The hatred and venom on here is too much

[femaleofsubstance]

This site used to be light relief anf fun. The odd bitchy thread but on the most part was fun to read and made me smile.

It's become so emotionally toxic and down right nasty. Thead after thread of micro aggresion.
Too much for me, i feel so drained after just 15 mins.
Just why?

I think there’s definitely been an increase in OP’s starting goady threads.

I think a lot of people have raised this one way or another, but please can I ask, where do you draw the line between what you feel is acceptable debate vs not? It would help with the dialogue a bit more if you were a bit more descriptive / gave examples.

For what it's worth, I'm a relatively robust person and I think be kind can go in the bin. However I'd never intentionally mean to be hurtful. I will however call something out if it is stupid/batshit/something I fundamentally disagree with. I'd also never go looking for irrelevant things to nitpick at.

One thing I've noticed is the amount of early/first posts on a thread that get removed due to breaking talk guidelines. Usually because the person is being a knob to the OP. This is probably part of the issue you have described.

Wishing you a lovely weekend too 😊

I completely agree, the amount of ignorant assumptions made, and stated as fact is mind boggling.
it’s really boring to read to be honest.

This too! I think the lady today asking about what to do regarding work and her 4th holiday was one of these 🤣🤣

Completely agree with this. I remember a post a while ago where the OP had a bashing that turned pretty nasty in the end, almost to the point of bullying. But in parallel with that, I was also following a post that made me quite emotional because of the support shown to an upset OP.

yes which they never return too but i put that down to AI & engagement farming now

Yes agree ... and then sometimes there are threads where someone is being supported through an illness, a panic, a divorce and it's so so uplifting.

I tend to stick to those threads and then try not get sucked in to ones that are more toxic.

I found some of the ones where there are Americans or ex pat Americans who voted for Trump and their views particularly difficult.
The rest I can ignore more easily.

Literally

There are posts like yours OP at least every few months, harking back to a lovelier, friendlier, funnier time. I've been here 20 years and I honestly don't remember that time. AIBU has been described as a viper's nest and bear pit for years and years.

I read more than I post for myself. O the whole I think most responses to OPs with real issues are very helpful and thoughtful and responsive to what people post here for, different perspectives. Responses to mean OPs are often similarly responded in kind and do seem to attract meanies.

I think you recognise it for what it is, an anonymous forum and naturally you’ll have mean bastards and ignorant responses on topics ….just like real life but worse.

I think overall decent responses.

Disagree OP.

This place is mostly serene compared to a lot of internet spaces, but IMO it's also very poorly moderated compared to most, because a huge number of topics are quite obviously trolling, fantasy, or deliberately intended to be goady and cause a froth, and yet they are invariably permitted to stand where most other sites zap that sort of stuff straight away.

It isn't about "freedom of speech", or censorship, it's about not permitting what is supposed to be a relatively helpful, informative, and jovial site turn into a cesspit of bad-faith posting, and IMO MN is already well past the point of no return in that regard. This is what leads to the perception it's "nasty", when in actual fact it's just the preponderance of obvious wind-up threads the mods do nothing about.

I guess clicks and engagement drives income, so 😐

Solid point, well made. I think it's quite funny tbh, but I'm also quite a bad person so 🤷🏻‍♂️

The site has changed because now the majority of what is posted is made up just to get a reaction

Yanbu people are horrible. Anything posted in Aibu (no matter how clear cut) you will always get one or two posters telling the op they are wrong, it’s almost like that have to be contrary just to feel important. I have had some very good advice on here over the years but I also take a lot of things with a pinch of salt because there are some proper nutters about with some very odd motives.

What I would say is there are a lot of tongue in cheek, ironic and hyperbolic posts but people dont understand it, they answer in earnest while the rest of us are chuckling away

There is a lot of humour but for some reason many posters cant see it. People arent very dry anymore.

Shame

The other problem is all the completely made up / AI posts which are disappointing if you get drawn in and try to offer helpful advice etc.

I know there were always trolls and fantasists but you used to be able to trust that most posts were real people and real situations. It was what made threads like the Mexican house CF and the office fridge hogger so funny to read.

The office fridge hogger was the thread which brought me to Mumsnet.

Particularly in this case when its clear what OP meant

People really quibble over one or two words, lots of arguments about semantics and language policing when its quite clear what is being said.

God forbid anyone get a word wrong or dont put every single caveat under the sun into a statement or opinion

A few days ago on here, I read a thread where a female poster had referred several times to a man as 'It'.
The poster did not know this man but was offerring advice to another woman. The man did not sound like a monster, just not good at expressing emotions.
If a man referred to a woman as 'it' can you imagine the response.
So I totally agree with you OP.

Funny to only a select few queen bee types. Iirc.

I was almost with you until you said this! 🙈

Are you like this in real life too, where you feel no-one should disagree with you?

I think it's more that the 1st comment didn't say anything bringing the OP's topic forward, more nitpicking and point scoring bringing up something that wasn't really relevant.
I don't think the OP was twisting at all.

I would disagree. I've been here for almost 20 years and would say it has always been robust, maybe even more so than now. There was definitely more witty, funny stuff back then though and less of the po-faced, "correct stuff

The worst are the ones that correct other people’s grammar/spelling or dialect. I saw a comment the other day from a woman who was worried her partner didn’t love her anymore. She was obviously distressed about it and someone wrote “I’m not surprised he doesn’t love you anymore if you write “anyways” instead of “anyway”. I don’t get how posts like that make people feel better about themselves. Doesn’t it just make you feel like you’re a horrible person? Best thing to do is understand that people like that must be very unhappy in their own lives and feel pity for them

YANBU.

I see a lot of posters respond to posts and talk to the OP like shit and with such nastiness, superiority and vitriol. It’s horrific and I do not understand it at all.

Mumsnet really demonstrates how vile some people can be and how they enjoy making other people feel like shit for no reason at all.

There's no point berating someone for choices they made in the past though. If they have a problem they need to start from now not go back in time. People make mistakes.