The hatred and venom on here is too much

[femaleofsubstance]

This site used to be light relief anf fun. The odd bitchy thread but on the most part was fun to read and made me smile.

It's become so emotionally toxic and down right nasty. Thead after thread of micro aggresion.
Too much for me, i feel so drained after just 15 mins.
Just why?

Disagreement is not hatred, venom or a micro aggression.

And yet here you are adding to the unfunny tone

But that's not what the OP wants. She's made that clear wither her second post. Apparently any disagreement is venom and hatred.

For what it's worth, I agree with you. A middle ground is necessary.

Have to agree with this.

I think most people approach AIBU threads with the aim of showing that the OP is indeed unreasonable or in the wrong. If there’s nothing in the original post that makes them in the wrong they’ll dig and nitpick until they find something they can use to make the poster in the wrong.

They’ll also completely invent a backstory so they can side with the other person/ people in the story. So e.g ‘my mum never showed me love as a child and doesn’t want to spend time with her grandchildren’ gets responses of ‘your mum is probably exhausted, has health issues and is no doubt sick of having to give up her whole life to look after your terribly behaved children’.

‘Nobody has paid me back for the hen do I’ve shelled out for, even though they agreed when we discussed it that they would pay me back by X date’ gets replies of ‘oh well you and the bride probably put too much pressure on them to agree, they never wanted to go in the first place and almost certainly hate you and the bride anyway’.

Any attempt by the OP to argue these points or add extra context to explain their point is called drip feeding or trying to change the narrative to suit themselves.

That approach seems to have spread beyond AIBU to other forums now.

I would argue that calling women who have differing opinions ‘bitchy’ is a sexist and toxic micro aggression

AIBU has always been a bit of a bear-pit, but nowadays most boards seem to be… robust.

For me, the bigger issue is the number of Contrary Arseholes. You know the ones, they pounce on a new thread, and are often first to reply, usually being contrary (and snarky with it) just for the sake of it. Some seem determined to argue that black is white.

Maybe it’s indicative of the wider world, but there are a lot of posters just itching for a stramash. A ‘hide poster’ option would help.

Honestly, why do people place so much importance on the comments of strangers? I’ve had massively snippy responses from posters here and I’ve had the most incredible support. Which ones do you think I bothered with remembering?

Do you know what, i am unreasonable for posting this and i'm not getting sucked into arguing on a Friday afternoon.

It's just a shame the place has changed so much in the 8 years that i've found the site.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.

Mumsnet talk forums (fora?) are places where people actively seek debate as well as validation and, yes, even argument.
But I find very little hatred or toxicity here. There can be very occasional nasty posts but to paint it as generally toxic or hateful is definitely over-egging the pudding.
I have seen several quite innocuous posts deleted, presumably because someone or other has complained. That is, they just didn’t like it.
And I think Mumsnet has become a bit of a pushover in deleting posts purely for those kind of reasons.

I find it amazing that some peeps can find the time and energy to slag others off. Then complain on the same thread how busy their lives are and they are sooo stressed as a result.

It appears that the problem is that you can’t cope with having your views challenged.

Do you expect us to be all meek and mild because we are women? Because the women of MN are definitely not that.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.

No! 😂

There is a vast expense of middle ground between #bekind and unnecessarily nasty posts. What I find strange is the default seems to be to nitpick and disagree with the OP from the very start.

I accidentally stumbled upon a post once where the OP was being challenged. But it was done in a humorous but direct way. I was quite pleasantly surprised by the tone. Then realised it was from 2009 or something. It really made me realise that the way people communicate has changed a lot.

Stage left Aibu? Yeah probably, here's your arse on a plate. Exit OP right of stage with a flounce.

Hahaha. I love this!

There is a world of difference between hatred and robustly worded disagreement. If you want to actually debate on a chat forum, expect the latter.

If it's actually a be kind echo chamber you want, perhaps post in Site Stuff and ask MN for a Polite Patrons board. You can enjoy yourself being light-hearted there, with other light-hearted people who don't dare disagree with you. I'll stick with enjoying having my views challenged and being open to changing my mind on things.

I’ve never noticed this. And this years marks my 20th year 😮

I don’t much like the direction MN has gone. It used to be funny and clever and now there are loads of halfwits. But, ‘hatred and venom’? Nah.

I’ve been on MN for 18 years and I don’t really see much difference at all.

Even 18 years ago there were posters complaining that things had changed.

Given your earlier response to a perfectly polite comment and the fact that you are bailing on your own thread after two pretty tame pages I suspect that it might just be that Mumsnet isn’t for you.

There is a whole world of internet out there, MN isn’t the only forum available.

I agree with you OP . . . I miss the threads we had years ago like the one about the cutted-up pear and The Museum of Toddler Art one was an absolute delight . . .

I posted a question a couple of weeks ago (under a different user name) and the first reply was querying why I was asking that question!!!!

@NigellaDelia Those types of threads still exist.

Oh no . . . I must have missed them. Haven't seen any as good as those two for years

I agree.

I joined 2004...it was an absolute hoot and so supportive. You could single out the bitchy threads.

Ive come and gone over the years. I find it pretty hostile, catty and aggressive these days and over the most pathetic things.

Someone can post about something funny and someone is offended. Someone else posts about something pretty horrible in thier life and some people seem to love the opportunity to lay in, criticise or pick bones about something unrelated to the thread. So many self righteous gurus on here.

I browse but usually find myself reading through the old hilarious classics. I can only assume the miserable posters wouldn't "get" those threads or would find a way to be offended or feel the need explain ramdownourthroats a special circumstance that means its offensive.

Its not everyone and thankfully I do still see humanity and kindness and some laughs but not in the abundance it once was.

I come to MN for the comedy bitchiness gold

@Theonlyfatmiddleagedwomannotonmonjaro calling women bitchy and catty is pretty hostile