yes.. he pays all of his mortgage because.. it’s his house?! Just like when he sells, all the equity will be his and his only. I don’t own a home

You pay £350 a month for food, bills, rent?!?! That seems like a pretty good deal to me. I think you should be paying to take him out.

No but you can pay rent to him

And you get to live for free instead of paying rent, which is what you should be doing. Yet you still want him to pay for dates? Because you don’t want to split 50/50 because… he has a penis. And you’re a delicate little flower.

And by you paying him some rent for living in his house, he’ll have some disposable income left over each month after paying his mortgage and debts that he can potentially use to treat you to a date night….on him!!

Anyone else hearing those Billy goats coming over the bridge?

Sounds like you have a very good deal here. Just rent or buy a place of your own if you're not happy. Or do what some other folk do. Find a rich man. Seem to be plenty around according to a lot of threads on here recently.

You're the only doctor I know who doesn't own a home.

And who has come out of university and medical training with no debts or loans plus having savings

Hmmm so where else do you think you can live for food, bills and rent for £350?

im sorry I tried not to rise to the post and failed

I find it mad you guys only spend £400 a month on food and that you thinks only £120 of that is stuff you eat. Are you both super sensible? Also bills of only £300 is amazing - our water is £100 alone (South West Water), council tax £140ish - then we have electricity, gas, car etc… My partner eats far more than me but I might throw expensive berries, nuts and yoghurts into the shopping so it wouldn’t be 70:30.

Your partner does however sound like a miser! I couldn't live like that! Do you treat him ever or are you also a miser? Splitting is sensible for some stuff but we all want to treat and be treated - make someone feel special and feel special in return. I couldn’t be with someone who counts things down to the penny. Life is too short and money is an artificial construct which makes life easier but becomes meaningless if you don’t use it to live!

You take him out and tell him he can get the next one?

If you take it in turns its no different to paying half anyway lol

Well done on qualifying as a Doctor… do you think you have all the necessary attributes to make a good one? If my partner was living rent free in my house and creating threads online to complain about me they’d be out on their ear. ( because you know what … it gives me the ick )

Look. You need to grow up. Provide for yourself, sort your own rent and bills, and food and that. Then date someone on a more equal footing, where they're not directly subsidising you. Then maybe it will be more reasonable to expect they take you out. By the way, even then it's acceptable that you reciprocate every now and again. It's not the 18th century you know.

Jeez.

@ForLuckyReader how long have you been with your partner for? I assume much longer than the 8 months you’ve moved in together ? What was the situation before - did he splash the cash On dates? And if so could it be that was because he was hiding the debt and didn’t feel he could be honest with you?.

He has either alway been a bit of a penny pincher in which case if you really hate it that much - leave, OR given your other thread states he has approx 30k of debt with high interest you’ve just found out about it, SURELY this is him just adjusting his lifestyle to not get himself in more debt? It would be a lot easier for him to charge you rent - or get another lodger who would pay rent to he’ll make inroads with the debt which he hasn’t done. It could also be that there is more hidden debt you don’t know of. Has he been fully transparent with all financials? Has he got a clear plan to pay off the debt?

the Monzo request would annoy me- I would just split the bill there and then but otherwise, it seems incongruous that you say on the other thread you’re shocked and worried about the debt / have poverty trauma, worried and on this one you’ve got the ick because he won’t treat you once in a while. If you grew up very working class as you stated in other thread can’t you see the benefits of being very strict with money so as to free him from the debt now - you can then have as many treats as he wishes once he’s financially solvent ?

Personally as part of a team/ relationship I would be far more worried about the debt and the fact he hid this than, not being treated on date nights but each to their own

@ForLuckyReader Yes.. he pays all of his mortgage because.. it’s his house?! Just like when he sells, all the equity will be his and his only. I don’t own a home

But if you were not living there, you would be paying rent to house yourself. So, you should be paying 50% market rent to him for the roof over your head, irrespective of ownership. If not living there, would you be telling a landlord that you refuse to pay rent, as it’s their house and when they sell the equity will be theirs alone! Good luck with that! Currently, you are the female version of a cocklodger. Houses for free and complaining he doesn’t pay your share on date nights 😞.

If you feel hard done by, make an arrangement to only pay 30% of the food bill if that’s all you eat, which is not unreasonable, but I really doubt the 20% you save will go close to covering what you should for having a roof over your head. Apart from that, fix the brass neck.

this would send me running for the hills tbh

He doesn’t charge you rent? £350 for all your bills including food is a pretty sweet deal. My student DD pays £500 plus bills and food a month for a shithole flat in a dodgy part of town. It sounds like he feels you’re taking the piss a bit, and you should be treating him.

You must be paying a lot less per month than you were before though?!

Whats going on with his debts?

Start paying him rent then or go live somewhere else and pay rent. You live there for free, you should be paying for date night.

Your other thread says you're a doctor OP. 🤣 Probs need to work a bit harder at your story writing.

You don’t pay a lot at all. But the monzo request would make my fanny dryer than the Sahara

Her freeloading off him while being a high earner should be sending him for the hills too!

You've stated in another post he's in debt. Your living costs are incredibly low. It's not the dark ages. Grow up.