AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

[Roxen]

First of all, I know they are 18 so I have no control over this, it’s more about the debate between DH and I.

DH and I have twins who are 18, in their last year of school, they are doing IB diploma so it’s quite intense, has a lot involved in it, exams start at the end of April and run through May.

We agreed to neither of them having part time jobs as between their studies and the extra things they have to do they wouldn’t have time. However this weekend I’m feeling quite annoyed about that, as neither of them are going to do anything remotely related to school.

Last night they went to a friends birthday party, got home at about 2am, they then along with DD sat up for the F1 sprint race. Went to sleep for a few hours woke back up for qualifying and went to sleep again afterwards. Now they have all gone to the pub where they will stay all day for the 6 nations matches. DD has said when she gets home she will watch the Indian wells tennis semi-finals, before going to sleep and waking up for the F1 tomorrow. They then all have tickets for a football game tomorrow, before going out for dinner with school friends.

I think this is a stupid amount of time to spend doing very little over a whole weekend, I don’t really enjoy watching sports but my kids do and I increasingly feel it takes up all of their time. DH thinks it’s fine, it’s culture and they can study another weekend. I think if they have the time to waste a weekend away in front of the TV, they have time to take on a part time job.

AIBU?

@FlyingPandas

100% agree with every word of that. Yes, it's better for a youngster to have a job, but lots of people (many on this thread) don't understand that the World has changed and it's not that easy to get jobs anymore.

A million young people are unemployed and that doesn't include those at school, college and university!

And a huge "yes" to agree to your comments about the problems facing those who are shy, or have an "unusual" personality or demeaner or who have a mental/physical disability. It's always been the case that the confident, smiley, outgoing ones are at the top of the list for everything and those who are "different" are at the bottom. The sheer lack of jobs just makes that even worse.

The posters on her who claim that it's been easy for their son/daughter to get a job either live in a big city or their son/daughter is one of the confident/outgoing ones. They won't realise the benefits of either/both as they can't comprehend anything different.

I think you raise some good points. I have one smiley confident child (out in the world, mind, he's far from that at home!) and he struggled but succeeded to get a job. I helped with the grunt work, scouring Indeed, helping him apply, but he interviewed and got two jobs himself.

The thing that surprises me from this thread is the number of people who seem to think that teenagers shouldn't even try to find work, and not because they won't get it, but because they need time to relax.
I get it to some extent and I certainly wouldn't be expecting someone a couple of months from exams to now get a job, but many seem to be against the whole idea in general.

I wonder how many support the claim benefits once studying is over scenario, there was a thread about that recently that had many mixed replies.

Do you know how hard it is to get jobs? You do also know that the f1 is on for a few hours over the whole weekend. The sprint was on super early, the race was 7am, it’s not “wasting their whole weekend away” you sound like a right joy. Let them enjoy the racing.

@Nicelynicelyjohnson

The thing that surprises me from this thread is the number of people who seem to think that teenagers shouldn't even try to find work, and not because they won't get it, but because they need time to relax.

But they DO need time to relax. Adults have their own "relax" time aside from the daily grind of work, so why do you think that children don't?

When I was at school, I was "expected" to work in our family business, a newsagents shop, at weekends. Not only did it mean I lost out on valuable "socialising" time with friends, I also missed out on studying/homework time and ended up having to rush it, which in turn meant lower grades etc. I never really forgave my parents for making me work rather than socialise/study as it did really affect my qualifications, social life, working life etc.

I never pushed our DS to go out and get a job. I "pushed" him to do activities and pushed him to do his homework/study/revision to the best of his abilities. The qualifications he achieved and the experiences from his socialising/activities outside school were far more valuable to him than had he worked a few shifts stacking shelves in Tesco!

Now only 24, he earns more than I ever did and earns more than myself and DH put together, he works in the UK's biggest insurance firm in London, lives in a house share with friends he's made from all over the UK, has an active social life, goes on holiday several times a year with various different people/groups. Not working in Tesco stacking shelves has done him no harm whatsoever.

I've also interviewed and it's not really been relevant.

Realistically, the answer is that it depends. It can be very helpful. It isn't necessarily going to be, especially when the student is doing something else instead.

And there is also the grades issue, no getting round that. While loads of students are 100% fine doing both and I suspect in some cases it might even be helpful, the risk is higher than it was a couple of decades ago because now we get less FE paid for. The people whining about the kids of today (not you) don't seem to be factoring that into their analysis. There is much less chance to catch up later on now than there used to be.

I also interview. And the notion that i give a shite about 4 hours a week in a takeaway is laughable.
If i see sports i know they know punctuality, teamwork, how to deal with failure.
If i see things like reading or crafting or non sporty, i know they know focuas and detail and self regulation and direction.
If you know how to read a cv properly u dont need to see a pt job to see good habits and traits.
No more than u have to have a pt job since u were 12 to know how to manage money.
Rediculous.

@Everybodys

There is much less chance to catch up later on now than there used to be.

Yes, another brilliant point there. Both me and DH left school with poor qualifications and dragged ourselves into professions via adult education courses etc. But that has been massively affected by the push for colleges to convert into school-leavers rather than adults. Nowadays if you don't go through the various stages of education at the right time, you're massively disadvantaged and will struggle to get where you want to go. It's far "easier" for todays students to do things right the first time and go through the education system in the "normal" way. It's what we were very aware of with our DS and we ensured he never got behind at any time in his formal education, always made sure he was "on the crest of the wave" in his school years, not necessarily top of the class, but certainly in the top 75%, and helped him get there and stay there. He sailed through GCSEs and then sailed through A levels and then sailed through Uni, now sailing through professional exams. "Sailing" isn't the right word, it's damned hard work for him.

Yes, I know there are pathways for people to get qualifications after leaving school, or go to Open University etc., but it's harder than just doing things the "right/normal" way in the first place. And like I say, much reduced options for "adult" education that say 30 years ago.

You know then that their parents were well off enough to support them through their education and they didn't need paid work. Not everyone is that lucky.

Which has absolutely nothing to do with whether i hire them or not.

Yes, I think the "must have work experience, ANY work experience" is another one of these myths perpetuated by people who havn't a clue. Likewise it used to be "you must have DofE, at least Silver" which is likewise a load a bull, especially now that everyone and his dog seems to have done it!

Work experience is obviously helpful and sometimes vital, but more often than not, it's "relevant" work experience that matters, i.e. certainly not a bit of washing up in a cafe or stacking shelves in Tesco, but more likely a Summer internship in an accountancy practice for someone wanting to be an accountant, or volunteering in a hospice for someone wanting to be a nurse etc.

Not relevant. When I've been recruiting (as I did a lot of in the 90s and 00s, not so much these days), I was looking for the best fit for the jobs available, not thinking about being a social experiment. I was only vaguely interested if their CV showed work experience for a school leaver - it was literally only something I'd use to start a conversation, likewise, I'd just chat about their hobbies, sports or whatever they did in their spare time. It's just a conversation starter, get the person to open up and relax - I'd far rather hear about their interest in bird watching, or formula one, or football or country walks than whether they'd had a crappy shelf stacking job in Tesco! In reality, I didn't give a hoot what they did, I just wanted them relaxed and chatty. Completely different if I was recruiting for an "experienced" position where prior relevant experience was essential and I'd spent most of the interview talking about their previous jobs, rather than their hobbies etc as I needed to know how much of my job available they could do from day 1, how much training they'd need to do bits they had no experience with etc. Completely different.

Or they were lucky enough to have parents who could afford the time and car to take them to work because the kids who live in my area (a deprived, rural area with dreadful public transport) can't even get to a job or they are lucky enough not to have caring responsibilities (my daughter didn't work because her dad had a medial condition that meant he can't drive and so she was far more useful in helping to care for a grandparent with dementia. I know another young person who has two very disabled siblings etc etc, the list goes on.

It's extremely unfortunate that having to work during sixth form/FE can be a disadvantage, one that isn't necessarily compensated for by increased employability later. It's obvious why this is bad for social mobility, and as an FSM kid myself I wish it weren't so. But that doesn't make it any less true.

I agree, one young person who was at college with ds had to work a lot and despite him being very talented at the subject he was studying got worse results than the others and also lost opportunities at college because of his availability out of hours. I am sure that having to work so much contributed to this.

Yes, this too. It's one thing for a teen or young adult to work to gain life experience, confidence and money to fund socialising, travelling, a bit of retail therapy or whatever. Very different if they have to work because they're living in poverty.

My 21yo DS is currently working in a hospitality job to get some experience post uni (which I am beyond proud of him for getting and coping with, as he very much falls into the neurodiverse/socially awkward/'bottom of the pile' type of young person who would be blown out of the water by all the shiny happy socially confident ones!). We have very much encouraged him to work and we ask him for a small, proportionate contribution to the household because we think it is good for him to work and to make that little contribution, but as a family we don't 'need' him to work, financially. It's more about supporting him to gain experience in order to make the next step in his life.

But some of the friends he's made at this job have to try and get as many shifts as possible because they have to help their parents pay rent with what they earn, even if they're currently studying. Which is bound to have an impact on them.

As I said in my previous post, we don't live in a world of equal opportunity and the playing field is not level unfortunately.

I think they probably really benefit from the downtime. Surely intense academic work 5 days a week and then a job on the other two is just a guaranteed road to burnout?

Tbh once my last dd is finished what feels like the longest degree in the world ( its not, im just doing college and school for years) id happily sponsor a kid if i thought i could get one out from under the stress of juggling a bar job hours and college.
The food banks in dds college get cleaned out. A lad in a room below her lived on cornflakes till she started giving him 'extra groceries' when i sent "too much" and some dinners i cooked cos she "wldtn be in to eat them all that week".
Its tough out there these days. Id help any of em tbh.

there are ways to help if you are are in the financial position to do so. I gave an anonymous £500 donation towards a college bursary fund for those on low incomes at one place as I had seen for myself how these things affected some of ds's friends.

Honestly this thread has really made me think about it for sure.
Im going to look into this.
Thank you.

They sound like good kids to me. They haven’t squandered their money from their grandparents and are out and about socialising, as they should at 18.
what’s an IB diploma?

International Baccalaureate

It’s a highly academic A level equivalent qualification with arguably a much higher workload and a broader range of subjects have to be studied. Usually only attempted by the cleverest students & includes a 4,000 word research project or extended essay, community service & art/sporting activities.

Oh most of 6th formers did it in a local to me school. In fact I think it was one of the first UK schools to offer it

Assuming they're still heavily dependent they are not exactly adults yet? What a weird post

I’m guessing that they had quite high entry requirements for that 6th form then. It’s a qualification that is very highly regarded, but will definitely not suit everyone.

I don't know It's a regular state school. Not grammar l