To be upset over ruined photo shoot?

[iamjustgutted]

Gutted about this.

I spent admittedly far too much on a Mother’s Day photo shoot. Had it today and was awful. Kids not playing ball at all; ds wild and charging around like a complete lunatic, dd whiny and refusing to do anything she was asked.

I know it’s just kids etc but I can’t lie; I’m gutted.

I get it. I got a free photo shoot via Emma's Diary when my dd was a toddler. My ds was 4 and behaved appallingly and dd, watching him, followed suit. So stressful, and I was also gutted. That said, 18 years later, I love now those photos....all I now see is the mischief in their eyes, and its fabulous, I miss those moments now. I hope you'll cone to love your photos.

A few years back I was looking through photos from when the kids were little (eldest is 35, youngest 14) and DD3 asked why I wasnt in many of them. I said it was because it was always me taking the pictures.

Then I cried (on my own, no emotional blackmail!) because I realised that my ex husband was in loads with them but I wasnt. I cared enough to have photos taken of them but he didnt care to take photos of me with them.

I get it, and I would advise to not post on AIBU unless you want responses from people who get their kicks by taking others down. Its pathetic that they need to do that to make themselves feel good.

They're posed but if done well, you get natural smiles and character. They're moments that actually happened.

If you manipulate images so you're imposing expressions or adding someone in, it's just moments you wished happened.

I do understand why you'd be a bit upset. Kids are nearly 3 & nearly 5. I've taken them for Christmas photos for the last few years. Last year DS2 wasn't playing along. We did actually get some nice photos. It was the first time I was in them and we've got a cracking one of us as a family with DS1 beaming away and DS2 looking like thunder. I actually love it because it kind of highlights their different personalities. You might be surprised! Also they can head swap from other photos if needed.

Check out the Awkward Family Photos instagram page. I promise you’ll be laughing about this one day.

I think with anything or any idea that we really want to do, it comes with high expectations, and sadly for you, it didn’t come off and it didn’t meet your expectations of it. I don’t think there really is an answer, the phrase “ no point crying over spilt milk” comes to mind. It’s happened, it’s done. I’d like to think the pictures will come out better than you think…I’d like to think a good photographer can capture some moments and smiles between the chaos, you might be surprised.

This is the thing, nobody ever thinks to take in the moment photos of mums with their kids, my family certainly never did this and I really wish someone would have.
lots of photos of lovely moments of kids with dad or grandparents because I took them but absolutely none of me with them which makes me sad.
I used to ask but it still never happened.
So its a posed photo shoot for most mums or nothing.

@theblackradiator well as we’ve seen from this thread lots of people , myself included do have lovely photos with their children taken by others or selfie types so it is not a case of photo shoots or nothing for most mums .

Sorry if I've missed this, but what ages are your kids? Kids aren't performing monkeys. Depending on the ages, you can't expect them to understand the importance of this day to you. They weren't doing it on purpose. They enjoyed their day picking up logs and for all you know there could be really lovely photos taken, just wait and see them! How long do you have to wait?

Im getting married later this year and I've ideas in my head of photos I would love to have of them, the reality is I'll be lucky to get 1 decent family photo. I've accepted that. I could let it annoy me on the day but the reality is it'll change nothing only make me upset, and they are too young to explain to them how important the photos are to me so whatever happens happens. Once they are happy I'll be grand!

well you and the other mums with these photos are lucky and lovely for you that you have thoughtful family and friends that see a lovely moment of mother and children and think to capture it.
Sadly as you can also tell by many posts on this thread that we all do not have thoughtful partners, relatives or friends like that even when they are asked sadly.
yes there are selfies which can be nice but tbh are not quite the same.

Woah - too true, too true!

I've had the same experience with family photo shoots, more than once, and the photographer has rearranged it for another day. The rearranged day wasn't actually any better but we got a surprising amount of good pictures from the shoots anyway 😄 and I never thought there would be a single decent one. If they turn out terrible you definitely have good ground to ask for a reshoot and just make sure you have plenty of good motivational negotiations with you like sweeties, bubbles, toys 😉

maybe faux naive

I asked DH to collect baby DD from childcare & take her to local shopping centre for photo session so I could send pics to our relatives living back home.
I had laid out clean clothes ready as I was at work.
All went well until photos came back and there was DD complete with dribble and biscuit covered bib. He hadn’t thought to remove the bib he put on her to wear in the car to keep her dress clean.
We still laugh at those photos that were taken in 1982.
That’s what memories are made of, hilarious not quite right photos!

With my boys I used to start with telling them to give me whatever they wanted for the first photo or two and then they had to do the serious stuff. Got it out of their systems and by photo 3 they were relaxed.

I know what you mean and how you feel. We just had a major family occasion (50 people in attendance) and without going into too much outing detail, in the 350 photos taken by the photographer there are none of my immediate family or I! He seemed to be avoiding me especially and I highly suspect the organiser of the event who dislikes me had a hand in this. It’s so shit because I would have loved some decent professional photographs of us looking our best😞

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment, OP. It sounds as thought this photo fiasco is just the tip of the iceberg and you feel generally stressed and unappreciated and a bit of a failure. I really hope things pick up for you very soon.

Presumably you go on outings with friends and family with your kids? Ask them to take some pix of you and your kids when you’re all out. It will be more relaxed and I’m sure everyone will behave better with people they know.

I don’t think it’s so much that but OP has snapped repeatedly at posters in this thread, being quite unpleasant when they were genuinely trying to help.

And lots of us have been in similar scenarios with uncooperative DC - I have two autistic DC who wouldn’t smile nicely for a photo, even if you gave them every Pokemon in existence! I also have a DP who doesn’t take photos. I love photos of my DC and really treasure them. It’s not the ideal combination! 😂

So it’s not that I don’t understand the frustration. But OP admits she hasn’t even seen the full set of photos or edits yet and made reference to Morher’s Day being depressing now in her household. I mean,come on. It really does feel as she’s determined for things to be shit.

OP may not have got the exact photos she dreamt of but I bet there will be some usable ones. And much as she’s gotten cross at PP who suggested it, but this is one of those things you need to have a sense of humour about. Kids aren’t performing monkeys and actually, a nice natural photo outside with your kids having fun and playing around you sounds rather lovely. My DC have got high needs so maybe I’m just used to adjusting my expectations, but I don’t think this sounds like a waste of money at all.

I'm sorry people are being so insensitive about it, I know how you feel. It's especially hard when you've built something up in your head and it ends up being a complete flop, nevermind the waste of money.

I hope you managed to have a decent mother's day and your husband put in some effort!

I can never understand why men are so awful at taking photos or videos of us with our kids! I don't particularly like photos of me, but I've told my husband I want him to take photos of me and our boy just having fun, living life etc so many times and it doesn't happen! We went sledging a couple of months ago, I got plenty of photos and videos of him and our son, have the camera ready and point and shoot! Me and the boy went down on the sledge a couple of times together, directly at my husband with his phone pointed at us. He said we set off too fast, he didn't have time to click play on the video! How?? By the time he'd told me that when I asked to see them, our son was done with sledging and didn't want to climb back up the hill again. The hill was huge! Plenty of time!

This post resonated with me. I find that I sometimes build up (too much) expectation for an event if I'm not in a great place at that particular time. It's like I can feel myself thinking "well it's all a bit shit at the moment but THIS will be ok/make me feel better." Then if it doesn't go to plan I feel worse than I would have done if I hadn't hyped it up.
So I understand why you might be feeling so shit about it.

It doesn't help for this, but for the future maybe try to really up the amount of photos taken of you with the family - impromtu or planned. I started doing this after a loved one died because I realised I didn't have many of us together. As a bonus, it's helped me not give a shit about how flattering some of them are because they have become a trigger for emotions and memories, which is more important for me.

Think if it like this. They're kids, they play up. You can always use the photos to blackmail them when they're teenagers and show their friends. But, yes. It is disappointing when they play up, but it happens, kids arnt perfect, would you really want them to be, it would make life very dull.

Someone I know had a similar experience with a photoshoot organised by grandparents. They had bought matching shirts for everyone, and the three kids (all aged under 6; two siblings and their cousin) just wouldn't play ball - one refused to have anything to do with the shirt, another wanted to wear ONLY the shirt, they were generally grumpy and bickering. They gave up in the end and actually tried again a couple of weeks later and it went much better. So you are definitely not alone in this experience.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. I'd be gutted too.

You absolutely aren't foolish - having nice photos of you and your children is a natural, normal thing to want, and given how many people do have lovely professional photos of their kids, it's not remotely unreasonable that you hoped it could be achieved.

I hate when things like this backfire and you're just left feeling miserable and out of pocket.

Do you own a digital camera yourself, or could you borrow one? If so there is loads of good advice for how to capture lovely family photos using a tripod and a remote trigger. You could also do this with an iphone on a timer, though it's a little trickier to manage the timings.

Or, make a plan with your husband to spend a day in a gorgeous place where he has his phone out, camera ready, the whole time. Don't tell the kids what's happening and see if he can get some lovely candids.