AIBU re Mother’s Day

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My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

I would make the same amount of effort for him on Father’s Day that he has made for you. he will hopefully then understand how his actions have hurt you.
my husband is spending the morning with me and our kids, then we are spending the afternoon with our mother’s separately. Not for everyone, but works for us

He is very stubborn.

That’s great on a normal day but this is Mother’s Day - a day to relax and be looked after (if that’s your thing). It doesn’t sound like he’s planned anything special for you so do something for yourself. If you want to stay in then at least kick back and relax, one day of both cooking and cleaning won’t hurt him even if you are usually 50-50.

That sounds lovely. I hope you all have a fantastic day 🤗

How old are your DC?

It’s Mother’s Day, and she is his Mother so of course he should do something nice for her - inviting her for dinner and cooking her favourite meal is a nice thing to do for her.

Your children should do something for you but I get the impression that they are too young to do that? So your time will come in the future when your children are older and they organise something for you themselves.

Your are however entitled to spend the day with your children doing something with them that you love so it wouldn’t be unreasonable to take yourself and your children out to do something nice together and leave DH to look after his parents. Make it clear that DH is to clear everything up and you are doing nothing on your return.

Going out to eat would be a fairer way to celebrate as it is Mother’s Day for both of you, and if DH must have you present too but you might struggle to get a table anywhere now.

Remember that it’s Father’s Day in June and however things turn out be sure to give DH the same treatment that you got when his day comes!

I'd be tempted to hide key ingredients like salt and go out lol

I hope you can get through to him or go out and enjoy the day yourself

The menu choice is fine and I have no problem eating it. These wouldn’t be dishes I would be excited to choose. I am upset at the lack of consultation and consideration. I feel as if I have been blanked out of the day so to speak.

Your husband's a giant asshole to you and you tolerate it. That's really wildly disrespectful to you.

Yes, you cleaning up after his party for his mommy is you doing his maid work. Let him do his own cleanup. You have zero involvement here. You weren't asked or consulted, so he does every single thing.

You leave for the day. If he leaves dirty dishes and that for you, throw them away. It's quitting time.

I’m sure he can cope for one day with both cooking and washing.

This is not on especially if you’ve lost your own mum. You need to be very clear about what you want and make sure you get it. Dh was a bit crap about Mother’s Day but I told him off a few times in the early days and now he dutifully takes the kids to buy presents and books lunch somewhere.

Thank you for posting this as it helps.
indeed my DC are too young to cook.

Is your dad on the scene? I’d ask your husband if for Father’s Day it would be good for him if you had your dad round for the day and cooked a meal that he liked and your husband can clear up. How would he feel about that?

You aren’t blanked out though because you get to clear everything away. Which you don’t mind so you are involved after all.

I think you need to have a word with him.

He can take you and his mumsy out for lunch if he likes.

Otherwise take yourself out to lunch and leave him with the kids, his parents and the clearing up.

Don't do the clearing up. Just don't.

What happened on Mother's Day last year and the year before? I think it's fair enough in any family to centre and celebrate each mum in turn - one person's mum one year, MIL the next year, the mum of the smallkids next (I appreciate and offer sympathy that this isn't exactly how it would be for you due to your own bereavement). All mums deserve to be celebrated occasionally and it's only problematic if your MIL is the centre of attention every year.

DH cooking with the kids is great but he can bloody well ciear up too. DH should make sure the kids bring you chocolate and flowers and breakfast in bed before PIL arrive, and after PIL leave you can take the kids out fir some mum&kids fun while he puts the kitchen back to rights.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 lovely involvement by a thoughtful husband! I would also be going out for the day and not playing kitchen maid when l got back

Sadly my Dad is not around. I would love to spend at least part of Father’s Day with him but it’s not possible. Never mind eh?!

Last year we had a day with just us and I loved it.

Nah, different rules on Mother’s Day. He’s doing everything. And making sure the house is all nice and tidy before his guest(s) shows up. You can ensure this happens by having a long lie in. And then later when it’s time to clear up, locking yourself in the bathroom for a long hot bath while he scurries around sorting it all out.

Its lovely he has a good relationship with his mum and you say you get on with her too. So I wouldn't turn this into some battleground . It is so not worth it. It ends up causing more unhappiness over what in the grand scheme of things is fairly trivial.
Talk to him and say you won't single handily be clearing up as its your day too.
Maybe you are getting breakfast in bed or something special that you don't know about yet.

Because it is Mother’s Day. A wee bit like your bday. Not your normal day

Like hell should you clear up what will no doubt be a bombsite, especially involving kids. Go out for the day and fuck him.

Id he one of those men that says ‘welll you aren’t my mum’ to the mother of his kids? They suck.

Does he do the washing up after his Father’s Day treat meal?

I understand equal division of tasks normally but not for somebody’s birthday meal or mothers/Father’s Day.

It might not be your first choice but enjoy the meal with mil and put your feet up after while the men and kids clear up.

This whole thread is about how I do mind. Respectfully I think you need to have a word with yourself about kicking someone when they are already upset.

When I have cooked for Father’s Day I have always said I would clear up but my DH has always insisted on doing it as a thanks for a lovely meal.