The hatred and venom on here is too much

[femaleofsubstance]

This site used to be light relief anf fun. The odd bitchy thread but on the most part was fun to read and made me smile.

It's become so emotionally toxic and down right nasty. Thead after thread of micro aggresion.
Too much for me, i feel so drained after just 15 mins.
Just why?

This 💯. For women, there is always the fear that the man chatting her up will want to take it further, and then not take no for an answer. Men don’t have to worry about that at all.

People should be pulled up for it and criticised, otherwise we'll eventually lose the ability to communicate due to nobody being able to decipher anyone else's lazy drivel.

Well I'm glad MNHQ disagrees and will always delete posts that 'pull up' and 'criticise' for this sort of thing, especially when it's clear what that person is saying.

And you being a pedant is no-one else's problem.

It's your responsibility to either stop badgering people or stay off the internet.

you can report those though, "not in the spirit" and all that. And if enough people do that and MN spot a pattern they will have words.

Thank you for this! I used to love Pedants corner (but would only ever discuss errors on there not on separate threads) but had a brain injury which has affected my cognitive function. Posters like this are why I feel the need to state this on my posts to explain before I get “pulled up and critisised”.

imagine going from being a grammar pedant in your head, to then looking at your own typing and seeing “Pedants corner” and not being sure where the apostrophe should be (if at all) and whether it should be “affected” or “effected”. Is “separate” spelt right? It’s fucking shit. I don’t like censorship really but now report smug
Patronising unpleasant correction posts now as it’s genuinely upsetting, esp on a thread which is fuck all to do with spag.

It’s genuinely quite a hard decision though. Report in case they upset someone else, or leave it up so posters can see what a twat the poster is? Tricky.

I'm sorry to hear that

It does genuinely put women off posting on MN for advice when they see others being 'pulled up' and 'criticised'.

I've advised women I know to post here about relationship issues including DV, only to be told 'Not on your life' for this reason.

The problem is they'll just name change anyway.

If we weren't allowed to name change (and I fully get why we can) people would have to 'own their words' on every thread, which would probably lead them to being less twattish.

I’ve reported posts up to 4 times in the past before they got deleted. I was clear about why they should be deleted, but having to repeat your complaint 4 times is taking the piss. The last report I made, I added something about wanting a reason why they weren’t deleting, not a generic ‘we’re looking into it’, and it got deleted.

It’s lip service from Justine, not a genuine wish to delete posts that are ‘goady/rude’ or whatever her wording was.

It’s really unfortunate. There are so many threads now about the unnecessary snarkiness on many threads and if nothing is done people will be voting with their feet.

It's pretty torrid reading most of the time. A sizeable minority of posters leap straight to an aggressive, nasty tone, littered with swearing and deliberately antagonistic. Every post is like meeting Mr Angry. Why? Maybe this is the way they are IRL, but, do you know what? I really doubt it, it's for effect. Measured debate doesn't mean you can't put forward a different view, hugely different if you want, but you don't need to scream it in my face.

So I'm with you OP, things ain't what they used to be.

Yes I agree. Very noticeable that if a poster has social problems,poor education etc the bullies rip them apart with their imagined superiority!

Do you never talk to anyone in real life op? As that's something i would say to you in real life and not expect such a silly response, I'd expect you to say no I think they are the same thing or perhaps yes you are right. You know a bit of conversation where we learn from each other.

And here we go.

I found your response the infuriating one. Oh well.

Fecking brilliant.

I think people find it easier to use their voices on the internet in a society where they feel like they’re maybe not listened to?

Totally agree. I think it is really unhelpful and unkind when people say “why did you have children with that man.” None of us can turn the clock back. I also think it is very unkind when many people pile onto one post and criticize it, especially when they are sarcastic and especially if the post they are commenting on was polite and reasonable in tone. I avoid commenting in circumstances like this. I enjoy debate though.

See, I saw that response as lighthearted sarcasm. You saw it differently.

Is it? I suppose truth hurts.

I must admit I miss the days of penis beaker and Pombears. But aibu has pretty much always been a nest of vipers as far back as I can remember. It's not for the faint of heart. And I do think it's a reflection of online forums more broadly, which can be incredibly toxic.

I've had some really great advice and support away from aibu.

people who say ‘truth hurts’ usually mean ‘I’d rather insult you because I can’t make an actual argument.’ I guess it’s a convenient phrase when you’ve nothing intelligent to add.

I genuinely couldn’t give a shit about other people’s grammar/how they use words on an informal internet forum (which may just be their dialect..not everyone speaks/writes like they’ve swallowed the Oxford English Dictionary). I often accidentally use the wrong there/their/they’re. I know what I mean, other people know what I mean, I wouldn’t use the wrong one if I was writing an academic essay and going back and proofreading, which I obviously don’t do on MN. If you can understand what they mean, literally what is the problem? It’s about the context of the post not how ‘correct’ the grammar is ffs. Always find it funny when someone disagrees with what you’re saying or just wants to feel superior or be nasty for no reason, so they criticise your grammar to try and piss you off or upset you..but all it does it make them look like petty snobs. MN is full of them sadly. The fact there’s an entire sub dedicated to poor spelling & grammar says it all!

Also find it really annoying when someone says “why are you being obtuse?”/“are you always this obtuse?” When they’d never use that word IRL. Again they’re just being spiteful for no reason and trying to look superior with their big fancy word. Reminds me of my stuck-up dinosaur of a headmistress at school, the only person I’ve ever heard use the word ‘obtuse’ IRL. If I got in trouble and was called to her office she’d ask me why I did whatever I did and my answer would always be ‘I don’t know’..then she’d stare at me right in the eyes for a good 30 seconds then say “why are you being so obtuse?” And then she’d get another ‘I don’t know’ cos I had no idea what it meant!

Yes the ‘why did you have children with this man’ is so pointless, unhelpful and victim blaming. And you see it all the time on here!

So you don’t want to be judged for the words you use, but you’re happy to judge others for the words they use?

She doesn’t want to be judged for her meaning not her spelling

although we do use the word obtuse irl

edit ro add that I think the meaning PP reads from obtuse is “you should take more notice of me for using posh words “

Thank you so much for your ‘intelligent’ reply. I now to your superiority.