AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

I understand the way you usually share the responsibility for cooking and washing up but I’d leave it to him on Mother’s Day. I’d be tempted to go out. DH didn’t arrange anything to do for my 1st Mother’s Day. I packed baby into car seat and we went out without him.

Nah mums don't do the cleaning up on mother's day. Uts like the one day mums don't clean up after everyone else.

I'd go out for the morning, come back for dinner then go for a bath and read a book in bed. I wouldn't be hosting or cleaning up. Leave him to it.

And reciprocate the effort on fathers day.

Hexmat still bring you breakfast in bed and cards with the kids, you never know

No he has never said that to me

He cooks, his dad clears up.

I see. Thank you for clarifying. I appreciate it.

How nice of you to cook and clean DH.. being it is mothers day..

That or go out OP.. you deserve better

Ha! Now that would be great. Though my FIL is a bit useless when it comes to tidying up. He means well and has the best heart.

I've known a few men who look completely blanked when faced with doing something for the mother of their children on Mother's Day. "But why would I? She's my wife!"
And I always think "For now, pal. For now." 😂

But joking aside, I think if you did something just together last year, then this isn't too bad. MIL is his mum after all, and I don't know her age, but my mum is just about to turn 70 and it's given me quite a jolt that my mother is getting older and time with her and time to show her how appreciated she is, is precious.
Try to go with it, enjoy the day, and if this is important to you, get ahead of it next year and suggest a compromise that you'd be happy with (i.e. splitting the day).

Thank you for such a positive perspective.

Eat the food then take your self off out for a nice stroll.

Then for Father’s Day cook something you fancy.

I am all for a joint Mothers Day celebration, we are having my Mum, and MIL round for the day BUT, it is something we agreed and planned between us and it is about all of us as Mums. The massive issue here is that you have been ignored. Not at all fair, and I think I would be opting out. I'm not surprised you are hurt.

I think you need to declare you won’t be clearing up as you’d like a day off chores as your Mother’s Day treat seeing as he has not planned anything else for you!!

Not on Mothers’ day! You get to do nothing. What did you do last Fathers’ day? Guarantee you made it all about him!

If the dc are old enough, they can clear up, supported by him.

go out for the day with the kids. Leave him with his precious mother. You go and spend the day with your children.

That is what I would do anyway.

Whatever happens I really hope you have a lovely day

Thank you. This is also a great perspective. I am not particularly upset my PIL will be with us on the day. We get on well. I am upset I wasn’t asked what I would like to do on the day and my favourite dishes weren’t considered at all as an option for a meal.

Thank you so much. I truly appreciate this.

Because it's mother's Day so you shouldn't be clearing up.

He sounds really insensitive and inconsiderate. In my opinion, mothers with young children who are actively mothering like you are should take priority on Mothers' Day.

He could have included some of your favourite food on his menu but it's all aimed at pleasing his mother. I'd be really pissed off with him.

Yes DH gets to decide everything on Fathers Day. Sadly DC are too young to help with clearing up at the moment.

I do like a PP’s suggestion that my FIL pitch in though!!

Exactly this. Thank you for verbalising it so well.

YABU OP. You should have said OK you can do MIL's favourite meal and my favourite dessert, then sit with your PIL and enjoy a glass of wine. They won't be around forever cherish the time you have.

Could you suggest that next Sunday is your mother's day? We aren't celebrating this week because our DC are away. So we will do mother's day for me when they're home over Easter.

I wouldn't let it pass.

It's simple, you enjoy the meal cooked, celebrate with your MIL and DO NOT clear up afterwards.

I’d be out of there. Just to prove a point.