AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

[Oldknowe]

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

Her not wanting you at her wedding Durant make her bridez8lla. You thinking you have a right to be there makes you something even worse.

Have you read the OP's updates?

This woman wants to punch the OP in the face.

She sounds a nasty piece of work.

How did your partner react at the time? He should have told Bridezilla that her threat was completely unacceptable and that as it happened, he held the same views as you.

Wow… been silently watching this thread before now, but my god, the update.

Firstly, I wouldn’t be attending this misogynist’s wedding anyway, so put that out of your head.

Secondly… your husband is still friends with someone who said they would punch you in the face? Nope. I’d be giving him an ultimatum… go to the wedding, and I’ll seriously be considering our relationship because you obviously are not my partner, you do not have my back.

Thirdly… thank you for supporting women, children and the LGB community in the way you thought you could by attending rallies and showing your support.

Fourth and finally… she’s a cunt. And a two-faced cunt at that. One thing if she had the balls (like her trans friends Im sure) to actually have a conversation with you about your views. But to threaten you with violence like a coward behind your back, and for your husband, and possibly his friends to stand by? They’re all despicable.

My partner and I have the same views yet he's treated well by her and I'm threatened and excluded!

Which leads me to believe that your DH espouses one set of views to you, and a different set to her and her friends. For me this has gone from an annoyance that he's not backing you to a relationship breaker if he does this wedding. She's threatened to punch you in the face and he's giving up time and equipment to do her a massive favour. He needs to state which camp he is really in, and you need to consider your position from there. This is without even considering the weird OW photograph.

Actually just remembered that at the start of this thread your DH had told you that you were not included in the new chat group because it was now a blokes only chat. Then you found out there were women in there too.

Your DH said he was surprised you weren't invited to the wedding and was going to ask the others if their partners were invited. Acting like he didn't know why, when all the time he knew that this vile woman had threatened to punch you in the face. The second she uttered those words he should have told her she was disgusting and walked away from the group, never looking back.

Sorry OP 💐, he's not just failing to stick up for you, he's been lying to you all along.

Oh my god, I had forgotten he was providing equipment and time for this wedding as well!

Absolutely not OP. This woman threatened you with physical violence and he’s going to go out of his way to offer time and effort to her wedding?!? Really???

At what point will you tell him this is a dealbreaker?

You need a t-shirt with the definition of loyalty on it as your partner has no idea what it means. It would be the end of the line for me if my DH was so disloyal.

Something doesn't add up - don't think your DP is telling you the full story. I would be suspicious of what he has chosen to tell you.

Thanks all. He thinks it's a load of old nonsense and despite being mouthy she'd never really punch me - oh to have the confidence of a 6ft+ bloke!
I'm really shaken by all these revelations and am going to have a quiet weekend away from him and it all.

This group of “friends” sounds utterly toxic!
You’d think they have the basic manners to invite you when they want your dh’s equipment - calling a 20-year relationship a “plus one” is ridiculous!

I have just read a post on Reddit where a bride had invited the OP and her husband to a wedding event, then a week prior to the event decided that OPs husband can’t come, despite other male friends and partners still being invited. The OP said straight away ‘you’ve not included him so I’m not coming’ and it made me think of this situation.

A weekend away from him (and the situation) sounds good.

Is this T shirt the reason you have been excluded from the group? She shouldnt be threatening to punch you in the face over a T shirt!

Have you actually seen this text exchange?

None of it adds up.

What! He stood there and let someone speak about you that way! Omg, go and find yourself a man who stands up for toy, I can't believe he still wants to help with the wedding 🤷‍♂️😡

The more I think about this thread the more my blood boils. Whatever OPs views are, all bridezilla has to do is to agree to disagree with her. Telling the DH that if OP's seen out in that t-shirt again she will be punched in the face is a sickening threat and is also trying to dictate to OP, an adult woman, what she may and may not wear in public.

I'd be wearing that damn t-shirt 24/7 now. In fact, fuck that, I'd get a hat and coat to match.

ETA: Would get DH one as well while I'm at it.

That's not the point, is it?

That's a huge level of disrespect. I'd like to think my partner would choose me over people who regarded me in this way. Let alone a husband of 20 years.

He's just a spineless people pleaser. Would you do a favour for people who spoke about him like that? By going to the wedding and enjoying the party woth everyone else, he's showing you where his loyalties lie and its not with you.

He's pathetic.

No, but I believe he's trustworthy, we have been together over 20 years.

They always are until they're not.

I think I'd better clarify as I wrote my early posts whilst really upset. There's the friend group that started out as a few blokes in the pub and then the bride and groom are friends of theirs.

My partner says he's not going to do it. He says he can see it's wrong and out of order and is very uneasy about the threat. I think he's not really thought about this at all and just said "Oh a party - yes sure!" - it didn't matter it was theirs in particular.

It may be because I've been really upset and feared the worst at the start. It's been a bit of a journey.

He’s not going to do what, sorry?

If he went to this wedding, I would leave him. It shows a complete disrespect for you if he goes.

He's not going to do the free disco at the wedding.
That's great news OP.