AIBU to be worried son proposed without telling us and lacks finances?

[OneOliveDeer]

My son is 25 years old and since graduating from University two years ago has been doing online tutoring.
He has been dating a girl who will soon be graduating too and is madly in love with the girl.
He bought an engagement ring worth £650 immediately he started working part time and I only found it accidentally.
He just announced to us that he proposed to the girlfriend a week ago and she accepted.
I was shocked that he proposed without informing us and I am worried that he is not ready financially yet. It is his first relationship, so that makes me even more worried. He says he is ready and plans to wed in the next one year. I want to talk with the girlfriend but not sure what to say. I’m I being unreasonable to think that he was supposed to inform us and that he isn’t ready yet?

It really isnt normal to have this conversation.

He's 25 not 12. Money isn't everything.

@Pedallleur op isnt posting at all since 10am

Uh? You wanted to be informed before he did it? That is so weird.

You don't need money to get married, you need money to have children.
I'm 100% certain my husband didn't ask his parents' permission before proposing to me, that would be very odd indeed.

She didn't. She found out he's now only working part time after ge proposed to his girlfriend

This is a disgusting comment. I hope you aren’t serious.

Her sons sex life, or decision about when to start a family, has fuck all to do with her.

I think this one went over your head. That's the exact point she's making.

I took the comment to be sarcastic. That he's not a baby and doesn't need to involve her in any decision.

Lacks finances for what? You can get married for about £100 and women are also able to work. Not sure what the problem is.

I was a student and my DH temping in various jobs when we got married. I think he spent around £150 on my ring! We're still married 10+ years down the line, both with secure jobs and now living in a beautiful house we own.
Surely it isn't that unusual!!

Mate, he’s a twenty five year old man. Are you serious?

My DS is the same age and this is totally normal.

How did you find the ring if he proposed

isnt she wearing it

I’m I being unreasonable to think that he was supposed to inform us and that he isn’t ready yet?

@OneOliveDeer Why is he supposed to inform you? He is 25 not 15.

Is he living with her now? Or does he live with you?

What are you worried about? That they'll expect to live with you? Expect you to pay for the wedding? Have children fast and expect you to provide childcare?

Not sure what you mean by being financially ready. Being married doesn't cost money. (Living with someone instead of alone saves money). A wedding costs money (but doesn't have to cost much). Having children costs money, but who's to say if they're planning kids soon (or at all). Buying a home costs money, but there's no reason twenty something newlyweds shouldn't live together in a rented one-bed or whatever. Single or attached, we all need a roof over our heads and most of us have to pay for it.

This used to be a very normal age to get married. All the old people I know got married by 25, about 60 years ago. Mostly seem happy. And have you ever noticed how the older people who are most financially comfortable are generally the ones who married fairly young and stayed married? It's the best basis for holding onto what you've got, as well as for stable family life. It also seems to me that the happiest older couples I know are the ones who've been through some adversity together - who remember early married life in a damp bedsit or whatever. And whatever they've achieved and earned since, they've done it together. It's bonding.

am sort of hoping that it turns out she's pregnant already though; do post again if so

None of your business

Why did he need to talk to you first, he wasn't asking you to marry him! If he wants to get engaged he can, he's 25 not 16. As for wanting to talk to the gf, what on earth do you want to say to her 🫣, I'm getting mil from hell vibes and the rings barely on the poor girl's finger 😅.

"He just announced to us that he proposed to the girlfriend a week ago and she accepted."

So... He has infact told you ...

The fact ge waited a week says this is not the relationship the op thinks it is.

"Would you do the honour of becoming my wife? I've asked my mum, and she says it's alright."

Your going to be one of those mother in laws. I know I had one the same

I think it might be more along the lines of: I’ve asked my mum and she said it’s not alright.

I got married, yes actually married when I was 23! It never occurred to me to speak to my parents first to see if they were ok with it. Likewise the man I married did not run it by his mum before he proposed.

What the actual????????

My dad was 25 and my mum was 20 when they married. Proposal to wedding was six weeks. My dad had been offered a job paying £1500 more per year which was too much of a salary increase to turn down. My mum was studying at the time and the only way she could move from England to Scotland without having to restart her course from year one again was if her husband changed jobs. My dad didn’t ask anyone except my mum. They will have been married 47 years in August and managed to raise three children. It wasn’t always easy but they did what they had too including one working during the day and one at night to make sure one of them was always home with us. They are adults and it may not always be easy for them but they will find their way and your job now is to be there and help pick up the pieces if they need it while they find their wings. While not interfering or you will drive them away.

Unless you’re financing any of it, mind your own business, he’s 25.