How many kids is too many???

[applesandbananas1]

More and more I see families have 3+ kids and it blows my mind… in this day and age I cannot fathom navigating parenting of more than 2 kids… it only gets harder as they grow up and I think loads fall into the trap of adding to their family while the older kids are still very young and the challenges of a 21st century childhood are less noticeable.

I have four children and want one last one. I know a few mums who have five children and they are all so happy. And I agree with you that big families mean hard work, but that’s fine.
If someone with one or two children didn’t want that for them so stuck at one/two then great that’s up to them. It’s when they loudly vocally judge people for making a different choice to them that they become rude and annoying.

I have one sibling who lives hundreds of miles away. What you have with your sisters I wish I had that too.

Just because you can't cope with it or see how it could work, doesn't mean no-one else can cope with it or make it work. We all have different capacities. If two is your limit, it's good you recognise it. Have two.

More than you can afford, if you have the money go ahead and procreate

If I’d met my now dh as a young woman i suspect we would have had several, as it was we met later in life so have no joint children, my ex was hard work so i couldn’t cope with more than 2 with him, he has since had an autism diagnosis

I’m not sure why a family with two children would be adequately prepared for these unprecedented future challenges, yet a family with three is just too mind-blowingly large to cope.

We all have different resources in terms of time, temperament, finances and support. So we should mind our own business and trust other people to make decisions that work for them.

I have three but I am fortunate to have financial security, quite a lot of patience and no great need for sleep, so it works well.

I’ve actually never mentioned money, and I am not jealous. I don’t want more children than I have. My point is - I often see people adding to their family in 1-2 year increments and ending up with 3+ kids - before the real
challenges of parenting even begin. It’s none of my business but I can still wonder.

We have 5.
Ds 28
Dd 22
Ds 15
Twin Dds 7
And currently fostering a 6 month old baby boy.
All the kids currently live at home so it's a busy house with 8 ppl.
We wouldn't change a thing.

Yep. Totally agree.

I have 7 bedrooms and chose to fill them all. I didn't find it harder than two. In fact, in some ways it's easier as they also have each other. The 'real challenges' of parenting exist at every stage. They're just different. Having teenagers wasn't harder because of more siblings. By the time I got to younger ones, I'd had practice with the issues, so it was easier. It's not the first time every time.

They all had their own room. They all had extra curriculars. You just work out the timetable efficiently so they work together well. None of them had any less than they would have if I'd had one or two. Children in law who are now arriving are the bonus icing on the cake.

The environmental debate side of it is a different discussion than whether you can individually manage the parenting of those children though, which is what OP seems more concerned about.

Exactly. I have 4 and it’s busy and fun but not chaotic.

It’s all subjective.

I’m the third dc my dm particularly couldn’t be bothered with. She didn’t speak to me throughout most of my childhood. She is mentally ill. But please think about your health and energy levels and general willingness to give. I never had anyone read a book with me, play a board game, pick me up from a school trip or party. Just make sure you are actively involved. Not just wanting an audience member.

We have 5 and plan on having one more, hopefully around this time next year, all going well.
We find parenting easy and a lot of fun, HOWEVER, that is because we can afford them, along with help around the house/garden and we both have the most amazing families, our boys have 5 sets of grandparents doting over them all and we actually had to start filing in the calendar of who had who and when as we were starting to get grief over so and so has had them more than me/is it not my turn to babysit - madsers that they are😂

This seems pretty judgmental. I had three DC in 3.5 years and we've managed just fine. Almost all my friends have three or four children. None of them are very rich or very poor just perfectly normal families who've made different choices to those that have one or two.

You’re not actually concerned though are you. Its judgement disguised as concern and a thinly veiled dig at people who you think have had too many children.

Your argument isn’t even logical. Most of the things you mention, like social media or both parents working, are the same regardless of how many kids you have.

My 3rd is due in April and since one of the mums at school found out she barely talks to me anymore, I used to chat to her every day! I know she doesn't agree with 'unlimited breeding' though and judges people for having more than 2 basically.

Two children is quite enough for anybody these days. The world is over-populated IMHO.

I am sorry to hear that - that’s quite an extreme reaction!!!

Social media is a bigger challenge than issues of the past like war, deadly illnesses, child labour etc? I don’t think so. And if these things are so bad, we’re all better off with just one child, or even better, zero.

@applesandbananas1 How many children do you have?

It might be because she comes from a big family. I’ve never been taken to buy a pair of shoes individually. It’s totally different from my dc’s experience. Where both DH and I take them out, according to their interests and needs. Instead of just rearing a throng you largely ignore, with older ones looking after younger ones.

We have 3 and cope fine (although babysitters are a very rare occurrence!). Think a lot of it depends on the nature of the children rather than the number.

I’ve got four. They’re pretty much adults and navigating the world ok.

Is your mind blown OP?

I have a colleague who has just had a fourth, living in a teeny three bed house. She announced it in the same breath as telling us that her eldest wasn't getting bigger school jumpers this year, because they couldn't afford them, and justified it by saying 'well I always wanted a big family as a child.'

I did have to bite my tongue. Hard.

@applesandbananas1 for me it was a decision based on how many years of my life do I actually want to have dependants and I decided ideally 2 decades only (so all of my 30s and 40s), so I stopped at 2!

I’m delighted I’m 47, 3 years to go and whilst I’m happy for them both to live here for however long they want, they will certainly be living as adults, with no mummy running round after them.