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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of Cool Girl Mum sister-in-law?

324 replies

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

OP posts:
2O26 · 13/03/2026 17:52

powersthatbe · 13/03/2026 17:02

OP if you were comfortable in your own skin you wouldnt be bothered by your SILs choices. Maybe explore why you are having such a strong reaction to how she lives her
life.

She cant be held responsible for your feelings which only you are in control of.

The SIL choices are hers to make but good lord why can't the SIL shut up about them? That's the part that I would find annoying. Bragging about her choices.

likelysuspect · 13/03/2026 17:55

2O26 · 13/03/2026 17:52

The SIL choices are hers to make but good lord why can't the SIL shut up about them? That's the part that I would find annoying. Bragging about her choices.

Edited

In the example OP gives of this one though, OP asked her SIL about mothers day. This information wasnt proffered forth un asked for.

Is that the same with the rest? Why wouldnt she just chat about her experiences anyway. Do we have the same view if someone goes on about how difficult their life is? Do we call them Little Miss Imperfect?

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:02

2O26 · 13/03/2026 17:52

The SIL choices are hers to make but good lord why can't the SIL shut up about them? That's the part that I would find annoying. Bragging about her choices.

Edited

Hit the nail on the head there. Shes entitled to her own views and opinions but to put other mums down about, being a mum, is just trashy behaviour.

And everyone going on with "well OP judged her back!!" Yeah no shit. If I had someone ranting on to me with implications about how other mums are so sad and pathetic, I would judge her as well.

FairKoala · 13/03/2026 18:03

Look at it from the child’s POV.

She might think she is cool and everyone around her is scurrying around having traditions and being a family, celebrating their mothers when his mother doesn’t want the role.
He can’t even call her mum as she doesn’t want to be known as his mum

Its screwed up.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:05

FairKoala · 13/03/2026 18:03

Look at it from the child’s POV.

She might think she is cool and everyone around her is scurrying around having traditions and being a family, celebrating their mothers when his mother doesn’t want the role.
He can’t even call her mum as she doesn’t want to be known as his mum

Its screwed up.

It says right in the OP that he calls her by both her name and mum.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:07

likelysuspect · 13/03/2026 17:55

In the example OP gives of this one though, OP asked her SIL about mothers day. This information wasnt proffered forth un asked for.

Is that the same with the rest? Why wouldnt she just chat about her experiences anyway. Do we have the same view if someone goes on about how difficult their life is? Do we call them Little Miss Imperfect?

Exactly.

If you don't want to hear someone's opinion, don't ask a question in the first place.

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:08

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:05

It says right in the OP that he calls her by both her name and mum.

Yeah she also said in OP she got into a row with a health visitor for referring to her as his "mummy". Its weird as fuck. But everyone keep pretending it's normal for the sake of being right and attacking the OP for holding a valid opinion.

inmyfashion · 13/03/2026 18:09

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:05

It says right in the OP that he calls her by both her name and mum.

Yeah I don’t get the pearl clutching about this. My best friend since childhood and her siblings have always called their parents Mum/Dad and their first names interchangeably, more so their names particularly as adults. They’re an incredibly close, loving family. Don’t think this is going to traumatise a child.

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:11

inmyfashion · 13/03/2026 18:09

Yeah I don’t get the pearl clutching about this. My best friend since childhood and her siblings have always called their parents Mum/Dad and their first names interchangeably, more so their names particularly as adults. They’re an incredibly close, loving family. Don’t think this is going to traumatise a child.

That alone may not be enough to traumatise a child, but together with everything else about this woman id say its pretty likely.

Also, just cos one family werent affected by it, doesnt mean that'll be the case for everyone.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:11

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:08

Yeah she also said in OP she got into a row with a health visitor for referring to her as his "mummy". Its weird as fuck. But everyone keep pretending it's normal for the sake of being right and attacking the OP for holding a valid opinion.

I don't think it's weird to not want to have a random woman call you ''mummy''. I've heard this opinion many times on here too.

What I think is weird is that it takes at least two people to argue and that the HV didn't just simply accept her preference and seemingly argued with her instead.

Frequency · 13/03/2026 18:12

I hated adults referring to me as mum or mummy outside the context of speaking to my child. e.g., "Ask your mum," to my child = fine. "How is mummy doing?" to me = fuck off.

I might be a mum, but I am not your mum, and I have a name. Good on OP's SIL for speaking out when it bothered her. I just inwardly seethed when it happened to me.

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:13

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:11

I don't think it's weird to not want to have a random woman call you ''mummy''. I've heard this opinion many times on here too.

What I think is weird is that it takes at least two people to argue and that the HV didn't just simply accept her preference and seemingly argued with her instead.

I dont like it either, but I dont start rows about it cos im not a freak. I imagine she was quite snarky with the health visitor given that that she seems to think the sun shines out of her arse and everyone else is beneath her.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:13

inmyfashion · 13/03/2026 18:09

Yeah I don’t get the pearl clutching about this. My best friend since childhood and her siblings have always called their parents Mum/Dad and their first names interchangeably, more so their names particularly as adults. They’re an incredibly close, loving family. Don’t think this is going to traumatise a child.

My 3 year old calls me by my name sometimes. It is my name, I don't get the big deal either.

NotThisAgain1987 · 13/03/2026 18:15

Christ how much room are you letting her take up in your head for free?!

She does things different to you, that's fine, if you see that as an attack or judgement on what you do then you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:16

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:13

I dont like it either, but I dont start rows about it cos im not a freak. I imagine she was quite snarky with the health visitor given that that she seems to think the sun shines out of her arse and everyone else is beneath her.

I don't get that from what OP has said at all. To me, OP clearly dislikes SIL and seems to take everything she does or says personally even when it is OP who asks her a question.

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:19

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:16

I don't get that from what OP has said at all. To me, OP clearly dislikes SIL and seems to take everything she does or says personally even when it is OP who asks her a question.

She takes it personally because the SIL is making comments that apply to her. I think she knows exactly what shes doing when making these comments, and is disguising it by referring to all mums when she says it, knowing that OP is one of those mums.

To suggest OP is jealous of a woman actively making underhanded comments aimed at all mums that arent exactly the same as her is preposterous. She is offended and annoyed because she is one of the mums SIL is referring to, and SIL knows that.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:25

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:19

She takes it personally because the SIL is making comments that apply to her. I think she knows exactly what shes doing when making these comments, and is disguising it by referring to all mums when she says it, knowing that OP is one of those mums.

To suggest OP is jealous of a woman actively making underhanded comments aimed at all mums that arent exactly the same as her is preposterous. She is offended and annoyed because she is one of the mums SIL is referring to, and SIL knows that.

SIL has simply made some different parenting choices to OP. It isn't a dig or an insult to not breastfeed or have a c-section or have an opinion about mothers day (whilst still making sure her son did provide a homemade card for Granny, what a bitch).

likelysuspect · 13/03/2026 18:26

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:08

Yeah she also said in OP she got into a row with a health visitor for referring to her as his "mummy". Its weird as fuck. But everyone keep pretending it's normal for the sake of being right and attacking the OP for holding a valid opinion.

No it isnt. I work with parents and I sometimes, in front of the child use this term for talking to the parent, mum or dad. But some dont like that, and I'll always check. Same with nan or grandad

Grapewrath · 13/03/2026 18:26

Thing is she isn’t being braggy if you break it down- OP ASKED about the mothers day card and SIL answered then OP looked ‘shocked’ so SIL has to elaborate- no overbearing opinion sharing
She hasn’t said to Op or any other bf mum she thinks they are gross for bf, but mentioned it to MIL who presumably is no longer a bf mum.
Sil choice of delivery and hospital are fuck all to do with anyone else and I’m fairly sure she didn’t choose them to annoy other Mums.
All the hyperbole about not enjoying motherhood because she isn’t moaning and is finding it fits in with her life is ridiculous tbh and smacks of jealousy

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:30

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 18:25

SIL has simply made some different parenting choices to OP. It isn't a dig or an insult to not breastfeed or have a c-section or have an opinion about mothers day (whilst still making sure her son did provide a homemade card for Granny, what a bitch).

Of course having a c section and bottle feeding isnt a dig. Saying youre "too posh to push" is incredibly insulting to people who had a natural birth. Saying she finds mothers day cringe and she shouldn't be celebrated for doing something normal, implies that other mums shouldn't either.
Its not about her parenting choices, its about her mocking others for theirs. Perhaps shes just incredibly vapid and doesnt realise how insulting it is, but I doubt that.

SALaw · 13/03/2026 18:31

My Gran, mum and me never celebrated Mother’s Day. We weren’t trying to be cool or alternative. We just didn’t. Only once I married my husband and he was giving gifts to his mum did we start celebrating it to be equal. I don’t know why it would be the thing to upset or annoy you most.

Nuthatchtreelover · 13/03/2026 18:32

It seems to me you think her personal choices are implied criticism of you. Maybe you should be happy that you are both right and can parent differently but as long as your own family’s are happy that’s all that matters. It sounds nice to have two different perspectives/ parenting styles and I think your judgement is on you.

Nuthatchtreelover · 13/03/2026 18:32

It seems to me you think her personal choices are implied criticism of you. Maybe you should be happy that you are both right and can parent differently but as long as your own family’s are happy that’s all that matters. It sounds nice to have two different perspectives/ parenting styles and I think your judgement is on you.

JassyRadlett · 13/03/2026 18:34

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:19

She takes it personally because the SIL is making comments that apply to her. I think she knows exactly what shes doing when making these comments, and is disguising it by referring to all mums when she says it, knowing that OP is one of those mums.

To suggest OP is jealous of a woman actively making underhanded comments aimed at all mums that arent exactly the same as her is preposterous. She is offended and annoyed because she is one of the mums SIL is referring to, and SIL knows that.

Yep, SIL definitely chose where to give birth and how to feed her baby as a put down to OP. She organised for her child to make and give OP's mum a Mother's Day card, and then reply to OP's questions/shocked expressions to make OP feel bad.

She formulated all her views on Mother's Day, what her kid should call her, going back to work etc just to make SIL feel judged.

She even went so far as to have an easy pregnancy and bay jus to spite SIL and other mothers who had a harder time.

If there's one thing I've taken away from the endless WOHM/SAHM rows here over the years, it's that one person's personal choice is not automatically a criticism of someone else's different choice.

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/03/2026 18:38

People who dislike this woman (based on OP’s highly partial post) seem to have an issue with her not wanting to “behave like a mum”, whatever that means.

Why are mothers required to behave in certain ways prescribed by other mothers and why does choosing not to identify solely as a “mum” have to be bad for their children?

You may not want to do this yourself but its a stretch to argue that anything she does is in any way damaging to her children.

Plenty of people have lives outside of being a mother and yet manage to have strong bonds with their children. It feels like OP and others find this threatening? I cant see any other reason to involve yourself in any of this. Honestly the post is one of the most narrow minded and judgemental things I have read on here.