How many kids is too many???

[applesandbananas1]

More and more I see families have 3+ kids and it blows my mind… in this day and age I cannot fathom navigating parenting of more than 2 kids… it only gets harder as they grow up and I think loads fall into the trap of adding to their family while the older kids are still very young and the challenges of a 21st century childhood are less noticeable.

Two is enough for me. I can’t imagine affording more. I know someone with 12 though!

Its not a number imo. (Well, maybe once you get into double digits)

too many kids is when you have more than you can afford, more than you can care for, more than you can find time for, that sort of thing.

"Too many" is subjective, really. I've seen people with 1-2 who parent in a way that suggests zero children would have been a better fit for them, I've also seen parents of 3-4 absolutely smashing it.

It's an issue where it's best to just mind your own business and look to your own choices rather than judging others.

I have 3 and think it’s completely fine.

id quite like 4 but won’t

I have 3 but anymore wouldn’t really be ideal - financially and practically

nobody has to share a room and they all get on so even if I was younger I wouldn’t throw a 4th into the mix

it’s interesting tho as a lot of my kids friends are only children!

People have different expectations I think. I have quite high expectations in terms of what I want to provide for my children in terms of time and money, the quality of lifestyle I want them to have, how much time I was to give to them individually as well as a family. These are things I value for them more than additional siblings, and I prioritise what I want for them more than what I want for myself (ie if I wanted more children) so 2 was my limit for our circumstances.

I do think people underestimate the amount of parenting teenagers need, or benefit from, but then some are happier to be hands off also.

When you have more kids than bedrooms for them.

I think it largely depends on the whole set up, the jobs, family support, finances etc.

We have 2 young children and I can genuinely say that although part of me would have loved a bigger family I really don’t have anything left to give, I don’t feel like I could spread myself any thinner without letting someone down, so we will be stopping at 2. For me personally I know I simply don’t have the time available to be the same mum to any other children as I am to the 2 I have, plus the lifestyle we are able to give our 2 current children wouldn’t be possible if we had 3 or 4.

I can see where if you were earning big big money, had a proper village to raise your children with etc though then 2+ wouldn’t seem impossible.

I think 1-2 is ideal if someone wants DC.

I have 3 and definitely no more!

We have three. It’s been fabulous for us. The third is the one that gets on with everyone. Youngest is 17, raising them has not been cheap but very definitely worth having all
of them.

So you don't want three kids - what's that got to do with whether anyone else wants three or more?

I know people who have had 1 and that's roo many for them, and people who have had 6+ and they seem to be doing fantastic.

It's entirely dependent in the parents, family support, and the kids so there's no 'right' answer.

I guess some people like it.

I'm one of 6, and childhood was no fun because my dps did not have enough space or enough money to support us. I don't know what possessed them.

But where there is enough money and resource, I suppose it could be OK.

No idea what you're talking about, since you don't explain "the challenges of a 21st century childhood" are...

More than 2 can be too many for you and that's fine, but it's odd to make a blanket statement about it being "too many" in general. Particularly when you haven't actually experienced it.

I'm a tiny bit envious of families with three kids but we stopped at two because my body couldn't get on with pregnancy and birth, it really struggled.

I did teach some of a family of five boys, and their mum as a colleague of mine and they just seemed like the happiest, most sunshiney family ever. The sons were all both academic, sporty, popular and well behaved. They all went to the same private school. They seemed so "easy"... all the mum ever jokingly complained about was how much food they ate.

But I think it's probably unicorn-level rare for it to be easy to raise five kids! I'd say that's a cut off point and six is definitely too many. I have a set of six adult siblings in my extended family and they feud all the time.

How long is a piece of string?
It does make me mad when I read threads like the current one on AIBU with a mum of three who can’t manage getting the eldest to school each day so doesn’t bother some days. If you can’t meet their basic needs you definitely have too many.

Do you really see more and more families with 3+ kids? The birth rate is dropping through the floor.

My great grandparents were one of 13 and one of 17 respectively. All the more remarkable when you consider they lived in two up two down terraced houses.

My biggest regret is not starting a family sooner. I had one, and would’ve liked at least three. The only blocker on that would’ve been financial.

I have 3 and I think that’s enough. Adding a 4th means new car etc. We have the money for more but my hands are already full. I guess too many kids is when you a) don’t have the space for them to have their own rooms and b) when you can’t afford to live without extra help from benefits

One is sufficient for me. Only the very rich or the very poor can afford to have families of three plus children.

I don't really agree with burdening older children with the task of looking after younger ones too much so the amount the parents can look after.
I was gob smacked and shocked when the news had a young career on tv who does the heavy lifting wirh her non verbal severely autistic brother and the mum has another few kids and a young baby !!

How utterly selfish !!
I couldn't believe it

I can see the desire for a third or fourth. After that I don’t think I’d be giving them my best. But a big family with lots of laughter appeals.

I’ll stick to two though. More affordable.

I don't want to be a dick but the type that usually start this conversation/debate are those that can barely cope with what they've got and definitely no more and just want to justify themselves/put others down...it's deathly dull tbh. Faux horror at more than two kids because my standards are high/people haven't thought it through/I'm not sure how you'd give enough attention 🤔😇🙄🙄🙄🥱

I have 3 by the way...nothing extreme and very very happy with our lot. Find the evangelist- only 2 kids or less people- absolutely embarrassing though.

Yes the birth rate is plummeting. And statistics show it's actually not that more women are staying child free (which remains steady at just under 20% IIRC) but that more families are sticking with 1.

Families with a single child used to be slightly unusual and people would even comment on it but now every class has several

It depends on what makes you happy. I think it’s madness for anyone to have more than one child. A friend who had a second often tells me she should have stopped at one. Most of my friends have none or one.

I agree with a pp - I think in this day and age anyone with 3+ children must be very wealthy or very poor.