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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The hatred and venom on here is too much

171 replies

femaleofsubstance · 13/03/2026 16:06

This site used to be light relief anf fun. The odd bitchy thread but on the most part was fun to read and made me smile.

It's become so emotionally toxic and down right nasty. Thead after thread of micro aggresion.
Too much for me, i feel so drained after just 15 mins.
Just why?

OP posts:
Naunet · 13/03/2026 17:05

Which large online discussion forum is nice? The internet brings out the worst in people.

trumpisruin · 13/03/2026 17:06

femaleofsubstance · 13/03/2026 16:09

You see, you have already managed to create a disagreement!

You responded defensively, ergo you are the problem here @femaleofsubstance

Darkdiamond · 13/03/2026 17:07

I find that AIBU is often frequented by people who seem to waiting around rubbing their hands together in anticipation that they will get to trip someone up for sport. I have seem some absolutely upsetting cases where the OP has a really legitimate issue and people have absolutely torn into them in a way that I just thought wasn't normal and didn't follow the natural logical response that most functioning adults would have had. One thread in particular nearly made me cry because of the absolute blatant unkindness. It felt so absurd that it was almost like something from a bad dream.

The thing is, often the response is that people cant stand being told they are wrong or that they can't handle debate. My issue the way some people seem to really extrapolate wild scenarios and assumptions from the OP, and almost deliberately misunderstand the post.

Another thing is that mumsnet is populated by mostly mums. I don't think it would be a huge leap to suggest that many mums are pregnant, post partum, sleep deprived and dealing with the immense emotional vulnerabilities that come with that.

I remember being on a similar board to mumsnet that also had an AIBU and the vibe was the same. If you worded your OP just right and made sure to caveat everything and front-foot every accusation that might be hurled at you, you would get support. But if you worded things clumsily or didn't set the tone appropriately, you got it. I remember I had a traumatic birth with my first and looking back, had PTSD. I actually turned into another person and really needed therapy in retrospect. I posted something and was torn apart. I remember not being able to speak for the rest of the evening and taking the words so deeply to heart that I started spiralling and am surprised it didn't kick start some kind of episode.

Looking back I see that I was incredibly vulnerable at that time and left myself wide open. I stopped opening up for a long while after the AIBU incident when I should have been trying to get counselling. I stopped reaching out for help. It makes me want to cry about it a little bit, when I look back, because I was a new mum just desperate for connection, who felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world due to the trauma and the responses I got went beyond robust debate.

Not everyone knows they are very vulnerable or that they can't handle AIBU. Not everyone knows what its like or that you do need to prepare yourself to go into it. There is always a person behind the screen and you dont know what damage your words might do.

I like a debate, I am happy to tell people when I think they are wrong but I try to do things without harshness, as I do in real life. I learn a lot from mumsnet but I put my hard hat and approach AIBU with my special AIBU suit. I know the landscape now.

pouletvous · 13/03/2026 17:12

That’s social media across the board

have you seen FB lately?

oh and don’t go on Next door. That’s another level of shit fight

Justonelastbiscuit · 13/03/2026 17:15

Agree. So many people are so unkind and mean on here, I find it a bit shocking.

I've seen a number of threads where the OP is struggling and overwhelmed in a difficult situation and multiple posts are blaming her for her life choices or things in the past that can't be undone.

TheTattooedLady · 13/03/2026 17:18

Justonelastbiscuit · 13/03/2026 17:15

Agree. So many people are so unkind and mean on here, I find it a bit shocking.

I've seen a number of threads where the OP is struggling and overwhelmed in a difficult situation and multiple posts are blaming her for her life choices or things in the past that can't be undone.

Oh, we’re already starting with the women should ‘be kind’

NerrSnerr · 13/03/2026 17:18

I think it’s really important to remember that you have the power to stop this. If using Mumsnet is detrimental to you in any way then just stop. When i have had times where my mental health has been poor i have found myself getting bogged down with some of the threads so i have deleted the app until i am back in a better place. If it’s causing you so much distress you need to start a thread on it I would stop using it.

Luckyingame · 13/03/2026 17:20

femaleofsubstance · 13/03/2026 16:09

You see, you have already managed to create a disagreement!

This is an opinion forum.
If you cannot/don't want to handle disagreement, it's not the problem with other posters.

begonefoulclutter · 13/03/2026 17:22

TheTattooedLady · 13/03/2026 17:03

@Theonlyfatmiddleagedwomannotonmonjaro calling women bitchy and catty is pretty hostile

Some might say it's the people being bitchy and catty who are the hostile ones, especially when they take a severe dislike to being called out on it.

There is definitely something different about this place though. I reckon I've reported more posts in the last month than I did in the whole of last year.

KindleSchmindle · 13/03/2026 17:30

MoFadaCromulent · 13/03/2026 16:13

If I don't aggressively call out thick people on the internet then what's the point of the Internet at all?

For watching videos of cats being dicks, obvs.

<debates adding “HTH” for a little bit of minor passive aggression>

daisychain01 · 13/03/2026 17:30

People have been flaming OPs since time immemorial I remember when it was just fields round these parts

I've been snapped at countless times, but I'd think something was wrong if everyone was too nice 😊 got a skin like a 🦏 being on here so long, I really don't GAS now 😂

I have noticed there are hardly ever troll posts, there used to be several a week which sometimes generated some very 'sporty' behaviour on here!

cloudtreecarpet · 13/03/2026 17:32

SirBasil · 13/03/2026 16:07

but micro agressions and venom/hatred are 2 different things, surely?

This instant reply is so typical of MN.

I know we can't all agree but it's just so wearing somehow that everything gets picked apart in this way.

TheTattooedLady · 13/03/2026 17:34

cloudtreecarpet · 13/03/2026 17:32

This instant reply is so typical of MN.

I know we can't all agree but it's just so wearing somehow that everything gets picked apart in this way.

Edited

The OP literally said “The hatred and venom on here is too much” in her thread titl

ETA- you edited your post?

MoFadaCromulent · 13/03/2026 17:35

daisychain01 · 13/03/2026 17:30

People have been flaming OPs since time immemorial I remember when it was just fields round these parts

I've been snapped at countless times, but I'd think something was wrong if everyone was too nice 😊 got a skin like a 🦏 being on here so long, I really don't GAS now 😂

I have noticed there are hardly ever troll posts, there used to be several a week which sometimes generated some very 'sporty' behaviour on here!

The glory days of DaftPunk going to bat for the BNP and Dittany calling anyone who wasn't actively campaigning for national castration traitors.

Much more vitriolic

Justonelastbiscuit · 13/03/2026 17:35

TheTattooedLady · 13/03/2026 17:18

Oh, we’re already starting with the women should ‘be kind’

There is a big difference between being kind and not being unkind.

You dont have to be kind to not shit on someone who is already at rock bottom.

Papyrophile · 13/03/2026 17:38

@GinToBegin Thank you.... Stramash is a fabulous word!! Is it Scots?

Nooooppppeeee · 13/03/2026 17:41

Yes there are certain posters who when I see their name I can guarantee it will be a nasty ,sarcastic reply! Some people are obviously very bitter unhappy people.

ACR7 · 13/03/2026 17:42

I think it’s just certain threads. I became introduced to MN when I was going through IVF and found the infertility threads to be such a supportive and helpful place. I still dip into that topic on here now and it’s still like that.

UnhappyHobbit · 13/03/2026 17:43

I agree. I watched one person on one thread recently and they were clearly unhinged. They were vile to the poor OP and I just couldn’t work out why anyone would be that unkind to a stranger on the internet. They were making out is if she knew exactly the kind of person the OP was and how much of an attention seeker they were. It was the least attention seeking post going, just someone reaching out for clarity on their situation. I was shocked.

JasmineMac · 13/03/2026 17:44

I think it's best to treat MN and similar sites as a short pastime, 15 minutes or so then back to reality! Getting invested isn't wise (and I personally would never ask advice on here!).

Weeelokthen · 13/03/2026 17:45

Theunamedcat · 13/03/2026 16:17

It's all nitpick nitpick nitpick and put downs

"I have a child who is nearly 13 and broke their leg the school wants them in but its a complex break and they are in extreme pain help me word a polite but firm email please i dont want to be "that parent"

And you get

How old is the child?
You said nearly 13 do you mean 12?
When is the birthday there is a HUGE difference between just turned 12 and 13
You signed a CONTRACT with the school you know
It's a broken leg its not serious
A broken leg? My aunts sisters brothers cousin broke there leg went to school and DIED
Too late your already "that parent"
Im sure the school have far more experience with broken legs than you
You sound precious cut the cord already
Your raising a snowflake

I could go on but im finding it far too easy

😂you are not wrong

VelvetSabotage · 13/03/2026 17:45

femaleofsubstance · 13/03/2026 16:09

You see, you have already managed to create a disagreement!

Disagreement is inevitable on a public site.

What's wrong with disagreement? - as long as people arent attacking others or being vicious and rude, why on earth would you want everyone to simply agree with you? threads would be boring AF with every single post saying "I agree".

I mean, come on.....

Meadowfinch · 13/03/2026 17:47

I imagine because people are stressed and need to vent. Better they do it anonymously on line where few will take serious offence than take it home and get into a slanging match in front of the dcs.

Mumsnet has always been a place to let off steam.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 13/03/2026 17:47

Can I just check is this the 5 minute argument or the full half an hour!?

VelvetSabotage · 13/03/2026 17:48

Theeyeballsinthesky · 13/03/2026 17:47

Can I just check is this the 5 minute argument or the full half an hour!?

LOVE that sketch ❤️