AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

I think all the posters telling OP to go out for the day are crazy and are showing a woeful level of social skills. Going out for the day - especially with the kids, whom the grandparents will want to see - is just asking for a family bust-up. Not to mention marital strain.

OP, I do see why you're annoyed. Your DH should have consulted with you and arranged something that both you and your MIL can enjoy. A meal out would have been better, or tea at a hotel where there's also a spa so you could both have had a treatment before the tea. Having everything just arranged around your MIL with you not part of the equation at all would bother me, too. Wait and see, though. Maybe he's going to get you a spa voucher or something. If not, after the event, tell him that it's your Mother's Day too and in future, can you please plan something together that both you and your MIL would like. Sounds like he needs to know what your expectations are.

Thank you so much for this pragmatic and very diplomatic perspective. I do appreciate it.

It is Mother's Day, so make it clear that you are not doing any clearing up.

NOT on Mother's Day!

But presumably not on Mother’s Day when the meal isn’t even one you want? Really, don’t be a martyr mummy as the other PP said. Nobody ever wants to be told they’re being a martyr because it stings, but take stock of it and nip it in the bud.

I think other than the clearing up it’s fine, you shouldn’t have to do that. We are having PILs over on Sunday, I am cooking.

How old is his mother?
The older she is, the more likely it is to be her last mother's day.
However, he should have asked you about it some time ago.
It feels like he's deliberately announced it late to make it a done deal.
I would let it go this time but I'd ask him for a special meal next weekend at an expensive restaurant for your own special day.

This.

Just enjoy the day and stop looking for drama

I like this suggestion too. Apart from anything else, all the pubs and restaurants near me are really busy for lunchtime on Mother’s Day. You could probably get a booking (if that’s what you want) quite easily the following week.

But not on Mother’s Day :-(
especially when he’s showing you where you are in the pecking order.

I’d suddenly have plans for the day with the dc. Let Dh cook for and have to make conversation with his own parents all day. Eat when you’re out and come home to get ready for bed, so Dh can do all the clearing up.

While my dh would absolutely NEVER do such a thing (he was hesitant about even seeing MIL for a few hours tomorrow, Saturday, but I said actually I’d love a nap so off you go!), he does have a habit of involving me in plans with MIL simply so he doesn’t have to talk to her. When they are together, they mostly just stare at their phones unless I’m there to carry the conversation…so I make myself scarce and make him actually speak to her. 🙄

Go have a lovely day and he can cook and be stuck with them all day.

If your husband does get you a spa voucher, make sure that he organises childcare so that you can actually go.

Don't do that this year. Kids can get him a card. Ignore the day otherwise.

Really hope you do take yourself off out for a treat day on Sunday.

Yes, I understand 💐 I was just responding to quite a few suggestions that you should disappear for the day, but I don't think that would serve any purpose except to upset people!

Hope you have a lovely Mother's Day in your own time, however it suits you. x

Erm, why will you be doing the cleaning up???

Get your DH on line, OP, tell him he is utterly unreasonable and and you'll be going out with the kids so they can help you have fun on THEIR mothers day!

Please don’t clear up, @ChangedUserName2026. That rule cannot apply on Mothers’ Day.

Normally that’s fair enough. However, as it’s Mother’s Day you won’t be doing anything- your husband and children will.

But have you (and he for that matter) forgotten that this is going to be Mother's Day so surely normal rules don't apply? If not, then he's mugging you off.

Tell him ‘and for your Mother’s Day treat, he and the kids can do the clearing up!’.

I think this is as unanimous as it gets 😂

Thank you so much.

She has said she is the mother of his Dc

yep! I mean really OP?? So on Mother's Day he gets to play the wonderful son to his mother with performative cooking involving children so double the mess and you the mother of his children gets to clean it all up??

fuck that

No she shouldnt just put up with this!! Its her day!! I would go out and take the kids and go out for the day and he can stay home with mummy , why would you say another woman has no right to be valued and that a man has a right to put her down!!