How many kids is too many???

[applesandbananas1]

More and more I see families have 3+ kids and it blows my mind… in this day and age I cannot fathom navigating parenting of more than 2 kids… it only gets harder as they grow up and I think loads fall into the trap of adding to their family while the older kids are still very young and the challenges of a 21st century childhood are less noticeable.

It’s about having no individual relationship with a parent.

And you’re reflecting on your experience. It’s allowed.

We had them close together - worked well for us and they are all late teens early 20s seem happy and well adjusted and close.

I'm glad we didn't listen to advice to have none to wait or just have one - been best thing we did - hardest thing but the best.

Eldest is 20 and still people on here tell me to wait for her life to derail and challenges of parenting to emerge - just you wait - there have been challenges but nothing insurmountable they all so far seem to be on track.

I would have loved to have had more than 2. Finances weren’t the reason but now in this economic climate it was probably for the best.

My dad was 1 of the 7 & they are very close.

Yes I am. But I’m not reflecting on my experience and then stating that because of my experience other people should do the same as me.

three or more is too many

Nooooo no no I have never said others should do the same. I’ve wanted to explore the reasons behind bigger families in this day and age whilst outlining my thoughts on it.

Two feels right for us. With the economic challenges facing this generation really glad we not spread even thinner.

Sharing a room isn't always a bad thing.
My girls love it.

That's a failure on the part of the parent then, not due to the size of the family. I have more than two and a very individual relationship with each and every one of them. I suppose some parents might view and approach their kids as a collective. I always saw them as individuals.

Surely it’s safer to stick to a smaller family?

Surely safe would be none at all?

We've had unexpected things happen but we did get through - more money and support would have made it easier to do but we still go through and kids weren't adversly affected.

I hvae to say seeing two as the ideal always stikes me as very odd because in DH and my family there were lots of two kids families in generation above and they have the worst sibling dynamic.

Again, nothing wrong with kids sharing bedrooms, at least til they become teens anyway.It's a very modern thing that this is seen as an 'issue' or reason not to have more kids.
My daughters love their bunk bed and sleeping in the same room together.

I had a bigger family because I was one of two. That might reflect more failure on my parents' parts though.

I think too many children is different for every family, like PP’s have said, however I know it’s too many when the older children are forced to parent their siblings. I have seen it pretty often and it’s a very unhealthy dynamic.

That’s my point. If you have the energy and health to do that, that’s great. If you are wanting more dc because you always wanted that, or like people needing you, it’s awful for those dc.

I'm 1 of 8 and grew up in a 3 bed council house. It was sometimes A LOT but honestly wouldn't change it for the world. It was soooo much fun and I feel like my world was full of laughter and love.

That's a parental choice though. I'm only 2.5 years older than my sister but had a lot of responsibility for her. There's nothing wrong with siblings helping siblings to some extent, it's when it becomes an obligation or gets in the way of their own lives it's a problem. If you have kids, parent them yourselves.

It’s a very valid point that the “right” number of children will change depending on the family set up etc

I know three families who had three children and decided to have one more, making four.
However, Mother Nature had other ideas and seems to love twins!

OK, I'll bite.

Essentially you are discussing risk mitigation. By definition, it cannot be eliminated. So how do you recommend addressing it?

My perspective is a broad one. I believe that every child should be a wanted one. That means investing in women's health, reproductive rights, ready access to contraception and abortion and educating men of their responsibilities and financial obligations .

And a seismic societal shift.

I do not believe in a number. I believe in multiple social, economical and financial factors dovetailing in an optimal fashion.

Goldilocks zone.

The best predictor of future outcomes are previous outcomes.

Respectfully, do they have a choice in the matter?

Mine very often choose to share for the night, but there must occasionally be fallings out/one who is poorly/one who has a friend round/one who simply wants a little privacy?

I never really had a number in mind. When it was time to stop, it felt right. The only real 'thing' I had was that they had their own rooms. They don't actually need their own rooms, that's just something I wanted for them.

I know it can happen with smaller families, it’s just almost inevitable in larger families in my experience.

I’m sorry you had that responsibility as a child, parentification is a terrible situation.

In some ways maybe, but on the flip side there are more siblings to support each other.