AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

[Roxen]

First of all, I know they are 18 so I have no control over this, it’s more about the debate between DH and I.

DH and I have twins who are 18, in their last year of school, they are doing IB diploma so it’s quite intense, has a lot involved in it, exams start at the end of April and run through May.

We agreed to neither of them having part time jobs as between their studies and the extra things they have to do they wouldn’t have time. However this weekend I’m feeling quite annoyed about that, as neither of them are going to do anything remotely related to school.

Last night they went to a friends birthday party, got home at about 2am, they then along with DD sat up for the F1 sprint race. Went to sleep for a few hours woke back up for qualifying and went to sleep again afterwards. Now they have all gone to the pub where they will stay all day for the 6 nations matches. DD has said when she gets home she will watch the Indian wells tennis semi-finals, before going to sleep and waking up for the F1 tomorrow. They then all have tickets for a football game tomorrow, before going out for dinner with school friends.

I think this is a stupid amount of time to spend doing very little over a whole weekend, I don’t really enjoy watching sports but my kids do and I increasingly feel it takes up all of their time. DH thinks it’s fine, it’s culture and they can study another weekend. I think if they have the time to waste a weekend away in front of the TV, they have time to take on a part time job.

AIBU?

YABU. The IB is hard work. They can get a job in the summer holidays after exams finish - plenty of time for all that later. Let them enjoy their youth!

Even regular state schools have varying 6th form entry requirements. At our local school you need 3 GCSE’s at Grade 6 & 5 at Grade 5, at the local college you need 5 GCSES AT grade 5, another 6th form nearby you need Grade 7 in the subjects you wish to study.

I hope that, unlike my daughter, they weren’t a McLaren fan or it would have been a waste of a weekend!

Well if you are that interested it's called Anglo - European school in ingatestone

That’s not a normal state school. It’s very unusual and has a specific history. It lists children with an international connection in its entry criteria which is highly unusual & it sets different grade requirements for different courses.

Have you actually worked out how much work that would be? They do 32.5 hours a week of school, then probably five hours of homework, so you're already on 37.5 hours, and then you want them to do another eight? Ten? That's a hell of a lot for what's supposed to be the carefree section of their lives.

It's a local school in ingatestone. The local kids have higher priority

The admission criteria is
Looked-after children / EHCP pupils (legal priority)
Local children
Those living in the parishes of Ingatestone, Mountnessing, or Margaretting
Or children at certain feeder primary schools
Siblings already at the school
Other categories (staff children, international etc.)
Remaining places allocated if oversubscribed (sometimes by random allocation)

I know the criteria. It’s a very unusual school. Sounds great school but they are not going to be allowing lower ability kids to take the IB in 6th form

The OP hasn't acknowledged any posts which ask her if she is also expected to work on her weekends. Why should her children then?

For the children to earn some money perhaps?

It's reasonable for 18 year olds to work, it just seems to be unusual on Mumsnet.

Unusual? My children applied to any job they could find right after A-Levels and were rejected by everyone. I have not seen a single student working in retail or hospitality for years. They only want people on zero hour contracts. I have also seen A-Level teachers on mumsnet who say that the subject material they teach has doubled since 2000. Friends have told me the same. Now, I remembered DH saw one of DS1's school classmate who is now at university working at Costa. He said that he had to work 2 days including 14 hours on Saturdays. DS has been meeting his friends for group coursework which is essential nowadays and spends most of his time doing that and his timetable is not the same every week. I have no idea how he would have handled work if he had to negotiate different days each week!

Thats the problem my daughter has Choco. A lot of the retail and coffee shop jobs want total flexibility over the whole week. She is on a coursework/practical hevy degree with a timetable that changes week to week. The timetable is also only released a week or so before the start of each semester so the few friends of her who have managed to find work have had to miss lectures and tutorial as because their work rota had already been set.

And almost everyone who has found work is under the age of 21. They can be paid less than dd who was 22 when she started.

Where do you suppose the staff at McDonald's or KFC come from? Or the ones working in nightclubs. Or weekend staff at supermarkets?

Maybe your kids were pipped to the post by those who already had 2 years work experience as started at 16.

And surely it's the best time for zero hour contracts when you don't have bills to pay

My daughter had 3 years experience, she worked 2 years in a theatre including behind the bar, 6 months at a theme park and 9 months in a coffee shop on a motorway services and still could not find a job when she became a student.

Their ages even in McDonalds and KFC average about 30. It's not anymore like it used to be 20-30 years ago. DH used to work as a student and was shocked. Which weekend staff at supermarkets?! There it's even worse. It's depressing.

That's very strange indeed then. My DS ( now 22 ( worked in McDonald's from age 16) Most of them were youngsters in the whole franchise. My DD is in HR for another fast food company and nearly all employees at basic level are under 21 ( completely different area of country)

Our local waitrose has 6th formers working there. The local pubs have young bar staff also. Some even under 18 as they can collect glasses, load dishwasher but not serve alcohol

Maybe it's just your particular area

Our nearest McD franchise also seems to have mostly older workers, certainly counter staff and front of house etc. The younger ones seem to be the ones doing the cooking. The last time, the guy who was taking the food out to the cars parked waiting in the bays must have been retirement age or close to it.

As McD's are franchised, I suppose it depends on the franchise owner as to what kind of staff they want to take on AND of course the availability of different staff in the local area. I have often noticed that when we've been to McD's in University towns/cities, the staff seem to be a lot younger, typically looking like student age - there'll be a bigger "pool" of youngsters wanting p/t work in a Uni town.

Because she can drive it would have been possible for dd to keep on her job at the motorway services coffee shop (just about commutable) - but they would not consider allowing her to work around her uni hours, they wanted total flexibility so she had to resign.

Jeeez, you sound as wildly unreasonable for the sake of being unreasonable as my Mother was.

Its ONE weekend from the sounds of it - where the hell do you think they're finding a job for ONE weekend?

SO they are spending a weekend watching sports and socialising, out of how many weekends where they haven't?

Be honest, it pisses you off that they're having fun and what is it you're doing? Something you don't enjoy, I'll bet, or something you feel is much more worthy than watching sports!

I am no sports fan, literally couldn't give a fuck, but surely its up to them what they do with their downtime!

Front of house staff are generally older for some reason

These kids should be enjoying their youth and spending time with their friends, having fun and focus on their studies during the week.

Do you spend your weekends working?

Doesn’t make it right. Personally I think it’s ludicrous that some parents expect DC who are working hard in full time education to work in addition. The clue is in the name.

Ime it is on the way out and mc DC who have more time to spent on their studies and extra curriculars are at an advantage.

The exception is if it’s something they enjoy like sports coaching or life guarding.

I used to be working full time and doing A levels at evening classes at weekends. I'd be out socializing

genuine question. Why don’t you believe your kids deserve downtime?

it’s one weekend. What may be the problem is you are Getting to enjoy a weekend as chores still need doing, dinner prepped etc.

my kid set up his own business at 14. He’s grown it and doing well. He only does it in holidays and occasional weekends. He’s got loads of money. Which he wastes on treats outside the home.

told him he needs to pay for one driving lesson a month when he starts. I can’t afford a lesson every week.

I think you need to get some activities you enjoy doing at weekends as they will be at uni soon and you will have empty nest.