Page 6 | AIBU to expect my passenger to pay for the damage she caused?

Miskast · 15/03/2026 14:50

Tell her the excess is £250 and ask directly & politely if she could contribute towards it. Whether it's an insurance claim or not is a detail.

This is one of those where if it was someone else's kid you wouldn't go chasing the parents but I think with a grown adult it is reasonable to expect a contribution.

She may be being slow to offer because she doesn't know what scale the cost will be, and she can't afford thousands. And if she is not a driver herself she also might naively think you can claim it all back on insurance and not being out of pocket.

HisNibs · 15/03/2026 14:51

4wardlooking · 15/03/2026 14:36

I disagree. It would be annoying but I wouldn’t make the passenger pay.

If you were to get an Uber and you accidentally did what OPs passenger did, would you pay for it or assume he’d claim on his insurance.

Rhetorical. We both know you wouldn’t pay.

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Actually, Uber's T&Cs mean that if the driver reports damage through the app, the passenger can be charged (help.uber.com/en-GB/riders/article/vehicle-damage?nodeId=0e102bc9-9310-4e1c-9456-0510f410eb7b)
"Vehicle damage
Riders are responsible for damage they cause to the interior or exterior of a vehicle, such as damage to upholstery or body components.
Vehicle damage fees:
Are paid in full to the vehicle’s driver
Will appear on an updated trip receipt, if applicable
To dispute a vehicle damage fee, please navigate to Trip Issues and Refunds"

4wardlooking · 15/03/2026 14:54

HisNibs · 15/03/2026 14:51

Actually, Uber's T&Cs mean that if the driver reports damage through the app, the passenger can be charged (help.uber.com/en-GB/riders/article/vehicle-damage?nodeId=0e102bc9-9310-4e1c-9456-0510f410eb7b)
"Vehicle damage
Riders are responsible for damage they cause to the interior or exterior of a vehicle, such as damage to upholstery or body components.
Vehicle damage fees:
Are paid in full to the vehicle’s driver
Will appear on an updated trip receipt, if applicable
To dispute a vehicle damage fee, please navigate to Trip Issues and Refunds"

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I stand corrected.

I’d still not charge my passenger but I wouldn’t be reluctant to have said passenger in my car in the future.

ForPlumReader · 15/03/2026 15:02

Nearly50omg · 15/03/2026 13:28

And who’s paying the excess then? She should!!

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Agree she should offer, but I think OP should point out any excess. If not, nobody knows if she is genuinely unaware or not.

nevernotmaybe · 15/03/2026 15:05

somanychristmaslights · 14/03/2026 19:42

Be careful when you’re opening doors then if you can’t afford to pay for damage

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Don't offer lifts if you cant take on the potential costs of genuine accidents from giving lifts.

franklymydearscarlett · 15/03/2026 15:16

Theunamedcat · 14/03/2026 18:33

Does she not know to use her opposite hand to open the door?

How fast was the other car going? Is there much damage?

And yes she should offer to pay

Next time she wants a lift I would say its cheaper for me if you catch the bus

What do you mean by use her opposite hand to open the door?

yes OP I think your friend should pay as sure it was an accident but it was entirely her fault. The fact that she hasn’t offered means that you won’t see the friendship in the same light again anyway so you have nothing to lose by asking her to pay or pay a contribution. She’s an absolute CF not to offer.

HisNibs · 15/03/2026 15:24

@franklymydearscarlett the poster is referring to the "Dutch Reach" method for opening doors safely...
"The "Dutch Reach" is a safety technique for exiting a car by using the hand furthest from the door (opposite hand) to open it. This action forces your body to turn, enabling you to check rearview mirrors, blind spots, and look behind for oncoming cyclists or traffic, preventing "dooring" accidents"

Itsmetheflamingo · 15/03/2026 15:34

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/03/2026 14:50

This thread is bonkers...under the highway code and the road vehicles construction and use act, the passenger should be carefully checking that the road is clear before opening the door and if they haven't done this properly then any damage they cause as a result, is their fault. You're not responsible for your passenger in this scenario.

The OP did nothing wrong and if I was the passenger in this scenario 100pc I'd offer to pay. In fact I know someone who's passenger damaged their door in this exact scenario (although it was around 20 years ago) and his passenger did pay for the damage and felt awful about it.

The passenger should pay. The only circumstances that the passenger shouldn't pay are -

if it could be proved that the other car was being driven recklessly
if the OP had told the passenger that it was safe to get out

So let me get this right. You’re suggesting the man whose car was damaged should’ve ignored OP, and instead claimed his damage from the passenger, OPs friend.

yet…. OPs insurance would pay out for it, had she needed to claim. Why would they pay if it’s unquestionably NOT the OPs responsibility?

could it be because liability isn’t decided by the Highway Code?

franklymydearscarlett · 15/03/2026 15:44

HisNibs · 15/03/2026 15:24

@franklymydearscarlett the poster is referring to the "Dutch Reach" method for opening doors safely...
"The "Dutch Reach" is a safety technique for exiting a car by using the hand furthest from the door (opposite hand) to open it. This action forces your body to turn, enabling you to check rearview mirrors, blind spots, and look behind for oncoming cyclists or traffic, preventing "dooring" accidents"

I didn’t know this - thank you for explaining!

KeyLimeCake · 15/03/2026 15:49

nevernotmaybe · 15/03/2026 15:05

Don't offer lifts if you cant take on the potential costs of genuine accidents from giving lifts.

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I've given loads of lifts and no one has ever damaged my car. It's not something I would have factored in to doing someone a favour.

If my passenger opened their car door and hit another car, while I know they most certainly didn't do it on purpose, it was an accident that could have been avoided if they had taken more care.

I would be mortified if I did that in someone else's car and would offer to pay.
If it was a thing that I incurred damage more than once from a careless passenger who didn't offer to pay, then I certainly would stop giving lifts (and I can't imagine many people would continue to do so either)

Itsmetheflamingo · 15/03/2026 16:16

KeyLimeCake · 15/03/2026 15:49

I've given loads of lifts and no one has ever damaged my car. It's not something I would have factored in to doing someone a favour.

If my passenger opened their car door and hit another car, while I know they most certainly didn't do it on purpose, it was an accident that could have been avoided if they had taken more care.

I would be mortified if I did that in someone else's car and would offer to pay.
If it was a thing that I incurred damage more than once from a careless passenger who didn't offer to pay, then I certainly would stop giving lifts (and I can't imagine many people would continue to do so either)

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Hmmmm- would you really pay? This actually happened to a friend I was with last year. The damage to her car was£6,000, god knows what it was for the liable car ( a Porsche cayenne)

If everyone once again decided not to claim on their insurance would you really be paying even when the outcome could look like that?

pinkpanther84 · 15/03/2026 16:54

It was your friends carelessness that caused the damage so she should pay. Why should you have to claim on insurance and have an increase in premiums when you had nothing to do with it?

Bananarose · 15/03/2026 18:21

the Passenger should pay, you didn’t open the door.! I would lose a friendship over this for sure.

gamerchick · 15/03/2026 18:24

Morally she should pay but you're the one responsible for the car and the passengers sadly.

Either way she wouldn't be getting a lift again.

problembottom · 15/03/2026 18:42

Whether I'd make my friend pay is one thing but I'd absolutely expect my friend to apologise and offer to pay and if she didn't I'd think less of her. Did she say sorry and seem upset?

BeddysMum · 15/03/2026 19:21

She is a crappy friend if she doesn't at least offer something. You are lucky the thirs party isn't making a claim against you and affecting your NCD!
I would have paid in full if it was a small amount not worth claiming for, or in the event of a claim offered to pay your excess.
No more lifts for her!

NeedSomeHeadspace · 15/03/2026 20:08

4wardlooking · 14/03/2026 18:24

Accidents happen. You’re insured, up to you to use it or not. Not your friend’s issue. She didn’t do it deliberately so leave her be.

Wow! No integrity here then. The cost of damage didn’t warrant an insurance claim, which is detrimental to insurance renewals and no-claims bonus if a claim is made. I would certainly be offering my friend the cost of repair if I was the passenger - the friend here had been clumsy whichever way you twist it.

croydon15 · 15/03/2026 20:09

44PumpLane · 14/03/2026 18:28

The actions of the passenger caused this, she should pay AT A MINIMUM the price of the excess on your insurance policy (I know you're choosing not to go through insurance as your premiums will rise in the future which is sensible, but for the sake of argument she should pay the value of your excess as a minimum id say).

This - l agree any decent person would offer to pay as they cause the damage or the excess if claim through insurance.

mikulkin · 16/03/2026 01:10

ErinBell01 · 15/03/2026 00:13

I've thought of this and I think I'd only just turned off the engine when I was aware friend bent forward to pick up her bag and then opened door and bang. I can't actually think he was driving very fast as he'd had to come round a twisty lane to get into the car park then manoeuvre slightly out of his normal line of drive to get into the space. He parked in the space in a reasonable manner, although very slightly to the left, which is not unreasonable after being hit on the right. I certainly didn't give him any reason to think I'd claim against him. He seemed very nice and reasonable and I'm grateful his pal can fix it. It was a small amount of damage, just a wee dent and some damaged paint, whereas mine is a bit more.

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I had exactly the same accident about 5 years ago and was absolutely sure I was to blame since I opened the door, When I called my insurance they asked me where the damage is on the other car and because it was in front corner, insurance advised me it was his fault. In the end he paid for all repairs through his insurance and my premium didn’t go up. My guess the driver knows he is at fault hence was nice and said he will fix his car for free.

Original poster

ErinBell01 · 16/03/2026 01:36

Update: I texted my friend that the cost would be £250 and that as that is the XS I wasn't involving insurers. I also said that the driver had told me his friend was fixing his car for free. I then said something not connected with the accident. She texted right back that she'd bring the money to our next meeting. I said I was happy to split the bill as there was already an existing small scratch in the same place as the higher up scrape. She's obviously happy with that and I'm happy we are still friends. Thanks for all your views, it's been very helpful reading them. Now I just have to hope the bodywork place does a good job!

OP posts:

NeedSomeHeadspace · 16/03/2026 02:15

ErinBell01 · 16/03/2026 01:36

Update: I texted my friend that the cost would be £250 and that as that is the XS I wasn't involving insurers. I also said that the driver had told me his friend was fixing his car for free. I then said something not connected with the accident. She texted right back that she'd bring the money to our next meeting. I said I was happy to split the bill as there was already an existing small scratch in the same place as the higher up scrape. She's obviously happy with that and I'm happy we are still friends. Thanks for all your views, it's been very helpful reading them. Now I just have to hope the bodywork place does a good job!

Oh that’s a good outcome. Glad your friend is honourable and you can remain friends.

KeyLimeCake · 16/03/2026 08:40

ErinBell01 · 16/03/2026 01:36

Update: I texted my friend that the cost would be £250 and that as that is the XS I wasn't involving insurers. I also said that the driver had told me his friend was fixing his car for free. I then said something not connected with the accident. She texted right back that she'd bring the money to our next meeting. I said I was happy to split the bill as there was already an existing small scratch in the same place as the higher up scrape. She's obviously happy with that and I'm happy we are still friends. Thanks for all your views, it's been very helpful reading them. Now I just have to hope the bodywork place does a good job!

How lovely!
She might have just taken it as a given that she would pay (most decent people would) and so not been explicit about it.
Glad you can stay friends.

44PumpLane · 16/03/2026 09:09

That's a really nice outcome OP. I'm pleased it's ended up being as straightforward as that and that you have maintained a friendship too.

jsecure · 16/03/2026 10:35

ErinBell01 · 14/03/2026 17:58

I was giving a friend a lift to our meeting. I parked in the car park and switched off the engine. Passenger picked up her bag and opened the door and there was a bang! A car had driven past my car to occupy the space in front of the space next to my car and the door had hit this car. Friend said she'd looked in the mirror but hadn't seen him. We all got out and inspected the damage and exchanged details. My car has a dent and paint damage on the door. OP had damage to his wheel arch. When I dropped friend off later I said I was going to contact my insurers and also get quotes, and would hear from OP. She didn't offer to pay anything. I've now got a price, not worth going to insurers due to XS, OP says his pal is fixing his car at no cost. What do I say to my friend? Husband says she won't remain a friend if I expect her to pay anything. AIBU to expect her to take responsibility? It was an accident but she caused it.

She should NOT pay anything because it was an accident. When she accepted a ride in your car she would generally have assumed you have insurance for your car. Cars get damaged; that happens. That's why we all have insurance. If she has or ever has a car in future, I'm sure she too will get insurance. We don't expect to pay out of our own pockets for people's cars, because everyone has car insurance.

daleylama · 16/03/2026 11:10

jsecure · 16/03/2026 10:35

She should NOT pay anything because it was an accident. When she accepted a ride in your car she would generally have assumed you have insurance for your car. Cars get damaged; that happens. That's why we all have insurance. If she has or ever has a car in future, I'm sure she too will get insurance. We don't expect to pay out of our own pockets for people's cars, because everyone has car insurance.

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You have forgotten about the payable excess and the subsequent uplift in the OPs insurance.