AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

Life is short, life is fragile. All celebrate together this year and have a chat about next year. Don’t argue.

Clue is in the title. Mothers day. All mothers from 15 to 110. Not just those mothers who for some reason feel more important because their children are aged under 18.
I also think its for any woman cast in a caring role who for what ever reason may not have children.
Mothers day may be a day of negotiation but if people are grown up about it, it can be a very happy one.

She likes her mother in law and has said thag repeatedly. What she is asking for is to be made to feel a little special herself on Mother’s Day by her husband instead of all his efforts going to his mum, without a thought for the op- she isn’t a big fan of what he’s cooking, and thinks he will expect her to clean up dinner as usual (which she won’t be doing) while their children are too young to do anything their selves. This is apparent to anyone reading the thread. What’s your reason for ignoring all that to just pull out an imaginary scenario that’s been thoroughly contradicted and make a nasty comment to the op based on that?

If you looked closely my comment was to another poster who said she did not tolerate her MIL. Not the OP. I know she likes her mother in law.

But I understand that was unclear. Sorry.

Sorry, I did just read it as another poster wandering on a thread , scanning the opening post and deciding to put the boot in for fun.

Breaking news - you’re always in the thick of it with your children, regardless of their age.

OP has made it very clear that she has no problem with her DH focusing on his mum but he has done this while not considering OP at all. He could have chosen MIL's favourite meal for the main course and OP's favourite dessert for the pudding but everything he has planned is to cater to his mum's preferences and nothing for OP.

OP's mum has died so that will make Mother's Day more difficult and poignment for her and it is unkind of her DH to not consider her at all, particularly when she goes to lots of trouble for him on Father's Day.

@ChangedUserName2026 What did your DH actually cook for the main and dessert, and what would you have liked to have instead, had you been offered a choice??

Very thoughtless of OP’s husband. As PP said he could have done a meal with both their favourite dishes

@ChangedUserName2026 I hope you had a good day 💐

I am so sorry you have also lost your Mum and that MD is painful. Big hugs to you.

We see PIL at least once every two weeks. Lack of contact is not an issue in our family.

How did the day go @ChangedUserName2026

Hi all, firstly apologies for the slow update; I’ve been making my way through all your posts!

Thank you so much for all the thoughts and advice, it’s really appreciated. I hope I have acknowledged every post (I am scrolling on a mobile so may have inadvertently missed one or two).

On the day itself, my DC woke me up with cuddles and the lovely cards they’d made at school/nursery, and we all had breakfast together as a family. At that point DH asked what I wanted to do for the day… which did feel a bit late! I was tempted to say I wanted to go out for lunch!

In the end though we had a nice lunch with PIL. I am a family person at heart and do love celebrating special days together. DH and DC had clearly made a big effort with the preparation. Arancini, lasagne and tiramisu aren’t actually my favourites, but I appreciated the effort that went into these dishes.

And for the record, I didn’t do any cleaning at all. DH did all the cooking, hosting and tidying.

Later in the evening DH and I had a chat over a glass of wine and I explained that I’d felt completely left out of the plans and that I was not happy about it at all. As a result we’re going to have a fun day out next weekend with DC which I am looking forward to. We have also agreed on some ground rules going forward.

I’m glad I waited until after the event to say anything on this occasion, as I think raising it earlier might have spoiled MD for DC and MIL in particular.

As I said before, I tend to reflect and take a bit of time before deciding how to approach things. I don’t think that makes me a “burning martyr” or a “doormat”, as some posters suggested (unkindly, I felt!).

I hope everyone who celebrates MD had a lovely day, and that those who find it a difficult day are as alright as possible.

Thanks again everyone.

I’m glad you had an enjoyable Mother’s Day and have had a chat with your DH about how to move forward. Please just ensure that for the next significant event that this doesn’t happen again. I lost track of how many times I discussed things with DP for the same or similar to happen again.
have a lovely day out at the weekend.

I think you've handled it brilliantly @ChangedUserName2026 well done.

Also, for many mums, their children go straight from the "too young to do much unsupported, it's all arranged by your DP/DH really" to the teenage years of grumpy can't-be-bothered where you might get a card if you're lucky, which merge seamlessly in to the oblivion of the 20s where they are too busy to notice that it's mothers day. It's only once they have kids of their own that they really start appreciating what a brilliant mum you have been and have the emotional maturity to express it (and with any luck the budget too!)

Glad you had a nice day and managed to get your feelings heard.
I'd have loved that feast!

Does nobody remember that Mothering Sunday is a religious thing? Servants got that day off to go to the church they were baptised in (mother church) & likely get to have lunch with their actual mother.
This is another thing that has been blown up expectations totally out of proportion & was never a thing when I was a child.
I got a text from my DD & nothing from my son which is absolutely fine. They do plenty of favours for me all year round.

Your whole update screams at how you have grown as a woman, mother, daughter, wife

We accept compromise

We accept nothing is perfect

We accept that those we love will do their best ( no matter how far off the mark )

I love that you rolled with the day, but were able to voice you wants afterwards, so their efforts were not belittled, and you are still heard

Brilliant xx

So patronising....