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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of Cool Girl Mum sister-in-law?

324 replies

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

OP posts:
Malahaha · 13/03/2026 17:02

I never had PMT/PMS, menstrual mood changes, had two relatively easy pregnancies and quick births, enjoyed my newborns thoroughly, went through menopause without a single symptom apart from periods stopping and thinning hair.

This is the first time I’ve ever told anybody that I was this fortunate in ‘female issues'. Because I always thought some women will interpret it as bragging — as you did. Your SIL seems to not have had such reservations. It doesn’t mean she thinks she’s better than you; she’s just a little naive and insensitive about how her words might sound to others who don’t like her or are jealous.

I had other problems along the way, in between this apparently ‘easy’ history. Marital problems, financial problems, my husband’s health, when my son was a teen, behaviour problems (he’s now 40 and very sweet and well-behaved!)
I’m more likely to talk about such problems with friends.

You’re overthinking it all.
I also don’t celebrate Mother’s Day or other invented days.
I breast fed and was a SAHM. Chose a home-birth for my second child because I ‘m wary of regular hospital maternity care.
People are different. You’re overthinking it all.

greenbuckets · 13/03/2026 17:03

Sounds like she gets on your nerves and this is a good place to vent - but you do come across as a bit obsessed with her. Try not to let her live in your head. You do you and let her do her.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/03/2026 17:04

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Kevinbaconsrealwife · 13/03/2026 17:05

hothouser · 13/03/2026 14:41

She sounds like she’s lacking in self esteem

Absolutely agree with this…..I worked with a girl a bit like this but not quite as bad….she was so subtley , passively superior she pissed a lot of people off…however one day when I was on my own with her she opened up about her appalling childhood and a lot of trauma ….. a lot of things made sense to me after that…so yes, crippling self esteem was certainly behind her “ aura” xx

sunsetsites · 13/03/2026 17:09

You sound so bitter OP, whatever this woman does would wind you up because you just don’t like her.

Bikergran · 13/03/2026 17:12

@ThatPlumViewer I'm with you. She sounds incredibly bloody irritating. Thing is, when you analyse it, she's doing absolutely nothing wrong, just her way of doing things, but why does she feel the need to blather on about it? I'd do my best to keep distance, find something to do in another room at family gatherings etc.

Btowngirl · 13/03/2026 17:13

Drivingmissrangey · 13/03/2026 14:46

I’d say you’re the one with the bigger issues OP. You sound incredibly judgmental.

This. She’s entitled to be on her own motherhood journey OP, as are you. Why are you so triggered by her having a different opinion to you?

Bluedenimdoglover · 13/03/2026 17:14

Why are you wasting your time on this? It has no bearing on your life, no matter what you feel about her. Let her get on with it.

SixtySomething · 13/03/2026 17:15

Moltenpink · 13/03/2026 14:55

Just from another perspective, I was a bit like this and it took me a long time to recognise it as bad PND and denial at becoming a mother.

This post nails it.

emilysquest · 13/03/2026 17:20

You probably wouldn't like me either. I think mother's day is just commercial nonsense (which was why it was invented), I had an elective cesarean (at a private hospital) and would never have considered a vaginal birth, and I went back to my full time job when DS was 3 months old. I have never mentioned PMT because I never had it. Nor "perimenopause", or "brain fog" as things to complain about. Because they weren't actually things for me.

I am not particularly "cool", nor trying to be, I just make my own choices, which may not be yours. I couldn't care less if anyone thought I was cool, hot or tepid tbh. Maybe she doesn't either, just getting on with her life her way.

Mapletree1985 · 13/03/2026 17:21

Your sister in law wants to do things her own way. It wouldn't be my way, and it's not your way or your mum's way, but that doesn't mean she's having a dig at you. There is more than one way to do motherhood, and no single right way `or best way. Just let her get on with it and stop taking it personally.

matresense · 13/03/2026 17:21

One of the best set of parents I know (parents to adult children who want to spend time with them, come to them with problems, accept their kids for who they are, have kids who have been successful in their fields whether they are academic or not, have noisy but loving disagreements with one another) have kids who call them by their first names. It might not be for me - I didn’t think about it, tbh, but it’s fine.

Your SIL could be less dismissive of other people’s life choices and that’s really annoying when those choices are yours, but you need to be secure enough to shrug that off and not take offence about her different choices.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 13/03/2026 17:23

Take a deep breath

She sounds as though she isn't getting any joy out of being a mum. I too would suspect PND or similar

Whatever her issue you are allowing it to make you feel and sound unpleasant, jealous, lacking confidence etc

Try hard to disconnect from your feelings about her attitude. Take care of you and yours and stop letting her different experiences colour yours

Just stop!

thanks2 · 13/03/2026 17:24

maybe I would not be friends with this woman, but I would defend anyone's right to be the mother they choose to be. I suspect this woman is triggering for you due to how you feel about yourself.

PippaToryFripp · 13/03/2026 17:25

Op why do you care so much about her opinion? It honestly sounds like you're a bit in awe of her being able to have her own views.

“She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did”

I extended breastfed mine, I also had friends and family who felt gross about and therefore bottle fed. I didn’t feel the slightest bit goaded by their comments, nor by my choice to do it. You need to work out why you care what she thinks.

Buckfastburps · 13/03/2026 17:26

It sounds like she's found your button and she's enjoying pushing it. Why are you letting her have this power over you? Just laugh and let her crack on with her life.

Ocelotfeet27 · 13/03/2026 17:29

I think this is a you problem. Why are you seeing her decisions and comments as an attack on you rather than just being about het? 'Breastfeeding is gross' - eye roll, privately think she's an idiot, move on. Etc

SharpFox · 13/03/2026 17:30

She sounds absolutely f**king awful! I'd avoid her at all costs. As for the mothers day thing, that's just so pretentious and ick. I'd just laugh next time she says something like that, and say something like ''aren't you the odd one then! Always trying to be different" with a big grin on my face and rolling my eyes as if you find it hilarious...

NeonSuit · 13/03/2026 17:30

She sounds a bit try hard and I can get why it would get boring fast. I would just try and stick to being internally amused and let her carry on trying to prove whatever she wants!

Clarabell77 · 13/03/2026 17:30

rubyslippers · 13/03/2026 14:49

Why are you taking everything see does and says as a personal attack on you?!

This.

She sounds really fake and annoying but I don’t think you should take it so personally.

ChillingWithMySnowmies · 13/03/2026 17:32

YABU. You're clearly jealous, and i will immediately judge ANYONE who used 'cool girl' and 'pick me' and 'cringe' like they're still a teenager trying to be one of the gang, and pay them no mind at all.

Grow up, and get some therapy to help with that massive chip you have on your shoulder.

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 17:45

How typical of everyone to start attacking the OP for the sake of it. If any of you had to deal with this woman IRL I have an inkling you would feel the same way. You may as well ignore the rest of my comment and just respond attacking me for being ""judgemental"".

She sounds like she has serious self-esteem issues, perhaps fuelled by your brother who cannot even enable her to shower alone. Probably has put her on a pedestal to make her believe shes so much better than all the other mums so therefore she should be able to do everything by herself, even if she fawns over how much he did for her postpartum (probably cleaned the dishes once a day and called it support).

This all would've irked me as well tbh so im with you there. Though I dont think it would really play on my mind the same way, but then again we arent the same person and you have every right to your own feelings and opinions (take note, everyone!).

This woman's own infant child refers to her by her first name and everyone wants to act like it isnt weird. Yeah, if thats her preference fine, but I have a sneak feeling it'll be kinda weird for her son, especially if he slips up and calls her mum sometimes (gasp!).

Sounds like the entire world revolves around her really. She has no obligation to socialise with other mums, make her son call her mum, or celebrate mother's day. But for me, the issue is that she actively shames other mums for all of this, especially shaming mothers for having a natural labour and breastfeeding, its just weird.

That being said, I would be cautious of my earlier point that's she might be being manipulated into thinking she shouldn't be struggling. If I were you, I would just keep her at arms length if youre bothered by her behaviour.

Leave hate comments here:

ForFunGoose · 13/03/2026 17:46

I think she might wind you up on purpose OP

I share some of her views and the only person who has a problem with it is my MIL.

Live your life OP and stop telling anyone else what to do.

InterIgnis · 13/03/2026 17:47

She sounds like she just being herself, living her life her own way, and isn’t interested in external validation. Good for her. That isn’t an attack on you, or about you at all. Not sure why you’re taking it so personally.

WalkDontWalk · 13/03/2026 17:48

It's just a little ironic that you feel she's judging you, and your way of expressing that is to judge the holy fuck out of her.