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AIBU?

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Original poster

How many kids is too many???

205 replies

applesandbananas1 · 14/03/2026 20:28

More and more I see families have 3+ kids and it blows my mind… in this day and age I cannot fathom navigating parenting of more than 2 kids… it only gets harder as they grow up and I think loads fall into the trap of adding to their family while the older kids are still very young and the challenges of a 21st century childhood are less noticeable.

OP posts:
budgiegirl · 18/03/2026 15:44

Mine are now 26 and 21 and they still cost a fortune!!

Why? Mine are 25, 23 and 20 - the youngest costs a bit as she's at uni, but the older two cost very little - they work full time, pay a small rent, are saving to move out, buy most of their own food (their choice, by the way), pay for their own car/clothes/phone/gym etc. How is a 26 year old still costing you a fortune?!

moofolk · 18/03/2026 15:58

I’ve got three, and with everything I know now, I’d say one is too many!

Twoshoesnewshoes · 18/03/2026 16:02

Five

EvieBB · 18/03/2026 20:06

budgiegirl · 18/03/2026 15:39

Only the very rich or the very poor can afford to have families of three plus children

Absolute rubbish. I have three children (all adults now), and we are a bang-on average income household, so neither rich nor poor. You just cut your cloth, don't you? We moved to a cheaper area to have a larger house. We managed to do without childcare as we worked around the kids, and one of us was usually home so we could give them plenty of attention. We had holidays, both camping and budget abroad. We paid about half of the kids driving lessons, didn't buy them a car, phones etc were for birthday/christmas presents. Anything they needed we paid for, anything they wanted, they had to save for from pocket money/gifts, and getting Saturday jobs at 16.

But they were very loved, and not in anyway deprived. Often on mumsnet, there seems to be this obsession with providing everything a child could wish for - a bedroom each, a car at 17, the latest clothes/trainers/phones/tech. Kids don't absolutely need all that - yes it's nice if you can afford it, but what they need more than anything is love, security and family. And you don't need to be very rich to provide that.

Love your answer
Also....what tends to happen with the kids who get everything on a plate is that they don't appreciate it in any case....!

Original poster
applesandbananas1 · 18/03/2026 20:22

Elsvieta · 18/03/2026 13:00

I think your phrasing is revealing - "navigating parenting", "academic pressures", "juggling their hobbies and friendships" etc. I think the fact is that in ages past, when having 6 or 8 or 10 kids was common, people just... didn't. There wasn't much concept of "parenting" (kids did as they were told, end of) or much sense of there being anything to "navigate". Kids just got sent to school and what happened after that was down to them - if you got in trouble at school you'd be in trouble at home, but that was it really. It wouldn't have occurred to parents to involve themselves in the kids' friendships or hobbies. Nowadays everybody thinks they need to involve themselves in everything their kids do and it's child abuse if you make them share a room and all that. If you're going to spend your life snowploughing and managing their every emotion for them and thinking you have to give them attention or material things whenever they want them then yes, I could see how you'd struggle to cope with more than two. But you don't HAVE to be that kind of parent; it's a choice. Personally I think the modern culture of "parenting" is producing a lot of pathetic young people who can't seem to transition successfully into acting like adults, managing their own problems, having confidence in their ability to cope with setbacks etc. Others don't have to agree. But I don't think kids of today are necessarily at a disadvantage if they're one of five and they have to wait their turn, work a problem out for themselves, walk if they want to get somewhere, work and save if they want to buy something, move out and spend some time in a crummy bedsit if they want to stop sharing a room, etc. It builds resilience and confidence and a work ethic. Some of the smartest and most hardworking people I know are from big families.

Very interesting reply - thank-you!!!

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