How many kids is too many???

[applesandbananas1]

More and more I see families have 3+ kids and it blows my mind… in this day and age I cannot fathom navigating parenting of more than 2 kids… it only gets harder as they grow up and I think loads fall into the trap of adding to their family while the older kids are still very young and the challenges of a 21st century childhood are less noticeable.

Iv never met anyone who in 1 of 5 or more who actually was overly happy with their upbringing.

I think it's part of a bigger picture, and maybe me being the eldest child. I'm noticing now my parents are getting older, it's me they are expecting to drop everything to care for them when the time comes. Even though I'm the one with all the responsibility at my own home and live far away. My sibling doesn't have this. So maybe less a family size thing and more that it's a role I seem to have been given very early on. These sorts of dynamics are probably more problematic than family size. I think it would have been the same if I'd had ten siblings.

One more than you can cope with is too many. I have one and two would be too many for me to cope with.

I don't understand people who have a child with different needs and then add even more children to the mix.

Apparently my lot are. But I made a lot of effort to not be how my parents were with just two of us.

My only "thing" from the get go (we wanted from a very young age - and incredibly luckily got - a large family. Larger than the vast majority of standards and certainly MN standards) was that our eldest children did not take on this role. We want DS to be free to be a child, not old before his time.

It's not uncommon for people to feel free to "advise" me not to put responsibility upon his shoulders. Ironically, the only people I've seen who do this are 2-3 child families

My mother was the eldest of twelve. She spent her teenage years looking after the younger ones. That's just too many children.

It has become so ridiculously expensive to have children now. I know someone with six, but the family is well off. My friend has four and works full time, but her husband stayed at home to mind them, and does all the domestic stuff. Her parents help out with big expenses.

I think that must be your demographic as most families i know only have 1 or 2 dc, rarely 3 +

When I was a child in the 1960s most people I knew had two or three siblings (I have three). Families with two children seemed small, rather than normal.

I’d say anything over four is a big family. Not necessarily too big, but definitely big!

one kid is definitely one too many.

I’d love a third but we lack the space and my pregnancies have always been very difficult. I always feel a pang of envy when I see families with 3 or 4 children. I imagine it’s exhausting but I’d love it. I’d consider 4 or 5 children as a large family these days. I’m so glad I had 2, my ds’ are starting to play together and love each other so much. Who knows if they will like each other in a few years time but it’s nice at the moment!

😆

@falalala In 2024, 42.3% of UK families contained dependent children, with one-child (44.3%) and two-child (40.8%) households being the most common, while families with three or more children are increasingly rare. Office for National Statistics.

A three child family may not be mini-bus territory, but it’s definitely not the norm nowadays; it’s larger than average.

I think one really needs to look at how many young adults one is prepared to support and send into the world with a decent shout at independence, not how many children one might 'want'. It depends to what extent one sees oneself as responsible for providing for one's DC as they 'age out' of childhood and need more substantial support. My DC didn't ask to be born so it's on me to ensure I give them all I possibly can to make sure they're set up comfortably.

My number of DC is determined by what I am going to be able to afford to support with education, housing and independent travel in early adulthood, in addition to the love, care, time and experiences I provide in childhood. More and more of my friends' and colleagues' DC are still living at home in their 20s and in shared houses in their 30s. I strive to ensure that my DC will be able to, should they choose to, live and travel independently and make their own money at roughly the same age that I did.

We have 2. They were both desperately wanted, I had a deep rooted urge to have children. It was as strong second time round as first time round. I've not felt it since DC2 was conceived, so the decision to have 2 has been relatively easy. DC1 is turning out to be really challenging and I feel for DC2 as a lot of our attention goes to DC1. I do wonder if DC1 would struggle less if they were an only, but their issues were not at all apparent when DC2 was conceived so not much point ruminating on it.

I have 2, 19 months apart and I love them both dearly.

If I could go back in time I'd have one or no kids at all.

I will likely get flamed for that, but as parents we were better equipped for one. And as a woman who didn't really want kids I know I'd have been OK with none.

Both my kids are very well cared for and loved.

There’s no flaming from me. It’s actually not uncommon to feel like that.

We have 4 under 6 when the last one arrived. I am very content with that.

it’s mad, busy, fun. I think we are a fab parenting team and the children all get lots of attention. EC activities are limited so as we don’t burn out and they have their own room which they wouldn’t if we had another.

wouldn’t change a thing and they are so fun to watch maturing and developing their own personalities

I have 4 but they are well spaced out. Oldest is 24, youngest is 6.

I have 3, but had DS1 in my teens, and wanted 2 closer in age so had 3. I wouldn’t have had 3 little ones though.

Two people I know with 4 kids, look permanently exhausted, wrecked and just done with life. No thank you. Sounds like he’ll. 2 is enough for me

You can’t undo it now but it’s not two kids, it’s the spacing.
Often 2 under 2 is held up as a bizzare parenting achievement this days, it’s almost a status symbol for some people. However actually then natural age gap historically between siblings was more like 4 yesterday.
I don’t think 2 babies of such similar age was the general plan by nature for humans, which is why breastfeeding typically controls fertility!

2 max. One is good as the world population is so vast, the future of the planet is screwed and resources can't support what we do have.

See I think I could be persuaded to have a third and final, however I’m 40 this year and my partner is definitely two and done so I won’t have another. I’m very lucky to have the two I’ve got so they’re enough for me!

I know a couple that had 6 kids when they were quite young . All seemed happy clean & tidy & thrived at school . The couple had a mortgage , car and they went on holidays so lived a normal average life .
A couple of the oldest ones now have children themselves so the couple are grandparents in their early 40s .

Mine are 4.5 years apart and it’s an amazing age gap. They love each other so much. So glad I didn’t have them close together. I’ve always wondered why people have them so close together. Probably convenient as they like similar things at the same time but the first is still a baby when the second is born. Sounds horrible. My youngest is 17 months and I couldn’t imagine having another a couple of months later