AIBU re Mother’s Day

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My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

Seconded! Your poor mum!

Maybe he should make it a joint celebration of you both? His mum’s favourite main course and your favourite dessert? Then he cleans up with his father’s help and the kids of they’re old enough. You and your MIL can enjoy being waited on for a change and some nice flowers for you both too?

Whilst we both have moments where we irritate each other, my MIL is my ally. I find it helpful to lean into these situations by recognising her importance not just to my husband, but to me and my children. She’s not my competition and we don’t score points for who gets more of DH’s attention. Instead of cutting her out, bring her in closer.

Sounds bad. Unless she's insisted? Doesn't she like going out or being cooked for?

My ExH used to embarrass his parents like this, his father especially.

It was a strange dynamic that wasn’t apparent before DC.

You've got your 79 year old mom cooking for at least 7 on Mother's Day.

At least your dad will wash up.

You guys just sit there like logs being waited on?

Damn.

Thirded

one day a year an she’s cooking - not only for you and your dad /her hubby. And your brother /her son

I feel for her

I hope to be this mum when I’m 79. I love having my family together. As your kids get older, those times become more precious, so their giving up their time is what I appreciate the most. I’m a good cook and know what tastes good and can be prepared ahead, so minimal input and clearing away needed at the mealtime. We also have a dishwasher to take the strain on the washing up. And my kids will stack that without being asked.

I don’t feel enthused at all about the prospect of being taken out on Mother’s Day. I don’t feel badly done to cooking for my family on Mother’s Day. That doesn’t make my family bad or inconsiderate.

My mum is this mum.

Shes 65, so not quite 79, but she’s cooking tomorrow. She’ll have my sister and her family, and my brother and his - 11 people in total.

Our household of 3 are too far away to benefit from her Sunday dinner, but if we weren’t she’d happily have all 14!

@SleeplessInWherever Your mum sounds like someone to aspire to. I have no doubt you’ll have a lovely time together and she’ll feel totally appreciated.

It’s just what we’ve always done (as our birthdays always fall close to Mothering Sunday), I’ve never really thought about it, she just seems pleased we’re all getting together and celebrating.

I don’t think we’ll just be sitting around waiting to be fed, my brother and his partner will be running around after my niece trying to stop her destroying the house and looking after my nephew who has Downs and needs a lot of attention. I will be preparing the pre-lunch nibbles and also trying to keep my niece out of trouble

I think this is how my mother feels. She cooks an amazing roast and none of us could match it. There may not be that many more years she’s up to doing it.

Glad to get some reassurance that maybe she’s not just a totally put upon martyr and us all lazy ungrateful monsters!

thank you, she most definitely is. She’s also delivering a sermon in church in the morning so it’s going to be a busy day - she’s amazing!

Oh sorry just realised that wasn’t aimed at me 😆 but my mum is also someone to aspire to

Your husband is being a very good role model for your children. Make a fuss of MIL. You can’t imagine how dreadful it can be when, as an older woman, none of your children or grandchildren bother to even send you a message on Morher’s day.

So inform him tomorrow morning as you are heading out that you are spending mother's day out with your mum with your kids, and off you go! He could hardly argue as that way everyone is with their own mother!! Be sure to go somewhere that does your favourite meal.

If he always puts other people before you, this is the last mother's day I would be spending as his wife.

Her mum is dead

It will be mother's day so you're exempt from clearing up. Leave husband and DC if their old enough to help to clear up.

Why do people need to be exempt from things because it's Mother's Day?

Take the children out somewhere. It's Mothers day not MILs or Granny day. Leave your husband to it with his parents and that includes the washing up. That's not suggesting being spiteful but you're a mother too and if your husband is fixated on his mother, he needs to figure out how it will work for you. Don't tell him what you're doing just give a bit back of what he's done so he knows how it feels. Nothing wrong with him wanting to do something nice for Mothers day but he needs to learn to appreciate you a little more and consider your feelings.

I did say that I don't think this is just about Mothers Day

Because it would be so fun wandering about on your own when everyones out for Mother's day, meeting for lunch etc. 🙄
Why not be grown up and enjoy a lovely meal together with family, who cares what the food is, its about being together 2 generations of mothers at the table getting all the attention and treats. Honestly so petty

Just like to say, agreed. We always put my mum and MIL first on Mother’s Day. I don’t think it’s an awful thing to do that although I do think your DH’s negotiation skills are lacking.
Another year suggest he takes MIL out for coffee or similar and then spends the rest of the day with you and the children.
Or indeed, sees her on the Saturday.

I think I’d be tempted to pop out tonight, go and buy a foot spa some face masks and any other pampering things.
then you both sit there, feet up. Unable to move whilst your both waited on