AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

Out of this crappy website

It's one day! My mum hated mother's day! She always said she'd prefer to be loved and treated any other time of the year when things weren't overpriced and presents were generally a load of tat! We always waited for the following weekend to spoil her but she was very strict about us showing her love and support every day of the year as only doing it once a year is pretty pointless!
Get your husband and kids to maybe make you breakfast in bed or to organise something for next weekend! As I found out quite suddenly 2 years ago that our mother's aren't around for ever so days like mother's day and birthdays are more important as they get older!
Anyway mother's day is only an advertising ploy to get us to spend more money!
Be grateful you have kids that love you and a husband who loves his Mum!

But she has a husband who’s shrugged about doing anything for Mother’s Day when the op does not hate Mother’s Day and Asked. Him. What. About. Her. What is there to be grateful in that??? Your comment is like if you hate stroganoff and your dh cooks you stroganoff because his mum likes it, and someone else comes along and says I love stroganoff, lots of people do, so you should be grateful he’s made it for you and it shows he loves you!! It doesn’t, he isn’t showing he loves you, and you should not be in any way grateful for that stroganoff. It shows your dh doesn’t care about you very much.

BYYYYEEEE!!!!!

This is how I feel. I cannot get the palaver over mother’s day. If I am having a meal handed to me either at home or out and I get a card and maybe chocs, that is enough. The focus tends to be on our mothers who are still alive, and I’m ok with that.

It is having the day noted that counts, not this ridiculous insistence that I shouldn’t so much as lift a cup or put on a wash!

In saying that the OP should expect a card or some acknowledgment that it’s mother’s day from her kids or DH. I’m at the point now where teens don’t get up and the dog is the only one greeting me on mother’s day morning

No you won’t! Why on earth would you be doing the clearing up?

Please go out with little one even if it’s to the shops and do a walk about. For me I wouldn’t accept this behaviour. I however do not tolerate my MIL. But no Mother’s Day is to have a day all about you and feel appreciated. Spend some one on one time with your little one and enjoy YOUR day not someone else’s.

Do you have a reason for not tolerating your MIL or is it because she dares to exist?

We always “do” Mother’s Day in that we go out of food, I get cards, a gift, flowers etc. but really I don’t particularly care about it, it’s just become something to do.

If you’re the sort of person that feels it’s important then I sort of get your point of view.

Omg the replies on here.....some people really are batshit.

Your husbands indifference is not ok.

However, I have brothers with wives and children and they've always felt a bit - rock and hard place with this one. They both settled into an arrangement where they take our Mum out for lunch. Their wives take their own Mum out with the kids. This seems to work for them all.

I think get through today and from now on - every year for Mother's day organise something for you and your DC - a fun day out. Theatre tickets, bowling, ice skating, trip to the beach - whatever the thing is that will make memories and bring you both joy.

Because you mentioned something earlier about you not wanting your DC growing up thinking it was ok to ignore you.

If you make mothers day a really fun day for you both then they'll grow up and will pick the baton up on it. It means putting in graft now to plan and organise but these years go fast and soon enough they'll be 11yrs or 12yrs and suggesting their own ideas. Then they'll be teenagers, and then in their early 20s and you'll have set the precedent for weekends away/ spa day and all the fun stuff!

Leave your DH to continue to plan for his Mum and do what he wants on that day with her and if he's taken aback by you planning something seperate - say - your Mum has her son for mothers day, I'm spending time with my DC, she's not my mother afterall.

You don't need to be angry or spiteful - it's just a fact. Leave the house with a big smile and wave - see you later, have fun, give my love to your Mum. Then go make memories with your DC ;-)

Not rtwt but I'm a great believer in matching the energy. So, your 'd'h doesn't take you into consideration at all on Mother's Day, therefore you mirror this on Father's Day. Stop making it all about his preferences and focus a bit more on what you feel like doing.

I actually think it's nice that he's doing something nice for his mum and I do get the view that on this day he should prioritise his mum. But, he also has to facilitate his children prioritising you, because that's the deal when kids are too little to do this themselves. He is being a massive dick in not agreeing plans with you in advance.

I am petty (but also not a pushover) and I would be inclined to take my kids out for the day and not tell him in advance.

If you do the washing up then frankly you deserve everything you get!

For one day I’m sure the sharing of tasks can be forgotten about. He wanted to host his mum on Mother’s Day (fair enough, my husband is doing that for his mum) but the he can clean up as it was his choice to invite her. Surely you can take the same approach

But MIL is still his mum?!

I think that's really shitty of him. He's roped YOUR kids into treating HIS parents, ignoring you completely - on your day. Absolutely arsey behaviour.
Announce to them all that you're going to celebrate with your children. Take yourself off with the kids straight after lunch and go somewhere nice, ending with tea and cakes. Make it clear you expect the kitchen to be clean when you get back.
Even better, take the kids out over lunch if that won't upset the kids too much.

I don't celebrate MD either and don't have a MIL or mother anymore but it's important to OP that she is celebrated by her H and kids (as well as her MIL). It doesn't matter whether you or I couldn't care less about MD.

That’s not really my point. I say that it should be noted but I genuinely don’t understand the OP kicking off about the day being focused more on her MIL (her father’s mother!) than her.

The OP will have dinner cooked and I am guessing that she won’t clean up so maybe that is a nice day?

It’s hard to expect that Mother’s day will be all about you when DMs and MILs are still alive

We’re hosting the in laws for lunch. DH is preparing that and I made a dessert last night. I’m now having a relaxing bath and ignoring the prep going on. Later the kids will cook a light dinner for me. There’s room to do both.

Maybe on a normal day OP!! But bloody hell, raise your expectations here…the blokes and kids can do the clearing up! You and your MIL can go out somewhere…or just enjoy a cup of tea in the living room.

Is this case you don't have to clear up to say thanks as the meal isn't for you. The very least he can do for you on Mother's Day is not give you additional work, and that's a bar so low it's on the ground!

"Mother’s day will be all about you when DMs and MILs are still alive"

OP had made it clear - again and again and again and again and again - that she wants the day to be about her MIL AND her. She loves her MIL. But OP also wants to be celebrated. That's important to her.

But her H doesn't care what is important to his wife. THAT is the entire issue here. It's not about MD, in fact.

Go out somewhere nice with your kids, it’s Mother’s Day.
His plan might be to have dinner with his mum but that doesn’t need to be yours.

I don’t make a big deal out of Mothers Day at all.

My children get me a few cards and some little gifts and I’m happy with that.

My husband lost his mum time cancer 6 years ago (very, very unexpectedly and only 10 days after she was first admitted to hospital) and so Mother’s Day is an extremely difficult day for him. I would never prioritise my need to be “fawned over” above the grief and pain that he is forced to live through again on this day every year.

People forget that Mother’s Day is an extremely painful and difficult day for a lot of people in the world for a whole host of reasons. I have no idea why the day is needed….. Mothers should know they are loved and feel loved on a day to day basis, not just because they are given a card as a result of someone deciding to allocate a day to celebrate Mothers and therefore empty gestures must be made.

I care more about all the people out there for whom Mother’s Day causes them pain and heartbreak than I care about what gifts and presents I get.

my adult dc still come and spoil me on Mother’s Day. However if I am blessed with grandbabies I will make sure my dds get the day they want. It should be about mothers and their young children.

@ChangedUserName2026 hope you had a nice meal and go treated to breakfast in bed this am

as your kids get older they will hopefully do stuff on their own steam

my dd8 spoilt me today with a homemade card - flowers - chocolates - candle - shower gel an a cuddly toy which I love

she was so chuffed decorating the living room for me this am while I ate the Breakfast in bed she made me - brioche and grapes bless her

hope all mummies had a lovely day and we should be shown /told more then once on MD 💐💐

Really? Mother's day surely is about the mothers of children who are in the thick of it. If you're old enough to have grand children, you've had your time / fair share of mothers' days because you're unlikely to still be on active "mother" duty on a daily basis.
I find odd the idea of expecting visits from adult children.