The hatred and venom on here is too much

[femaleofsubstance]

This site used to be light relief anf fun. The odd bitchy thread but on the most part was fun to read and made me smile.

It's become so emotionally toxic and down right nasty. Thead after thread of micro aggresion.
Too much for me, i feel so drained after just 15 mins.
Just why?

but micro agressions and venom/hatred are 2 different things, surely?

You see, you have already managed to create a disagreement!

Go into settings and hide AIBU, baby names and the feminist boards - that'll help.

Micro aggressions?

Oh no!

A lot of it is just posters shouting their point, they don't actually read the thread as the only thing they are interested in is what they have to say, which of course is always right.

I've seen some posts like that, usually when the OP has a 99% unreasonable post. I don't post unless I know I'm in a mentally strong place 🤣 But I've also seen some lovely ones recently with lots of support for the OP so its swings and roundabouts I think?

So everyone has to simply agree with you? That statement you just made is downright infuriating. It's just the worst kind of twisting things people say. If it's all too much for you though and you can't cope with robust debate and want to live in an echo chamber, then maybe look elsewhere.

If I don't aggressively call out thick people on the internet then what's the point of the Internet at all?

@femaleofsubstance completely agree with you and it’s sad. I joined about 15 years ago and my first hesitant post was in AIBU (I had lurked for a while). I received so many supportive replies. Nobody picked me up on the minuscule detail or interrogated me as to the reasons why the situation had come about - they answered the question.

<awaits #bekind>

A few weeks ago, I was on a socia media page for a CIC which campaigns against people being bullied online via social media. There were comments on there by adults bullying other adults for simply having a very slight difference of opinion (everyone wants people to be safer online regardless of the how, why, what and when's)

The CIC won't even moderate their own social media page yet they're campaigning for better moderation online 🫠

My point is - it isn't just Mumsnet, it's the whole internet.

The world is very hateful at the moment.

Edited because I was rambling on 🤣

@Bokeitup i don't use Mumsnet for robust debate. That is what it has become.
It used to have an 80% funny tone.

There are threads that turn into a pile-on, and yes, they can turn toxic. But there are wonderfully supportive ones too. Some are mostly submissive with a few sticking the boot in.

You need to curate your interface as suggested upthread

Do people think there’s only be kind or argumentative, needlessly belligerent posts? There is a middle ground.

Like - ‘yeah, I do think you were being unreasonably to be honest as ultimately our children’s behaviour is our responsibility, even when it’s hard to manage.’ That’s direct and not especially #bekind but it also doesn’t dramatically say ‘this is what’s wrong with the world today, lazy mothers and feral youth.’

One is direct, the other is personal.

It's all nitpick nitpick nitpick and put downs

"I have a child who is nearly 13 and broke their leg the school wants them in but its a complex break and they are in extreme pain help me word a polite but firm email please i dont want to be "that parent"

And you get

How old is the child?
You said nearly 13 do you mean 12?
When is the birthday there is a HUGE difference between just turned 12 and 13
You signed a CONTRACT with the school you know
It's a broken leg its not serious
A broken leg? My aunts sisters brothers cousin broke there leg went to school and DIED
Too late your already "that parent"
Im sure the school have far more experience with broken legs than you
You sound precious cut the cord already
Your raising a snowflake

I could go on but im finding it far too easy

I think it's just as aggressive as it's always been but what gets on my nerves is people constantly looking for some kind of gotcha. Asking completely irrelevant questions just trying to dig for any piece of information they can attack the OP over.

I totally agree with you.
There are some posters on here who seem to only lurk until they can type something rude/spiteful/disrespectful to a complete stranger and for what? To make themselves feel better?

I copped for a bitchy remark last week and it affected me way more than it should have done and unfortunately I ignored my own rule and I reacted - she responded but I never bothered to read her response.
Thing was I've been battling some really hard emotional stuff for months, including suicidal thoughts and last week was an awful week at best, starting with a random builder phoning me and shouting abuse at me and leaving me equally nasty voicemails all because I'd already found someone to do the job who'd responded to my advert first and then the week just carried on with drama after drama, so she really caught me at my lowest point.

Obviously this week, I see it for what it was - a silly and judgemental remark that should have just washed off my back - online as a whole has become a LOT more toxic.

"You said nearly 13 do you mean 12?"

Really got me me laughing in terms of pointless pettiness.

Well done Columbo, that's a serious gotcha.

I have taken many breaks from MN in the past as it can be a not so nice space. I usually come crawling back though as I do enjoy it on the whole.

Hiding aibu is a good shout or just having a break.

Well then just use the sections of the site that interest you and ignore the rest. How hard can it be <micro-aggression>.

The best thing to do, then, is to hide all the fora with potential for robust debate and read only those which might be suitable for you

For someone who doesn't like robust debate I'm surprised you didn't simply do ^^

Instead you posted a discussion topic which is likely to cause robust debate

Hmmm 🤣

which is hardly venom and hatred.

Or is the problem that you don't like it when people don't agree with you?

Welll, forums have always been a bit like this. But, I think people, unhappy with their own lives, often get stressed and stroppy online.

There are plenty of of posts from happy people though. 😊

I've see quite a few threads where the OP posts something obviously Unreasonable in AIBU, they don't get the answer they want and accuse everyone else of 'piling on'. Disagreeing with the OP isn't a 'pile on'.