to think I should have been allowed to hold my new nephew

[milliec]

Message withdrawn

Yes actually you shouldn't forget your manners (said with absolutely no irony and as a mother who suffered from PND and was all over the place, but still managed to be civil)

LOL the Manners maketh the new Mums brigade.oh yes so important at such a monumental time to be seen to do the right thing

Do you want eggs with that chip scottish mummy?

well if one were to ask nicely and with good manners and well throw in a tea.Aye* n put brown sauce on it to

but really you should make it yourself.

should i send a thank you card and fond felicitations for being included in the chip soiree as you too like da chips ands fair dish the vinegar too

Kerrymum, if you read the thread you would see the OP offered to make tea, and offered to do the washing up when told they didn't want anyone to go into the kitchen because it was a bit of a mess!

just wondering if there was any background to this? did you have a falling out with SIL in the past or how were you about her holding your LO?

maybe something has been said/done in the past that's affecting your relationship at this point in time? add to that the hormones and sleep deprivation.

SIL prob doesnt think she did anything wrong and if she was on here posting
"my SIL came round, i really didnt feel up to it but i didnt want to cancel the arrangement, i was really tired/emotional/ hormonal...etc , and just wanted to be close to my baby, SIL got huffy/ was offended....." i think alot of people would be supporting the 'your baby, your choice' brigade and saying that the new mum shouldn't have to do anything she doesn't feel comfortable with.

Yes a gold trimmed one would be appropriate.

I think I would have been slightly miffed too.If I had travelled a long way with a small child, arranged to stay else where and not be a hassle then I would expect to not be ignored, they could have asked you to come a few weeks later if life was hard. Plus you are close family not a random distant relative or friend. Also from your post you did offer to help out so i think you do have a right to be a little fed up since you sound like you were treated like an unwelcome outsider. In my opinion children are the property of the extended family and although they were with in their rights to say baby is little stressed with people she hasn't met yet they should have put it better.

with cyrillic script and scented?

Yes, delivered on a velvet cushion.

babbies and children are autonomous human beings not property. the garden, the bricks and mortar that is property

Velvet??ah now you took that too far

Don't be upset with them, they have no idea they've hurt your feelings!
I remember when my sister had her first baby nine years ago. My mother went to visit the newborn and asked to hold her, my sister asked my mum to please wash her hands before touching the baby!
To which my mum said "Well I've had a very good shower today!" She got so offended.
When the second baby arrived a couple of years later things were different .

Well the OP did say she offered to make tea for everyone, but was told she couldn't because the kitchen wasn't tidy.

That I find bizarre, but my kitchen is always a tip and I never turn down an offer of a cup of tea

But I think the whole thing can be put down to the fact she is a brand new first time mother, and is probably half out of her mind with sleep-deprivation and all the worry that comes with a brand new baby. She probably had no intention of being rude or unkind and probably didn't realise that was how she came across.

So... in imho you are not unreasonable to feel hurt by it, but if it were me I would try to let it go.

maybe property wrong word but definitely part of a bigger thing. Its when your parents die when you are young that you realise this, extended family are so important. In just minor things like a sense of who you are but also with bigger physical practical things. why piss them off if they are trying to welcome your baby into the world.

I am amazed at the amount of people that think it is ok for someone who has been invited to visit and has travelled 4 hours to do so to be refused a cup of tea (even though she offered to make it herself) and to be refused to cuddle her new nephew (even though other people were being allowed to cuddle him).
Both the Mum and Dad were there as well, so no excuse imo. Just damn rude!!!

environmental health would have closed my kitchen down 3wks after baby home
plates, debris etc. can relate to not wanting folk in your kitchen when you are too overwhelmed to clean

I dont get any of this PFB stuff.

What they did was just plain rude and as someone else said, your SIL will come crashing down to earth with a bang when your brother goes back to work.

She should count herself lucky that she has a family that give a crap and want to be a part of their babys life.

people are just funny - "none so queer as folk" - my SIL came down when DD was 1 week old. They stayed in a hotel, but the last thing I wanted was them tidying my house, despite the fact that they offered. Doesn't make me mad, or bad, just alittle at the state of my house and the fact that DH wasn't helping.

Was I wrong in thinking it is the OP's SIL ? I really do think this makes a difference. My sisters know my tidying skills, and would jsut do the washing up, and I wouldn't care if they saw my knickers on the airer.... but I would care if it was my SIL.

Did OP's Brother invite her up? My DH invited his sister, despite me saying I didn't want her to come. It's not that I don't like her, I really do - I just didn't want anyone around.

I also refused to let lots of our friends handle the new baby. I only wanted people to handle her who were going to be a regualr part of her life. Not PFB - she is the 2nd born. just simply my choice. I would rather she develops close bonds and is used to being handled by regaular people than "strangers" - although I would never use that word to people's faces.

YANBU at all...the PFB theory would hold water if it werent for the fact that they let the granparents hold the baby. If they had let no one hold the baby then I guess you can just put it down to PFB but to specifically say YOU couldnt hold the baby is just plain rude.

I dont think they meant you were a stranger...but that you were a stranger to the baby

Everyone who wanted to held my newborns (even PFB) - to me its important that they bond with extended family members as soon as possible, they are after all the people who would take them in if anything happened to us.

What 2point4kids said!