AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

If your kids are anything like your husband, you know they will be just as appreciative of you when they have their own families!

take it on the chin this one this time only. You are not unreasonable and he should have checked with you! But long term hopefully your kids will be like him and remember to spoil you like he is spoiling his mum.

If your husband wants to make this day about who is directly the person's mother, not the mother in the family unit, I would take my children out for a really special trip, give them a budget each, and tell them here is some money to buy mummy presents on mother's day. Then direct them to what you want. Kids love buying presents for those they love, you teach them how to treat people on special occasions and you get a lovely bonding time. I'd probably book an overnight stay somewhere if I could afford it too with my kids.

I would be fuming with the lack of engagement.

My husband is working today or we would have went to see both of our mums today but due to his work we will need to go and see them tomorrow. I don’t mind this, I love my mum and get on fine with his but it’s not a relaxing Mother’s Day for me so I just told my husband I was pausing my day and would be celebrating it next week. 😂

Perhaps suggest to yours that due to him centring his mum tomorrow you’ll take your turn another day.

OP if this makes you feel a sense of peace - I actually think Mother’s Day is for those who have completed the race, as it were. I much prefer spoiling DM and DMIL than insisting my (young) children make a fuss of me. As adults, me and DH fully understand WHY we are celebrating our mums whereas my kids don’t really get it yet. So actually, I’ll get some cute homemade cards from my (mostly still incredibly selfish) young kids. But really, my DH and me are celebrating our mums as they COMPLETED THE ASSIGNMENT and have produced some relatively well functioning adult children. Hopefully one day my adult children will do the same and say ‘you know what mum, you did a bloody good job’ and that wierdly feel way more meaningful than my little love-parasites telling me they love me because I basically surrender my every need to their every whim (love them painfully as I do)

Honestly this is the part that stood out for me. Nice that he wants to do something for his mum on mothers day, but the wider issue is that, as OP admitted, she always gets last place prize, and not just now, either. I just couldn't put up with it.

Its not about Mother's day, its about the fact hes making her feel (or at least i would feel) like shes unimportant. Asking her to go out and get his mum something shows his thoughtlessness. Asking her to get herself something instead of making an ounce of effort to bother, when hes already arranged a dinner not for her, would be the nail in the coffin for me.

And I know, he probably would of gone out and bought her some crappy cup and a bunch of flowers. But even that is better than 'go fetch something for my mum, oh, and you too, I guess'.

I like this comment. I agree completely, I dont expect a fuss on mothers day, but was delighted my son decided to make me a card this year. Had me smiling for ages and does everytime I pass it. This is the third post ive found myself bringing it up on cos im so delighted lol.

I too prefer to fuss over my own DM because she has, as you said, completed her job. And excels as a grandma every single day, I admire her. I dont like the thought of pushing my kids to do something for me, especially since they were always too young to understand. I did expect/hope for my ex-H to make a fuss given i birthed his two kids, however. I think thats why OP is hurt really, it feels hes making a big fuss of his own mum (as he should), but doesnt seem to be bothered about the mother of his own kids, causing her to feel a bit forgotten/less important. That, coupled with the fact she feels he always puts others needs before her own, would be really hurtful.

This is a lovely way of looking at it.

I’m hoping for a cup of tea in bed tomorrow, and maybe if I’m lucky our son will give us something that resembles an easy day.

He’s got absolutely no clue what Mother’s Day is, and whilst he did make a card at school, really his TA will have made it and I’m not her mum.

I don’t think he’ll appreciate me anymore tomorrow than he does today, even if I do make the best cheese sandwiches. 😂

Do Grandparents just stop being parents?

Why will you? Just tell him to?

Just say that doesn’t happen on Mother’s Day. Problem solved.

Please remember this come father's day.
Very unfair of him I wouldn't be happy . Hope your children spoil you though

One should celebrate both completed mums and the ones on the way to completion.

It's not a zero-sum game: celebrating younger mothers does not detract from the celebration of older ones.

There is no competition here, and OP has made it AMPLY clear in practically ALL her posts that she loves her MIL and thinks she should be celebrated too. What irks OP is that her H thinks the only person who should be prioritised on this day is his mother.

That is not OK.

Mothering Sunday seems to make some women , unkind , self important , and selfish.
Having young children does not mean you score higher than older mothers. A mother is a mother .
When I had young children I happily accepted the burnt toast offering and battered paint smeared card and then cooked lunch or took my mother and mother in law out for a meal or tea. I was a grown up who could fully appreciate my mother rather than needing to be treated like a princess by the father of my children.
If your children see you treating your older relations with care then they will do the same in the years to come.

This was a hill I was not gonna die on. DH total mummy's boy but I really like to spoil my mum so over last few years for our daughters sake we have slightly compromised. As long as I get breakfast in bed and flowers I am happy. Our parents then come round for afternoon tea where M&S do most of it tbh but part of the deal is that DH cleans the house whilst I sit with a glass of bubbly and read my book. My mum and MIL get spoiled and I dont have to cook or clean. A win in my book.

WTF would you be doing the cleaning up?

She definitely is!

OP appears to be happy to play the burning martyr.

Can't fil wash a dish or is he one of those men who thinks it's a women's job to clear up.. hubby can cook and clean up.
You go out and do whatever you want to do tell him in case you hadn't noticed I'm a mum too and I'm pissed off that you don't recognise my feelings in this situation.
Put your foot down you are important aswell.

But you aren't getting a lovely meal cooked for you - his mother is

Have breakfast with your kids then go out on your own and leave him to it - he can look after the kids, cook, clean up and host

Totally get it. My hubby said this week after being reminded by his sister that we've been invited round for a take away at his mums and if I don't go then he will get it in the neck which has made me so sad all week l. I also know my present is just random crap from asda on his way home today

Why would you even think of doing this? Its so very childish. You would only cause huge upset and unhappiness for everyone and that includes yourself.

OP isn’t getting gruel, she does also get a cooked meal from her husband, even if it is his mums favourite.

Who would it upset? If this were me, I would be upset at the meal knowing I had given this man children and I wasn't even an after thought on mother's day - I was only at the meal as I lived in the house and I was expected to clean up afterwards.
Husband won't care as he only cares about his mum - his mum is being treated like a queen so she'll be fine - kids are too young to understand or care.

Well I think differently to you. She is married to a man who cares about his mother. That does not mean he does not love his wife. Of course he would be extremely upset if she walked out on lunch. Thats a pretty huge thing to do. She says she gets on well with her MIL. I imagine MIL would be horrified that her son's "gift " to her would cause her DIL to walk out of the house. The children as young as they are are will miss their mum . A whole day ruined and probably the next few days or weeks because all the OPs husband .did was to make a poor decision ( in his wife's opinion)
Its just a day.
If you have a happy marriage why cause so much upset because its labelled Mother's day. Its so petty.

Does it really matter