to think I should have been allowed to hold my new nephew

[milliec]

Message withdrawn

The fact that they didn't want you to go into the kitchen because of the mess speaks volumes about how overwhelmed and out of control they feel.

I can appreciiate that you felt frustrated and snubbed, milliec, but doubt there was more any more sinister agenda afoot than exhaustion and end-of-tether syndrome - possibly exacerbated by grandparents presence.

gosh so many well mannered, accomodating, tea making, kitchen cleaning, baby passing New mummy's here

i will go stand in the no tea, forgot my manners,sleep deprived, dirty kitchn wearing my PJ's

You should have made the tea. I would be fucked off with guests arriving when I have a 3 week old and they expect me to make them tea!

I was advised not to let anyone apart from very close (ie my mum) hold DS for at least three weeks after coming home (differnet reasons mind) - I didn't care that everyone probably thought I was being unreasonable.

my favorite visitors were the ones who turned up with their own sandwiches and took the wrappings away with them afetrwards.

Lazy...they wouldnt LET her make tea either

No tea!Dirty kitchenmaybe indicative of being overwhelmed, tired, and had a NB

What an amazing display of opposing principles. Totally agree with the person who said there "isn't a general rule" - and whatever some people might have felt happy doing has nothing whatsoever to do with what other people are OK with.

Just to add - the remark about the messy kitchen definitely says anxiety to me - whether PND, or common-or-garden sleep deprivation, or, possibly, even awkward recognition of how much less well she is managing then milliec clearly did.

milliec - I'd do total water under the bridge on this one, and give her a good long settling in. You may find she needs your support.

Good point kerrymum.

agree with dartmoor.

And Scottish mummy, you misunderstood my point. My point was I do not view loving relatives wanting to give a baby a cuddle as treating him like a commodity to be gawped at. I view it as loving relatives wanting to welcome a new baby, like dartmoor said.

I think the extended family point is important.

I do think also, she's had a baby, not a nuclear bomb dropped on her head. She might feel that she has but actually, she's had a baby. I mean it is hard - shockingly hard. But it's actually also entirely normal and good and is something that almost every woman on earth goes through.

I'm not a brisk and efficient type of person myself and I certainly made much more drama out of it than was strictly necessary but I don't like the "I've had a baby therefore you must excuse everything" stance. Unless PND in which case all bets are off.

YAB a bit U. You shouldn't expect to be offered tea when you go and see a newborn, you should offer to make it.
To the baby, you are a "stranger", as is everyone who's not its mum. It is preferavble for baby to be held by mum only until bf is established.
The mils shouldn't have picked up baby either.

Kerrymum, exactly.

i think the most important point here is that the GPs WERE allowed to hold the new baby but the OP WASN'T - which is double standards and RUDE.

Just think it probably was rude but always give new parents a break and try not to be too judgy.

Those hormones drive a lot of women a bit up the wall.

It's not that big a deal not to hold a baby, is it? There's plenty of time for all that.

yes but am guessing that the 4 hour journey means the OP doesn't live that close and therefore she won't get too many chances

grandparents shouldn't pick up babies? Huh?

Isn't this all very, very precious?

Glad to see I'm not the only one with the opinion that you ARE being unreasonable. I really think that people forget that babies are just tiny little human beings who may not enjoy being handled. It's not about ahowing him off of letting people coo over him. My ds simply did not enjoy this and it would have been cruel of me to pass him around and make him endure the stress. My house was a dump, my hair was greasey, I was knackered and my baby screamed all the time which totally messed up my confiedence as a mother. I felt like everone was judging me because my baby wasn't happy. The last thing I wanted to do was make a bloody cup of tea. If you wanted a drink, you should have asked if it was OK for you to get one. Even now, my ds is 10 months old and I still hate people pawing over him as he hates it. I still forget to offer people drinks occassionally. It's not being rude it's just being busy.

Meand myJoe. She did offer to make a cup of tea but was told not to.

Thank goodness
There was a very smug attitude of "Well I was OK so she should react in exactly the same way" which now seems to be getting countered. Those kinds of comments are not useful and very hurtful.
Agree with whoever said if she had posted on here - AIBU to ask my SIL not to hold my new baby - she'd get a lot of comments along the lines of "well I don't agree with you but you've just given birth so what you say goes"

stealth, I would never post along those lines actually. Post natal women are also grown adults. Yes it's very emotional. Yes it can be overwhelming. No it's not a good idea to alienate the rest of the family.

sorry, but I agree that the OP should chalk it up to hormones and let it pass but feel free to bitch on here

I'd have been upset if I were you. Travelling four hours with a toddler is FAR more stressful, in my opinion and in my experience, than staying at home with just one newborn with your husband there to help!
I ams sure you wre really looking forward to meeting your new nephew and your child's cousin, and it must have been rather spoiled, especially as you obviously can't pop round regularly, being so far away. It sounds to me as if your SIL doesn't really think of you as family, which is sad. I'd love for my children to have cousins and a caring auntie like you.

Well you arent a stranger, you are the Aunty bask in all your Auntiness...I bet your brother would be a bit pissed off at you being reffered to as a stranger aswell.

Mind you what jimjams says is true. i was talking to my friend this morning who had a baby 2 1/2 weeks ago and her MIl 9who shes loves and gets on with famously) really upset her this weekend and I said to her (in a gentle manner) that maybe she was a little sensitive because I felt the same when my MIl visited when my youngest was 3 weeks. My poor MIl couldnt have said anything right