AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

[Oldknowe]

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

I'm so sorry you feel excluded and have every right to feel that way, because this is what is happening. It's absolutely unacceptable that you haven't been invited to the wedding if your partner has. Is he not cross about it? Have you asked him about this other woman? If your gut is telling you something (never mind her Insta post) there's probably something going on. Tell him how you feel and check his reaction. Good luck xxx

Since finding out about the new group, have you asked to join?

On the basis you live together, you should be invited to the wedding. How long have you been together.

Nothing is wrong with you.

He did say he was surprised and disappointed about the invitation and is going to ask some of the others if their partners are invited.
His help and equipment will be saving the wedding couple quite a bit of money.
He's said nothing is or will be happening with the woman and he thinks she's a bit crazy.
I asked to join the new group and eventually got an invite last week, but I haven't joined as I feel unwelcome and pissed off about it.
We've been together over 20 years!

You’re not unreasonable at all to feel upset by this, but there is nothing wrong with you OP.

The instagram post sounds odd, so it’s her and your husband with a gushy lovey caption?

Thanks. Yes it was an odd, I assume drunken post, from a while back. A photo of her kissing my partner on the cheek, with that caption. An unpleasant surprise for me whilst scrolling!

Nothing wrong with you at all.
I would be asking your partner why he goes along with them? He’s helping these people who have not invited you. 🤔
Why can’t your partner look after the kids once in a while?

Is she your friend?

I could almost understand the WhatsApp group thing, if it expanded too much overt the years and they wanted to keep it to a smaller friends group.
But not inviting you to the wedding when they have capacity is really not ok.

Your partner has to know what's going on. Or he is voluntarily ignoring the problem. I would offended by his lack of care in this situation.

No, we only met her recently, she's a new acquaintance of the friend group.

How do you know you’re not invited? Have you seen the invitation? My first thought was that your partner has had his head turned by someone in your circle and he’s trying to keep you from finding out.

There's nothing wrong with you OP, but there is something wrong with your partner. He is allowing you to be excluded.

What is the "equipment from our house" that he intends to use for the benefit of the group that is excluding you?

And why is he so unbothered by your exclusion?

"(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)"
How long ago did she post this? Because I'd be considering whether to comment on the post 'You do know he's married? To me?'.

My partner messaged to ask them if we could bring our teen son to the reception. The response was "no plus one and no children". I don't think he has a formal invite as yet.

Is there a history of you being excluded or is this a recent thing? If it’s recent has anything happened to justify your exclusion (e.g. you got drunk and insulted the group, or upset one of them in some way?). If not, what has changed to cause it?

No plus ones to "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending"? That does not sound right.

And why did your partner message them about invites when they haven’t even sent out the invitations yet?

Some of details dont match up what do you know compared to what do you think you know?

I just don't go out with them very often and I don't often drink. I don't believe there's anything I've done as far as I know.

He's had an early verbal invitation as they want to use his sound and lighting equipment.

Is Instagram woman invited?

He needs to be straight with them and say that unless his partner of 20 years is invited, they can't borrow your equipment....

I believe so.

Thanks for all your help. I'll post again in the morning x

I mean, OP, I take no pleasure in saying this but I think this woman and your OH are having a thing. That IG post is not good at all. It's not a bit off. It's totally absolutely unacceptable. And I think it's less likely that she's crazy and more likely that he's fucking her. I'm sorry.

It's a dh/partner problem wtf is he doing not sticking up for you? Does he not have a backbone

Time for your partner to find new friends