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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

435 replies

Oldknowe · 12/03/2026 23:46

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

OP posts:
icreatedascene · 13/03/2026 08:10

Wildgoat · 13/03/2026 06:53

I don’t agree with this at all, he is not letting them treat her poorly, thays a ridiculous thought, they are not her friends and she doesn’t join them, she is not entitled to go to their wedding simply as he is going, yes it would be lovely if she was invited, but she is not part of the friendship group, it’s his friends, and clearly fhey have a lot of people going, and have hit upon a max number, and that’s ok, it’s not personal

it’s awful fo suggest he should leverage helping his friend as a way to shoe horn her in and get her an invite or refuse to go.

because she is not one of the friends, she simply isn’t. And she’s not entitled to an invite,

Show quote history

The DH is saving them a substantial amount of money by providing the equipment. It would be utterly CF territory for him to be told no +1s. His dead granny should be made to feel welcome. I highly suspect the DH did not ask though and he's happy to go alone to be with his "crazy" colleague.

supersop60 · 13/03/2026 08:11

We only have the Op's partner's word that there's no plus ones.
He is totally at fault here.

ShakeNCake · 13/03/2026 08:12

I'm so sorry OP, I would be hurt too.

You've been the one looking after the kids and helping DP have a social life. Sure, you might not be best buds with all his mates, but you are his lifelong partner.
You were in a chat, but they've set a new one up for blokes only, but then added in other women partners and a single woman. What was your DPs response to the fact the new blokes only chat includes women?
The single woman has made a very concerning post which, at best, speaks to an in-joke you are not aware of, and at worst is an indicator of something else. What was your DPs response to this post?
Now you find you have been excluded from a large wedding. Your DP is so involved he is helping facilitate the wedding, but has been told partners and wives can't come. Much like the chat group. What has your DP said about his feeling around friends wives being invited and you not being?

All together this is a pattern that would make me feel rubbish too, and you are not being unreasonable. DP has some questions to answer in my book.

RunningJo · 13/03/2026 08:15

I’d be absolutely commenting on the insta post of this woman, something along the lines of “have you seen this husbands name”, then several laughing emojis’ after it.

The watch his response carefully.

What grown woman would think this is a normal and appropriate thing to post about someone who is married.
I’d make it clear you have noted it, to him and her.
I’d also be joining the new WhatsApp group.

As for the wedding, I would be telling my husband he can do what he wants with the lighting equipment (unless it’s yours as well) for his friends, but to actually go the wedding, of people you BOTH know, without you is disrespectful. If he doesn’t already know this, he’s an arse who wants to be popular and part of this group way more than he does in his marriage.
if it was the evening reception of a wedding of a work colleague you didn’t know, then fair enough, but this isn’t.

Sounds like this group has become such a huge part of his life to the exclusion of everything else, which he’s only able to do because you’re at home with your children.
Be strong Op, whether you want to be part of this group or not, don’t let him take the piss.

Dancingsquirrels · 13/03/2026 08:18

OP, what advice would you offer to a friend in your situation?

Offherrockingchair · 13/03/2026 08:18

All kinds of wrong here. There’re either using your DH for his kit and he’s too blind to see, or you are invited and he’s deliberately trying to stop you attending. I would not have been happy about the IG post and he should have told her to take it down, so inappropriate! Your DC could have seen it.

GreyCarpet · 13/03/2026 08:22

I think I'd be insisting on seeing the content of the new group chat tbh.

If he refused, I'd be having serious thoughrs and conversations about the future of the marriage.

Not because not being invited to a wedding as a +1 or included in a group chat is necessarily a problem but because the reasons behind it, in this case, mean it's likely that it is.

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2026 08:22

I’d be tempted to write on that Instagram post

‘She thought she was dreaming, but when she woke she realised it was a nightmare because Prince Charming belonged to someone else.’

GreyCarpet · 13/03/2026 08:23

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2026 08:22

I’d be tempted to write on that Instagram post

‘She thought she was dreaming, but when she woke she realised it was a nightmare because Prince Charming belonged to someone else.’

Edited

I wouldn't. Because, if they are having an affair, the joke would be on the OP.

If that is what's happening, then the entire friendship group is complicit.

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2026 08:25

GreyCarpet · 13/03/2026 08:23

I wouldn't. Because, if they are having an affair, the joke would be on the OP.

If that is what's happening, then the entire friendship group is complicit.

Show quote history

Yes I agree actually. She can only retaliate if she’s positive that nothing is going on.

EdithBond · 13/03/2026 08:26

This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.

This appears to be the root of the problem. This woman is clearly enamoured with your partner. Did you ask him about it?

And the new, exclusive chat group happened around the same time? Your DP only told you when you asked? Then said it was men only when it wasn’t? All v suss. Is this woman on the new group?

Sounds like something’s going on with this woman. If she’s not involved with your DP, maybe she’s moved on to one of his friends - and they’re trying to keep partners who know the wife in the dark.

Is the wedding one of your friends or your partner’s or joint? How long have you known the friends? I’d speak to them directly to see if your DP is lying about the ‘no plus one’ and actually wants to go alone.

Message with something like: ‘You must be excited about the wedding. I’m pleased [DP’s name] can help out. I know it’ll be a while before you hand out formal invites but wanted to check we’re all invited as I’m juggling a few dates this summer’.

Calliopespa · 13/03/2026 08:32

Auroraloves · 13/03/2026 00:19

You’re not unreasonable at all to feel upset by this, but there is nothing wrong with you OP.

The instagram post sounds odd, so it’s her and your husband with a gushy lovey caption?

I'm with you on this @Auroraloves

You are not at all unreasonable OP and in fact I think you might have scrolled a bit too fast past that pic. Are you sure she isn't actually his "partner" in this friend group. It was an incredibly odd caption in the circumstances...

mumuseli · 13/03/2026 08:33

Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:14

He did say he was surprised and disappointed about the invitation and is going to ask some of the others if their partners are invited.
His help and equipment will be saving the wedding couple quite a bit of money.
He's said nothing is or will be happening with the woman and he thinks she's a bit crazy.
I asked to join the new group and eventually got an invite last week, but I haven't joined as I feel unwelcome and pissed off about it.
We've been together over 20 years!

OP, I can understand you feeling hurt and annoyed. I think you should click the invite link and join the whatsapp group now though, as it's better to be in it to keep an eye on things and make yourself known.

StephensLass1977 · 13/03/2026 08:34

A few different things at play.

The new "mens only" WhatsApp group. Honestly, leave them to it. It sounds so boring! Is it a little bit of a case of FOMO?

The wedding - yeah that's awful. Makes me wonder why they also left you out of the WhatsApp group when other women were invited, and then this. Especially as they're happy to use equipment from YOUR home for this wedding! CFs. If you were invited to the wedding but not the WhatsApp group would that make you feel better? At this stage, would an invite feel like they just invited you because your partner had a word? Why HASN'T he had a word already? That's really weird to just exclude you. I wouldn't even want to go as an afterthought guest.

Flirt woman. Yes I would be very unhappy if someone did that - posting a photo of herself and your partner, then talking about "true love"? Wtf?

Has your partner ever mentioned this woman? Does it sound like something is bubbling?

mindutopia · 13/03/2026 08:36

Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 00:40

My partner messaged to ask them if we could bring our teen son to the reception. The response was "no plus one and no children". I don't think he has a formal invite as yet.

Show quote history

Like hell my Dh would be helping set up a friend’s wedding and saving them a shedload of money if me, his wife is 2 decades, was not even invited.

It’s weird you’ve been together 20 years and you aren’t close to his friends. Like I’d never expect to be in a group chat with Dh and his friends, because we’re allowed to have independent social lives. But do you not have them over for lunch or meet up for coffee or drinks? Dh’s friends are as much mine as his after all that time. Sometimes I can’t or don’t go to things, but no one would ever think of not inviting me.

Also who has 500 bloody friends and family to invite to a wedding, but no plus ones or children. Who the hell are they actually inviting?

MayaPinion · 13/03/2026 08:42

So you, a partner of 20 years, is not invited but the Instagram woman they only met a year ago is? OP, I think your DP isn’t being straight with you. The sums aren’t adding up.

Stifledlife · 13/03/2026 08:43

If they are inviting 500 people how on earth does this not include plus ones..

I'd be looking a little deeper, if I were you.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 13/03/2026 08:48

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/03/2026 03:58

Have you ever even heard of a wedding where a good friends wife of 20 years wasn’t invited?

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Sounds like no plus one's, very small wedding being thrown together.

TheHillIsMine · 13/03/2026 08:53

You know nothing is wrong with you so stop with that nonsense. If you want sympathy as you are married to a sleaze, ask for it.

blackcatlove · 13/03/2026 08:55

B1anche · 13/03/2026 01:43

He's said nothing is or will be happening with the woman and he thinks she's a bit crazy.

How many times have we heard this on here? Every single time they are shagging the "crazy" woman.

Show quote history

This with bells on, been there. He’s definitely shagging her and all his friends know. He’s probably spinning a line about how awful you are to his friends and how he’s waiting for his time to leave but he can’t as you will do something stupid.

CitizenofMoronia · 13/03/2026 08:57

Whoooah ! hold up so let me get this right, they have set up another group with the same people except you and added a single woman that posts

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

and your feeling hurt to be excluded and not invited to someones wedding??

is this not screaming hes having or at least hoping to have an affair with this woman and everyone else knows??

Climbingrosexx · 13/03/2026 09:01

Ophir · 13/03/2026 07:53

It wasn’t a blokes only chat though, @Climbingrosexx

It apparently was to begin with, then op found out partners had been allowed to join.

Womaninhouse17 · 13/03/2026 09:02

So they want his help and equipment for the wedding but aren't inviting his wife or child? I think he should be annoyed at that. I'd want to charge them or tell them to stuff it!

SemiSober · 13/03/2026 09:02

Oldknowe · 12/03/2026 23:46

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

This whole situation is disrespectful and shows a lack of respect for not only you, but your husband - because why wouldn’t they allow him to bring a plus 1 when he’s saving them all that money by providing equipment?

Wildgoat · 13/03/2026 09:03

Womaninhouse17 · 13/03/2026 09:02

So they want his help and equipment for the wedding but aren't inviting his wife or child? I think he should be annoyed at that. I'd want to charge them or tell them to stuff it!

Why? It’s so transactional to not help a friend so you can leverage your wife into an event where she’s not even part of the friendship group. I’m surprised people are so entitled.