AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

He’s volunteered to cook his mothers’ favourite meal on mothers’ day and completely ignored the fact that this is your day too. No way should you be clearing up the mess OP.

Look i would not be happy.
And i'd probably make this a hill to die on and I would make it fucking uncomfortable all round Inc for his mother.

I'd take the kids out alone all day and leave him to cook and clean for mummy.

Let him explain why you and the children arent at your mother's day meal.

I'd pack the kids up and take them somewhere great... Paulson park, Chessington, the zoo, willows farm, odds farm...whatever and then go somewhere for a nice meal out you dont have to cook or wash

One day their kids may have their own children, and they may want to spend the day with their own ‘precious mother’, following the example set by their father. I think it’s lovely that he wants to make a fuss of his mother, it’s just a shame he was thoughtless and didn’t discuss it with the OP first.

Surely there is room for both mothers to be celebrated at the same time, with the OP making it clear she’s not doing any clearing up that day. Shame to have all this upset, especially if you get on with her, OP.

It’s the lack of communication and just being presented with a fait accompli that is annoying here. Yes of course your DH should remember his own mother, I don't understand those posters who say that he shouldn’t. No your not his mother but with little ones he has to organise them- even if it’s a bunch of daffs and a home made card from them.

Absolutely not. You need to tell him that as it's your Mother's Day too, you will be sitting with your feet up, chatting to his mum for the day while he and the children and his father do all the chores.

I'm sorry OP, I'd be really upset.
Your DH is being very unkind.

I hate mother's day for various reasons and I'm grateful my DH has offered to do something completely unrelated with the children to distract me.

I think it would be a shame to miss the meal with your MIL and FIL just to score points with DH.

How about a flexi-Mother's Day? Yours is on Saturday, his DM's on Sunday. He cooks for both.

I'm sure he won't forget to ask you before lining up something similar in future!

we get on well and I don’t mind my PIL being here for the day. I am however upset that I wasn’t consulted about any of it and was faced with a fait accompli. It all seems to be about my MIL. It’s as if she is the only Mum being celebrated on the day. I feel this is an important distinction.

Your feelings are completely valid OP and I’d be hurt in your situation too. My DH wouldn’t do that, but he does get preoccupied by work so I’ll usually suggest a trip to the shops the weekend before so the kids can select cards and gifts, just to make sure it happens 😂 and I’ll buy things I like to eat on the food delivery for him to cook for me!

Thank you. That is a great suggestion.
I hope you have a lovely day celebrating.

Thank you, you too.

I agree! Let him celebrate his mum if he wants. You can take the kids out for a nice day out to celebrate you!

Have a great day dh, I'm taking the dc out for lunch...
And bloody mean it.

Thank you.
I am sorry Mother’s Day sounds difficult for you. I hope you have a wonderful day with your DH 💐

Do NOT do any clearing or washing up! That would really be taking the piss...

My DH decided to spend the majority of my first ever Mother's day with his mum. I was relatively new post partum but needless to say I spoke to him afterwards and we haven't had a repeat since

My MIL is no longer with us, she'll still get a bunch of flowers when nothing for me as mum to his DD, different scenario but similar outcome, YANBU OP

I'd be gone for the day. spend some time with your kids and then head out to the cinema/dinner/friends house. Tell dh you really hope they have a lovely dinner. Expect him to clean up after himself.

I have to say I irrationally dislike your dh just based on this post :)

That would really piss me off too.

Fuck that shit. It's mother's day and you're the mother in your house. Do not clear up.

Not on Mother's Day...

Thank you.
I really don’t mind having my MIL and PIL there. I am happy my MIL is being fussed over.
I am however upset that I wasn’t consulted about what I would like to do for the day. And it would have been nice for my husband to think about cooking a dish I particularly like. Instead the menu is entirely centred around my MIL. I am hurt about tge seeming lack of thought for me.

I am so sorry. This sounds hard. Shame you and your MIL can’t be celebrated by your DH. 💐for you. I hope you have a lovely day nevertheless

I would simply point out that as yes your mothers day as well he and the kids can also do the clearing up after you will be putting your feet up all day

I think once you have kids the new parents then become the main focus on mother's/father's day.
Sunday is MY day to WHATEVER I fancy with my kids. Plus absolutely no housework. On a normal days we'd share tasks, but not on mother's day!
My/his mum get to celebrate with us on a different day.
I'd be so upset if my husband did this.