AIBU re Mother’s Day

[ChangedUserName2026]

My DH has always been very close to his mum (my MIL). To be fair, I actually get on well with her.

However, today he casually announced that he’s invited his parents over for Mother’s Day and will be cooking her favourite meal and dessert to celebrate. He didn’t ask me beforehand, just informed me.

I can’t help feeling a bit put out. I’m his wife and the mother of his DC, so I’d have thought Mother’s Day might involve at least asking what I’d like to do, or doing something that I’d enjoy too.

Instead, it seems I’ll be hosting my PIL and eating my MIL’s favourite meal.

DH does have form for putting other people (especially MIL) before me, which probably doesn’t help with how this feels.

AIBU for being annoyed about this? Or am I being a bit of a precious princess? My friends think DH is being a bit of a d@ck and have validated my feelings, but curious what MN thinks.

A little bit yes when you dont get on with his sister and it will be q painful experience as he knows. It would just be nice to be considered once. I lost my mum young so dont have my own.

Seriously. Do women need to be validated by Mothers Day? Does it matter that much. Fuck me I don't have kids but if I wanted a bunch of flowers or some perfume -I would buy it myself

The face she states that he has form for putting her last and shrugging when she asked what he was doing for her doesn't sound like the happiest marriage - I guess if you are always treated poorly you should expect it and just put up with it on Mother's Day too

Im sorry about that but you don't need flowers or a meal to know how great you are. If your partner needs reminding-hes the issue

You should be considered every day

No, it doesn’t matter that much.

I’d eat the takeaway, enjoy the cooked lunch, and get the same satisfaction from being a mum as I do on Mondays, or Thursdays.

If they are the household waitress/chef/home organiser/taxi/personal shopper and they do all the bedtime routines (not me, but for some women this is their life) and they are getting up in the night with babies, toddlers and then primary kids with night terrors then yes, they do appreciate an acknowledgement of that once a year.

I understand he wants to do something for his mum, it is awkward with so many mums in the mix across households but, he hasn’t even considered you or what you want to do. Had he said I’m thinking of inviting mum over what do you think? You’d probably have been all for it but he hasn’t and doesn’t seem to care.
personally I’d be mad and I wouldn’t let it upset my day. Let him invite her, let him cook the meal and when she’s there say isn’t it lovely how he’s thought to treat us both by doing the cooking and clearing up while we go for a leisurely walk.
show him up and when Father’s Day arrives take yourself off out for the day

My wee brother left a very toxic relationship a couple of years ago. I remember my mum saying to me when they had just split up that he used to buy her wine and flowers -all the time. She had kid's (not his)

The issue is -if you feel like you are being taken for granted -say something!

It should not just be once a year.

I grew up with no dad for context

Of course it should be all year round but for some mums it's never because they're taken for granted. A card and some flowers on one day softens the blow a bit.

No one needs to tell me what some women do. My dad fucked off out of my life when I was was three. She doesn't bother with Mother's Day but she does things for me all year round and vice versa. I saw her yesterday. I gave her wine and chocolate. Just because

We are both busy tomorrow. Both doing degrees online. My brother will see her tomorrow but he sees her every week

My issue is. Women should not need token gestures. They should be appreciated daily -just look at the women on here who are Hurt. Who needs that?

You appreciate someone -do it all year round -both ways

At least insist on breakfast in bed! I can only dream of that - I'm working tomorrow!

And these holidays can be tough. Like Fathers day -the one who walked out on me when I was three? That one? The one who let my mum struggle and who has another son he does care for

I found out that I had a brother who knows nothing of me by reading a newspaper article

So I stand by this. Tell someone you love them all year round -not just on a day where some people end upset and disappointed. That's all

No one should be taken for granted and if they are -they are in the wrong relationship. That's for sure

But you said women should just buy their own flowers and perfume. I don't understand? Your post was questioning why some women feel validated by it, and it whether it matters, and I am telling you that to some women it does.

An ex of mine once gave me a 99p card for my Christmas present. This is it. Don't settle -if someone can't be bothered all year round -why the fuck are you with them?

Also flowers -most of them aren't ethically grown.

No no. Flowers and a card should not soften the the blow on a mediocre relationship

No. You are telling me that it's ok to get a card and flowers to make up for being taken for granted the rest of the year. It's not ok

So are we supposed to buy our own gifts or not? You talk absolute nonsense. And your first post was absolutely saying mums make a fuss over Mother's Day for nothing. Now you're saying don't settle? For what? How can one not settle for no nice gestures but also only organise their own?!

Ah right. So you are nit picking me because I bought my mum wine
My mum is single. I'm single. Does that give context. Neither of us are sitting waiting for a man to give us flowers

Ps. I almost lost my mum to cancer in 2017. So I'll buy her wine any day I like

You're nit picking now -Im off

My family don't do gestures on certain days for a reason. We've lost people to suicide and my grans brother was killed in a car smash-maybe that gives context as to why we don't wait till holidays to do gestures

I bought my uncles Christmas present the same day he killed himself

HTH

What are you on about? I don't give a shit if you bought your mum wine on a random Friday. We're talking about MOTHER'S DAY. Where have I mentioned a man? Not once. There might be a hypothetical mum of three teenage girls reading this thread who gets sod all but you're saying she should buy her own stuff she wants and "fuck me" why does she need to feel validated by Mother's Day.

Your family history isn't relevant. Shall I list the family members I lost in 3 months a few years ago, ranging in age from 21 to 70? Will that add to my argument? No.

Like here. Yes it does matter to this poster. Don't be dismissive and cruel.

Like you telling me it didn't matter that I bought my uncle a Christmas present the day he drowned himself. Or that my grans brother dying in a car smash doesn't matter. Or my grans brother who killed himself or my bampy who died of cancer

It matters. Because you tell people you care every day. Got it! Not Just on the hallmark holidays -because you never know the minute

Dismissive and cruel. Right back at you

Aye. Three teenage girls. Right you are

As if. Clown 🤡