VENT .. are all DH like this??

[Lifestresslifestress]

Venting anonymously and name changed for this.

Is this normal because I’m getting fed up of being the one holding it all together!

We have 3 kids , 8,6 & 2. We have the usual amount of stress in our lives , no huge events and DH’s job is medium stress levels I would say.

On paper he is a good dad, sometimes he is amazing. Loves to take them places and does his fair share of drop offs, pick ups and child/house things. Which he reminds me often 🙄

I work part time and have the kids at home or clubs from school pickup until he is back 6pm ish. Usually he leaves early so he has not seen them all day. He comes home, I get that he’s had a long day, but he has such a short fuse with them and it just feels like he does not want to be around them. They are so excited to see him and he just immediately launches into huffing and puffing about the state of the house, the noise, who left this here , stop messing around etc.

Evenings are chaotic, I get it. But he just wants to rush through to bed time. Very low patience, kicks off for the tiniest things, blames it on being hungry/tired etc. I compensate massively by trying to manage their behaviour , keep things running smoothly and happily and it’s getting me down a bit now. I feel worn down by it and I worry it’s upsetting them too.

AIBU?

Not 'normal' but very common. There are quite a few men who like idea of kids but can't take the reality of them. They should stick to being Uncles.

This is completely my life too OP.

my husband is okay when things are smooth.

if he’s tired, stressed, upset about a friendship or work issue, hungry, hungover, needs a poo… thirsty, a bit bored FFS anything not content then he is emotionally disregulated and horrible to me and the kids

So 99% of the time?

He should make more of an effort but he could be more stressed than you realise or have a health issue. My husband used to be exhausted in the evening until he was diagnosed with diabetes. When he started exercising/losing weight his energy levels increased massively and he was a lot less grumpy. Maybe you could speak to him about how he feels, both mentally and physically, and suggest he see his doctor if he is tired/low.