How many kids is too many???

[applesandbananas1]

More and more I see families have 3+ kids and it blows my mind… in this day and age I cannot fathom navigating parenting of more than 2 kids… it only gets harder as they grow up and I think loads fall into the trap of adding to their family while the older kids are still very young and the challenges of a 21st century childhood are less noticeable.

I come from a large family. I have absolutely no regrets. Just love being part of a big family now l am older. We didn't have our own rooms but that genuinely was never an issue. My dps were very hands on and we were never expected to mind little ones. But it was a different time. We had 3 and my pregnancies were extremely difficult so thrilled to have those.

See, this colleague probably could have walked into her child’s school and got a secondhand school jumper for cheap, possibly even free.

This kind of selfish mentality isn’t to do with the number of children. if she had just two, it’d be the same thing, can’t afford to buy the children essentials🤦‍♀️😕

I disagree with you there. That’s like saying financial issues are the same regardless of how many children you have. Or that a child with SEN will have the same impact on a family regardless of the number of children you have.

That all sounds magical!

Ever thought you should quit while you’re ahead?

She's got one sibling. I am the eldest of 5. She's openly criticised other mums with 3/4 for looking tired or not happy or stressed.

I'm one of two and never been taken to buy shoes individually. They either turned up when my mother found a good pair at a charity shop, or me and my sibling were taken to buy school shoes together. Typically we only had one or two pairs over and above our school shoes. I didn't know I'd missed out because of this.

On the other hand, my collection of children got all new shoes when they needed them, so I guess they did get individually taken out for that sort of thing when needed.

I'm sorry if that was your experience with a larger family but I can't relate to your description of it at all.

@applesandbananas1 how many dc do you have?

I'm not really sure what the answer is meant to be to this question as it is obviously not a number!

I do know a single mum of 13 though, who is absolutely smashing it professionally. I can only suspect she does not need sleep.

How large you want your family to be is one of the last remaining choices we have which is literally nobody else's business than those directly involved. Where we live on the West coast of Ireland 5 children is perfectly normal and families thrive. But we don't spend our working lives commuting into cities or traveling in 'leadership roles' to earn money to pay for over priced housing and schooling. It's what you want your life to be and what value you place on a larger family or not. But it's a personal choice. Mo family is too large if that's what you want.

I have 4 but my oldest is 20, youngest 1 so at least my oldest can do a lot for himself (although he doesn't drive)

I’m not asking you to agree with me. It’s a fact which is increasingly obvious with every post you make.

I have two girls

I think the number of kids really depends on the people having the kids. I have 2 I can afford at least 1 more I would cope with more but I nearly died in my last pregancy and I refuse to put the children I already have at risk of loosing their mum because I would like more. I have seen people who have more than they cope with or afford and to me that is selfish. But if you can afford it and be present for each of the children then why not? Its not my womb so its really none of my business

So that why your magic number is 2. Because you stopped at 2 everyone should, got it.

I’ve 3. I knew it was my absolute limit and never for a moment considered more

I know two families with 10 kids each!
Probably best if I don't say how I know them!

I guess I am reflecting on how parenting has been so far and the first 5 years for both my girls were easy and not challenging. But the later 5 years have been increasingly challenging due to academic pressures, juggling their hobbies and friendships, navigating social media. If I had been tempted to have more children I think the early years would have swayed my decision. I’m wondering if people consider that when they want more children - as we absolutely cannot see into the future and know what challenges lie ahead. Surely it’s safer to stick to a smaller family?

So judgemental.

Im one of 4, my husband is one of 8.

We have 4 together, he also has 2 from his first marriage.

It is nobody else’s business.

More and more I see families have 3+ kids and it blows my mind

Where do you live? Have you seen birth rates?!

To add, ours are all adults now. We navigated the teen years with 4 teens ( our 4 were born in 6 years). There were hard times, fun times, stressful times, hilarious times, worrying times, celebratory times etc etc.

I have 3 - planned 2 but had twins. I think it’s too many for most and no idea how most afford it. Dh and I earn well (not mn salaries but above average). It’s expensive. 2 ski trips (obviously optional but something we’ve saved up for them). 2 would mean we’d have lots more money… but less laughter.

I have 4 kids but they’re older (11-18) The people who tell me they can’t imagine having that many look really shocked, seem to have very calm/ quiet lives and live in a way I can’t imagine myself. Just in bed now after a board game night as we have most Saturday nights and I wouldn’t trade my life with anyone!

I do get that it’s a lot lot lot more expensive to have children now though and we’re lucky we’ve owned a long time

I have no doubt she can pick up a second hand jumper!

My concern is that if she's struggling to find a spare twenty quid now, how exactly is she going to raise four children to adulthood? You can't pick up school trips, driving lessons, and university fees off the PTA second hand table!

The world runs on money, unfortunately, not unconditional love for your kids.

Just for the record - some of the posts here about bigger families are lovely. I can appreciate the benefits of a bigger family.

What you’re reflecting on is your children and your own experience. That situation is obviously unique to your family and cannot be used to make judgments about how many children other people should have.

I had the complete opposite experience to you. I found the first three years extremely challenging. Now in their teenage years they really are a joy to be around.