To be upset over ruined photo shoot?

[iamjustgutted]

Gutted about this.

I spent admittedly far too much on a Mother’s Day photo shoot. Had it today and was awful. Kids not playing ball at all; ds wild and charging around like a complete lunatic, dd whiny and refusing to do anything she was asked.

I know it’s just kids etc but I can’t lie; I’m gutted.

@TeaView it isn’t what I want to think of at the moment; I’m sorry. No, it isn’t possible to be honest - I wouldn’t ask a friend to give up their precious free time to do that and would find it toe curling.

You know what? I wasn't patronising, I was genuinely trying to help.
I actually apologised for any upset caused inadvertently, but you're. still going on about it and ignoring the apology.
Seriously.

But that will have capture who your ds is.

I have a ds who loves sticks. He is an adult now and is STILL impressed with a good stick if he finds on on a walk.
I treasure memories of the little boy I actually had. Photos of him sitting angelically in a white shirt would not be photos of that actual child he was.

Some of my favourite photos are of them covered in mud or whatever - they are memories of them having a great time.

It really wasn't.
It was a kind poster reassuring you.

But I guess we'll have to just agree to disagree.

@PatriciaRocks i know and you’ve spent several posts going on about it. But if I went to work on Monday and said to someone new to the role ‘listen to me, I am experienced’ I would fully expect for them to be taken aback and feel patronised in the extreme. As I did. Let’s move on; we aren’t going to agree on this. I’m not the one ‘going on’ about it; I actually didn’t mention it after I said what I wanted to say but you and others spent the best part of three pages discussing it!

Thank you. I don't think it's going to work, genuinely.

I haven't gone on about it. You can't seem to let it lie though.
I apologised. You ignored it. Let's move on
Good luck.

And another three page discussion begins. Sigh.

@JustGiveMeReason what you don’t seem to understand here is I have hundreds, thousands actually, of photos on my phone capturing who ds is, I don’t need more. What I desperately wanted were photos of me and ds, that showed the love and the bond. Instead, I had ds charging off with sticks,

Well, you’ve posted seven times about it and I’ve posted twice.

Oh dear lord.
I apologised. Not good enough? Fine.
Let it lie.

OP I am getting a bit of déjà vu of my interactions with my young adult daughter. She often comes to me in a crisis or sad. I then instinctively start offering advice or suggestions. She then gets annoyed with me because the suggestions are ‘wrong’. We both then realise that what she just wants to do is vent and she doesn’t want any practical solutions, just wants to be heard and listened-to. Is this the case here?

I'm surprised at how many posters think you're being unreasonable. Whether or not it was a good idea to attempt a photo shoot with young children is a bit of a separate question - the point is that you'd organised something you thought would be special, you were looking forward to it, and it turned into a bit of a disaster. It's not surprising, or unreasonable, that you were upset. I totally get that. I hope you manage to find something nice to do to spoil yourself a bit this evening, even if it's just something small like a nice hot bath when the kids are in bed. There will be other fun things you can plan, hopefully things you can all enjoy, but for now, just be kind to yourself and salvage as much of the day as you can.

My parents have occasionally had a photoshoot for us over the years, and I'm glad they did, so YANBU to have one. I'm sorry you had such a difficult day

I would like to offer a suggestion to address your specific concern that your children won't have many photos with you in them, and selfies aren't for you. Most mobile phones these days have a sort of timer mode if you hold your hand up or say "SMILE!" or something. It's good for group shots when you want everybody to be in it. You could buy a cheap tripod for a phone (or just work out what you've got around that would prop it up) and have a mess about with this setting on your phone.

If it ever feels like a fun thing to do that isn't high pressure, you could buy (or make) occasion themed fabric photographer's backdrops (can attach to a wall if you have suitable one, or get a collapsible frame) and do family snaps with the selfie timer on the phone on a tripod. You could get a spring themed one for easter (bonus points for getting the family involved in making easter themed props to hold), a palm trees type backdrop for summer holidays, Halloween, Christmas etc etc. The only expense each time would be £10-£20 to buy a new themed backdrop, which you can either reuse the next year or sell second hand and have a different one every year. If you can make it a fun thing that everybody gets involved in making props for and has fun taking the actual photos, even if one occasion's turn out a bit shit there's another one in a few months time to look forward to.

I hope tomorrow goes better than you think it will xxx

I’m not your daughter and I am a long way from a young adult. I’m probably closer to your age than your daughters. I didn’t ask or seek your advice and I’m not in a crisis.

Ok I am out. I have been consistently kind and supportive with all my responses. I wish you all the best for Mother’s Day.

That would be a yes then to TeaView's question

Well, I was feeling very sympathetic to you, OP, until I read that. What a snippy response to someone trying to be helpful.

Save up and get some done indoors less distraction more chance of them being usable i have some nice ones of me and mine indoors (ex husband not so much) outdoor shoots with young children especially ones who love sticks dont sound feasible for you right now

It was another exceptionally patronising post; firstly comparing me to a ‘young adult daughter’ and then asking me ‘is that what it is’ when it’s surely OBVIOUS I was venting in upset. Anyway, whatever, it’s really been a terrible fucking day and doubtless the earlier poster was right, tomorrow will be just as bad. I can’t seem to do anything right at the moment.

Tomorrow is a still a blank canvas - wishing you a better day, OP.

OP have you got a digital version? If so you could ask one of the many photoshop facebook groups to alter it. That does mean posting your kid’s image on social media which I know might not sit right . Or you could try yourself with AI… you could put separate shots of self and DS into same shot. Or take some nice selfies of both of you and manipulate images to look amazing. Kids have a knack of not living up to our expectations unfortunately. Mine hated winter wonderland, announced very loudly that a pantomime was “boring” and asked what time his birthday party guests were going home. YANBU to be gutted, I get that but you can retrieve this and get the shots you want!

Thanks, you’ve made me cry because you’re being nice and seem to understand. I’m just completely burnt out with everything and everybody and I wish I could move to the other side of the country for a fortnight.

@SevenYellowHammers its that the photos of me are going to be the complete opposite of what I wanted; forced and unnatural. I wanted ‘just walking through the woods with my lovely children’ I’ve got ‘strained smile as one child waves a log around manically’

I totally get what you are feeling and the misery guts that are saying it's weird that "these days" everything is about photoshoots are the same people that are visiting museums etc looking at photographs of x y and z people that were taken to document a moment in time. Photos have always been about and they are really special in documenting family memories. You'll have good shoots and bad shoots, don't let that put you off x